[Mandi90TT]

A rough and tough cowboy finishes his drink at a bar and gets up to leave. A minute later, he comes back in saying with a mean look in his eye "My horse aint where I left it. I'm going to sit back down and have one more drink, and if my horse isn't back by the time I'm done, I'm gonna have to do what I done in Texas, and I really don't wanna have to do what I done back in Texas!"

True to his word, he sits down, orders another drink. The bar is deadly silent as he finishes up his drink. He then gets up and walks outside and sure enough, his horse is back tied up where he left it. As he's just about to ride off, one of the other patrons timidly asks, "mister? What was it you had to do in Texas?" The cowboy gets a far off look in his eyes and says sadly, "Walk home."

[Markr]

What’s the difference between light and hard?

…..you can sleep with a light on

[Markr]

A tuna mayo sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer, barman says “sorry, we don’t serve food”

[Esteban]

Originally Posted by Markr

A tuna mayo sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer, barman says “sorry, we don’t serve food”

I heard that before but with a ham sandwich instead.

[Markr]

What is black and white and read all over?

…a newspaper

What is black and white and red all over?

….a sunburnt Zebra

[Dpc2u]

Originally Posted by Markr

What is black and white and read all over?

…a newspaper

What is black and white and red all over?

….a sunburnt Zebra

What's green and red all over and goes 1000 mph?

A frog in a blender.

I will see myself out.

[dmatre]

Originally Posted by Markr

What is black and white and read all over?

…a newspaper

What is black and white and red all over?

….a sunburnt Zebra

Penguin in a blender…

[Esteban]

So a duck walks into a bank...

When he gets to the teller, he says "I'll have a cheeseburger, fries, and a shake."

The teller says "This is a bank. We don't serve food here." So he turns around and waddles out.

Next day he waits in line for the same teller. When he gets to the front, he says "I'll have a cheeseburger, fries, and a shake"

It's already been a busy day, and she loses her cool, saying "I already told you yesterday, we don't serve food here! We're a BANK! If you waste my time with your stupid request again, I'll nail your feet to the floor!!"

"Ok" he says, and waddles out.

The next day he waddles in again, and the teller says "Hi, how may I help you?"

"Do you have any nails?"

"Of course not, this is a bank"

"Well in that case, I'll have a cheeseburger, fries, and a shake"

[3.0L]

.

[3.0L]

A blonde walked into an electronics store and said to the salesmen: "I want that tv."

The salesperson shook his head and said, "No, we don't sell to blondes."

So the blonde left and came back with her hair dyed brown and said: "I'll take that tv."

Again the salesman said: "No, we don't sell to blondes."

So she left again and came back with her hair dyed black and said: "I want that tv."

But the salesman still said: "No, we don't sell to blondes."

Finally the blonde got fed up and said, "That's it! How'd you know I was a blonde?!" she asked.

The salesman answered: "'Cause that's a microwave."

[BMWGUYinCO]

I boiled a funny bone, and it turned into laughing stock.

I find all of this very humerus.

[Lady Jane]

A patient goes to the doctor to discuss his premature ejaculation.

He got the wee man out and said, "I think I'm a bit premature in this department"

"You certainly are". "I'm the receptionist!"

[BMWGUYinCO]

Originally Posted by Lady Jane

A patient goes to the doctor to discuss his premature ejaculation.

He got the wee man out and said, "I think I'm a bit premature in this department"

"You certainly are". "I'm the receptionist!"

LOL! This joke reminded me of this one:

A man goes to the Doctor and says "Doc, you gotta help me, my penis has turned orange!"

The doctor is quite surprised, and they run a slew of tests on the patient, but nothing turns up anything identifiable.

Finally, the doctor turns to the patient in desperation: "Sir, we've run every test we know of and we just can't figure this out...has anything changed in your diet or routine lately???"

The patient replies "Not at all, it's the same routine for me every night... I grab a bag of Cheetos and watch porn".

[vreihen16]

A woman visits her husband in prison.

Before leaving, she tells a correction officer: “You shouldn’t make my husband work like that. He’s exhausted!”

The officer laughs and says, “Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!”

The wife replies: “Bullsht! He just told me he’s been digging a tunnel for months!”

[Lady Jane]

The first time I heard the song "Waterloo" on a didgeridoo I figured it was something ABBAriginal.

[KRS_SN]

Where are you going with that cow, young lady?
I'm taking her to the bull, vicar.
Good Heavens, can't your father do it?
No vicar, it has to be a bull!

[KRS_SN]

A man drives down a country lane and runs over a cockerel. He knocks at a nearby farmhouse door and a woman answers.
"I appear to have killed your cockerel,' he says. 'I'd like to replace it.' The woman replies: 'Please yourself - the hens are round the back.'"

[rwheels]

Originally Posted by vreihen16

A woman visits her husband in prison.

Before leaving, she tells a correction officer: “You shouldn’t make my husband work like that. He’s exhausted!”

The officer laughs and says, “Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!”

The wife replies: “Bullsht! He just told me he’s been digging a tunnel for months!”

[KRS_SN]

Little boy walking in the park with his dad sees two dogs at it.
"What are those dogs doing daddy?"
"Um, they're making a puppy".
Next night the boy goes into his parents bedroom and sees them at it.
"What are you doing daddy?"
"Um, we're making you a little brother or sister".
"Well turn her over. I'd rather have a puppy".

[3.0L]

Originally Posted by KRS_SN

Little boy walking in the park with his dad sees two dogs at it.
"What are those dogs doing daddy?"
"Um, they're making a puppy".
Next night the boy goes into his parents bedroom and sees them at it.
"What are you doing daddy?"
"Um, we're making you a little brother or sister".
"Well turn her over. I'd rather have a puppy".

True story:

A friend of ours was pregnant with their 3rd child. She asked their oldest boy (about 4 years old) if he'd like a new brother or sister. He replied that he'd like to have a horse.

[KRS_SN]

A

[sygazelle]

Originally Posted by BMWGUYinCO

I boiled a funny bone, and it turned into laughing stock.

I find all of this very humerus.

That jokes timeless. It's funny yesterday, today, and tomarrow.