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      05-29-2019, 08:49 AM   #4159
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Originally Posted by FuzzyPeaches View Post
OH... I'm afraid there's going to be a little disappointment here. As I said previously, I was a bit under the influence when I made the original post. There's no real "story". More a situation for the collective mind here to mull over and good good, bad, or hilarious advice.
Be a sport and make some shit up. A dating thread revival is needed. More cowbell anyone? Where the hell is Pickle???
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      05-29-2019, 08:52 AM   #4160
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Originally Posted by bimmette View Post
There's just one guy dating a widow.
Am I that guy?

I'm currently dating one and I'm loving it. She does talk about her dead husband from time to time, but I'm ok with it. She treats me really well and I'm really lucky to have her.

It did take a long time for her to go from friend to something more though. That was a frustrating experience.
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      05-29-2019, 08:52 AM   #4161
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Originally Posted by Now_Rudi View Post
Sounds like you actually have yourself a keeper. She's obviously a forward thinker as timing/her time/your time is a consideration and not an afterthought. I would simply let her know, that if you truly feel that, whatever time she can make for you is enough. In the event that she isn't using that as an excuse as not to get tied down then you should be good. Just continue to be considerate, warm, accepting and reassuring. Keep in mind that although you may be (or feel that you are) doing everything right while being patient, this doesn't mean that it will go the way you want. Resilience is key here. If it doesn't turn out the way you want, it doesn't mean that you failed and it doesn't make her a bad person. Funny things those emotions.
All good advice and exactly how I'm trying to respond to the situation.

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Originally Posted by Now_Rudi View Post
How long ago did her significant other pass? How long were they together?
He passed around 3 years ago. I'm not sure the exact amount of time, but I'm guessing near 15 years since the oldest would have been 11 when he passed.

She has also had a failed 1.5 year relationship in the time between the death of her husband and now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Now_Rudi View Post
If she's spending any time at all with you it's good sign. Stay your path and keep us informed.
That's how I'm taking it. She did invite me over to her neighborhood pool over the weekend saying it would be nice to have me there with her. I'm not able to go to her house though, because she isn't ready to explain to her kids who I am.
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      05-29-2019, 08:54 AM   #4162
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Quote:
Originally Posted by someguywithanm3 View Post
Am I that guy?

I'm currently dating one and I'm loving it. She does talk about her dead husband from time to time, but I'm ok with it. She treats me really well and I'm really lucky to have her.

It did take a long time for her to go from friend to something more though. That was a frustrating experience.
What's the time-frame for your experience? How long after she became a widow and how long did it take for you to move into the "more" roll?

I understand everyone is different.
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      05-29-2019, 08:56 AM   #4163
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Originally Posted by FuzzyPeaches View Post
That's how I'm taking it. She did invite me over to her neighborhood pool over the weekend saying it would be nice to have me there with her. I'm not able to go to her house though, because she isn't ready to explain to her kids who I am.
Keep doing what you're doing and good luck.
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      05-29-2019, 09:01 AM   #4164
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FuzzyPeaches View Post
All good advice and exactly how I'm trying to respond to the situation.



He passed around 3 years ago. I'm not sure the exact amount of time, but I'm guessing near 15 years since the oldest would have been 11 when he passed.

She has also had a failed 1.5 year relationship in the time between the death of her husband and now.



That's how I'm taking it. She did invite me over to her neighborhood pool over the weekend saying it would be nice to have me there with her. I'm not able to go to her house though, because she isn't ready to explain to her kids who I am.
Interesting on the time frames. Both length of time with the deceased husband and the 1.5 year relationship after indicates that she isn't someone who demonstrates what I refer to as "monkey syndrome" (going from limb to limb to support her all while not letting go of one limb until she already has her hand on another). This is very much a good thing. Not common in today's dating scene. Also the lack of being able to go to her house in avoidance of the conversation with the kids as to who you are is noble as well. No guidance needed here. You already know what you must do, just continue. This could mutually beneficial.
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      05-29-2019, 09:02 AM   #4165
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FuzzyPeaches View Post
What's the time-frame for your experience? How long after she became a widow and how long did it take for you to move into the "more" roll?

I understand everyone is different.
She became a widow about 3-4 years ago. It took about 5-6 months (I think). It was a lot of work though. I gave up and that's when she reached out to me saying she loved me.
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      05-29-2019, 09:04 AM   #4166
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Now_Rudi View Post
Interesting on the time frames. Both length of time with the deceased husband and the 1.5 year relationship after indicates that she isn't someone who demonstrates what I refer to as "monkey syndrome" (going from limb to limb to support her all while not letting go of one limb until she already has her hand on another). This is very much a good thing. Not common in today's dating scene. Also the lack of being able to go to her house in avoidance of the conversation with the kids as to who you are is noble as well. No guidance needed here. You already know what you must do, just continue. This could mutually beneficial.
That reminds me, even though we are dating, I'm still not allowed to hug or kiss her around her daughter. I think that's a good thing.
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      05-29-2019, 09:19 AM   #4167
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Quote:
Originally Posted by someguywithanm3 View Post
That reminds me, even though we are dating, I'm still not allowed to hug or kiss her around her daughter. I think that's a good thing.
That's a good mother and a good woman right there.

I couldn't tell you how long the girlfriend and I were together before we were affectionate in front her children. Wasn't really something that we discussed, just the way it was. Now that they are well acclimated with me they are not bothered with it. We do get the occasional "GROSS!" when they see it.
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      05-29-2019, 09:25 AM   #4168
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now that school's out i'm pretty dateless actually - kinda figured it'd be like this but long hours on construction and suburbia isn't really treating me well. "breaking up" with that one girl that lives 15-20 mins away from me was a bad move but it is what it is

on the bright side, i'm putting in hella work and i'm getting paid pretty well because of over time.

I'm actually looking to buy an E46 soon
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      05-29-2019, 09:29 AM   #4169
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Quote:
Originally Posted by someguywithanm3 View Post
She became a widow about 3-4 years ago. It took about 5-6 months (I think). It was a lot of work though. I gave up and that's when she reached out to me saying she loved me.
I'm not giving up, but I'm also to an age where I'm not going to beg anyone to spend time with me.

There's been a lot of good advice in here. I appreciate it all.
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      05-29-2019, 10:45 AM   #4170
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Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
with the exception of an Uncle who...well, you know...becomes two words and all
No, WE don't know. Which two words does our Uncle become??? All the most endearing/used descriptions *I* can think of are single words.
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      05-29-2019, 11:48 AM   #4171
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle View Post
now that school's out i'm pretty dateless actually - kinda figured it'd be like this but long hours on construction and suburbia isn't really treating me well. "breaking up" with that one girl that lives 15-20 mins away from me was a bad move but it is what it is

on the bright side, i'm putting in hella work and i'm getting paid pretty well because of over time.

I'm actually looking to buy an E46 soon
Welcome to the real world.
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-Dr. Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park
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      05-29-2019, 11:51 AM   #4172
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle View Post
now that school's out i'm pretty dateless actually - kinda figured it'd be like this but long hours on construction and suburbia isn't really treating me well. "breaking up" with that one girl that lives 15-20 mins away from me was a bad move but it is what it is

on the bright side, i'm putting in hella work and i'm getting paid pretty well because of over time.

I'm actually looking to buy an E46 soon
You got the whole world ahead of you my man. Enjoy your situation for what it is at the moment. Before long you will be back in over your head trying to figure women out again!

I look at it this way...I love my wife. But I also love my time apart from her. Both of us need our own space. Right now you are getting to play the "selfish - all about me" role!!
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      05-29-2019, 11:53 AM   #4173
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Originally Posted by Rmtt View Post
You got the whole world ahead of you my man. Enjoy your situation for what it is at the moment. Before long you will be back in over your head trying to figure women out again!

I look at it this way...I love my wife. But I also love my time apart from her. Both of us need our own space. Right now you are getting to play the "selfish - all about me" role!!
Truer words have not been spoken.
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      05-29-2019, 11:58 AM   #4174
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CTinline-six View Post
Welcome to the real world.
fug :I where/how does one go about meeting women without going out or sitting next to the cute ones in class?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rmtt View Post
You got the whole world ahead of you my man. Enjoy your situation for what it is at the moment. Before long you will be back in over your head trying to figure women out again!

I look at it this way...I love my wife. But I also love my time apart from her. Both of us need our own space. Right now you are getting to play the "selfish - all about me" role!!
oh no no i love this! I'm only responsible for myself and the well-being of my car and apartment - gotta get that deposit back
all im saying is it'd be nice to have a girl to chill with, but reading Now_Rudi 's post on another thread with the excerpt from the art of not giving a fuck brought in a whole other perspective into this...
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      05-29-2019, 12:22 PM   #4175
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle View Post
fug :I where/how does one go about meeting women without going out or sitting next to the cute ones in class?



oh no no i love this! I'm only responsible for myself and the well-being of my car and apartment - gotta get that deposit back
all im saying is it'd be nice to have a girl to chill with, but reading Now_Rudi 's post on another thread with the excerpt from the art of not giving a fuck brought in a whole other perspective into this...
Various religions and people say it many ways, but how I see it is that life gives you what you need just when you need it. Relax, chill and enjoy the moment of what is within reach at the time. Everything else will come when you are ready for it.
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      05-29-2019, 12:35 PM   #4176
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Well....Looks like she's coming over on Friday so I can make her dinner.
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      05-29-2019, 12:49 PM   #4177
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
Whoa there "Rudi"...now I know I say that we are all therapists here (with the exception of an Uncle who...well, you know...becomes two words and all).
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Originally Posted by UncleWede View Post
No, WE don't know. Which two words does our Uncle become??? All the most endearing/used descriptions *I* can think of are single words.
Well...since you asked. I still ascribe all the letters of therapist to you as well, but as I alluded to, those letters form two words...the space between them is right after the "e" in therapist.

I just lost your vote didn't I? Rats.
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      05-29-2019, 05:38 PM   #4178
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
Well...since you asked. I still ascribe all the letters of therapist to you as well, but as I alluded to, those letters form two words...the space between them is right after the "e" in therapist.

I just lost your vote didn't I? Rats.
It's hard to therapee the willing, just saying
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      05-30-2019, 11:48 AM   #4179
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Originally Posted by FuzzyPeaches View Post
Well....Looks like she's coming over on Friday so I can make her dinner.

What are you making?
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      05-30-2019, 01:07 PM   #4180
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What are you making?
sweet love
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