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      05-04-2022, 08:54 AM   #1
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I really want to hear the good, the bad and ugly. I'm all ears, what advice do you have for those of us who are currently married to our first wives. Or to those of us who want to get married one day . Me personally I've been married 12 yrs.

Share mistakes you've made, let's go!!
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      05-04-2022, 08:59 AM   #2
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I know one thing for sure. That's that marriage is the single most common cause for divorce. I'm on wife #2 for almost 13 years.
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      05-04-2022, 09:02 AM   #3
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Married for 37 years now.....third time was the charm.
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      05-04-2022, 09:17 AM   #4
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Ill let Bill tell you.

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      05-04-2022, 09:29 AM   #5
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Be vulnerable. Shift “blame” into “this makes me feel this way”. Powerful.
Pay attention to your partner and their feelings, especially when they are feeling sad/angry.
Apologize meaning it and preventing reoccurrence.
Hold yourself accountable.
Mind quality time together; don’t let it get into a groove of doing things that replace quality time (shopping/social media/drugs/alcohol/porn)
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      05-04-2022, 09:33 AM   #6
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It's no different than finding the right career.

If you find the right career a lot of the pitfalls of the wrong career don't apply, and those that do you will tend to look past because you love it.

It's all about finding the right woman, and IMO no one can help you there, it's just something that happens. If you try to construct it, it probably won't happen.

I've been with my wife 19 years, and I can tell you that it's not perfect, but I can also tell you that perfect doesn't exist, so give me that 85%er and I'm good.
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      05-04-2022, 09:57 AM   #7
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I am on marriage #2 right now. My first marriage was a huge life lesson and a nightmare at the same time.

Will be celebrating 6yrs with my current wife in October this year and I seriously can't be happier! I never had this feeling with wife #1 and I feel like I am a better man because of everything that had happened with wife #1.

Communication, honesty and trust are huge for a relationship to work.....just my thoughts.
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      05-04-2022, 10:07 AM   #8
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Rule #1 is to never admit defeat.

You may be wrong and she may be right, but dont let her win. Dont say "you were right", instead say "You were not wrong".
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      05-04-2022, 10:10 AM   #9
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Is "happy wife happy life" true?

Also, don't go to bed mad at other.
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      05-04-2022, 10:16 AM   #10
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      05-04-2022, 10:17 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheWatchGuy View Post
Rule #1 is to never admit defeat.

You may be wrong and she may be right, but dont let her win. Dont say "you were right", instead say "You were not wrong".
^^^ Recipe for divorce.
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      05-04-2022, 10:30 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 3.0L View Post
^^^ Recipe for divorce.
No confusion. You are correct.
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      05-04-2022, 10:46 AM   #13
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"Yes, dear"
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      05-04-2022, 11:08 AM   #14
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      05-04-2022, 11:20 AM   #15
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As my wife says (who've I've been with for over 33 years - married for 26) - the relationship is much better when you lower your expectations.

May sound like a comic statement - but it's actually a valid point.
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      05-04-2022, 11:28 AM   #16
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Next week is our 9 year wedding anniversary... so I think at this point I'm well qualified to say that I still don't understand women.

But I guess you don't have to.... you roll with the punches and enjoy the highs. As long as the highs outnumber the punches... I'd say life is good.
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      05-04-2022, 11:34 AM   #17
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Just be yourself and if she nags a bit then leave the room.
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      05-04-2022, 11:38 AM   #18
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47 years this July.

Be a good listener. Be willing to admit when you're wrong. Give her her way at least half of the time. Trust. Learn to forgive. Make time for just the two of you. Lots of snuggling.
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      05-04-2022, 11:42 AM   #19
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Drink every night

Expect her to handle the cooking, cleaning, and kids, and critique how she does it

Watch sports in the other room

Spend money on cars/motorcycles

Shower infrequently

Tell her that her shrink is for her to talk to about her feelings, not you

Or do the opposite and maintain a happy marriage.
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      05-04-2022, 12:09 PM   #20
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Have your own bank account, then have another hidden bank account
Then have your joint account
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      05-04-2022, 12:16 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Esteban View Post
47 years this July.

Be a good listener. Be willing to admit when you're wrong. Give her her way at least half of the time. Trust. Learn to forgive. Make time for just the two of you. Lots of snuggling.
^This.

We celebrated 53 years this past February. We met 58 years ago.

Also, look at the ring on your finger every now and then, and remember your marriage vows.
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      05-04-2022, 12:16 PM   #22
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There's a book titled Open Marriage written in the 70's by Nena O'Neill and George O'Neill. It has one tiny section about sex outside the marriage and for that stupid reason it got tons of bad press and people instantly think that's what open marriage is all about now. But the book is a gold mine of good advice. Things like sharing work equally and not being jealous of your spouse's relationships. The basic principle of the book is, "be the best partner there is and your spouse won't want to consider anyone else."

The whole theory is, of course, the "ideal" scenario. It requires both partners to dump long held assumptions and beliefs. It is not an easy thing to accomplish. But even if you adhere to just parts of the book, like mutual respect and not playing cruel mind games, etc, then you'll be better off. It's worth a read if you can find it and *if* you can read it without your spouse instantly thinking you're looking to have an affair.
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