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      05-18-2022, 01:19 PM   #12783
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She sounds pre-disposed to putting on a few and is getting older. She is going to have to work REALLY hard, more on watching what she eats than exercising, to even maintain where she is.

Got news for you, around your age is where shit gets hard, your body starts to betray you.
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      05-18-2022, 02:05 PM   #12784
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Originally Posted by ///d View Post
I'm 38, she is 34, no kids, and a few years



Well, her reasoning was to better herself.

I think she did it to be able to tell people she did it lol

She has always stated a fear of hers is to become "fat" as she would say (not just overweight, she says fat). While she is far from what would be considered fat, but the muffin top is definitely there.

Seems like one of the biggest issue with some of these fitness challenges is they're meant for short term results. In reality it needs to be a lifestyle change that's sustainable, otherwise you just end up putting the weight back on once the challenge ends.

I know that doesn't help your situation - but that's my observation. Only thing I can think of is positive reinforcement. Might sound childish, but it works on adults too. Express excitement and happiness when she does something healthy (whether it be physical exercise or eating something healthy).
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      05-18-2022, 02:12 PM   #12785
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she's gonna notice that, he's fucked basically, no win here.
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      05-18-2022, 03:10 PM   #12786
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This is hard. How is your relationship overall? When something has bothered you in the past and you've had to talk with her does she get defensive or is she good with communication?
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      05-18-2022, 03:21 PM   #12787
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Good luck.... you're gonna need it.

In all seriousness, it's a topic most of us have dealt with in the past. Most of us were smart enough to not poke the hive.

I'm assuming your relationship is solid and there are no underlying issues. Assuming that, you need to find something to motivate her. Praising her when she exercises or eats healthy isn't the way to motivate her.

Do you have something (exercise - outdoor activity) that you would like to start doing? If so, talk with her and tell her you'd like some help getting into the activity and see if she has any interest in doing it with you. If she's not interested, buy a bigger couch and bigger TV and tell her to move over and join her watching TV.
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      05-18-2022, 03:45 PM   #12788
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Honestly you should be able to talk about living a healthier lifestyle with her without having to mention fatness. It's not just about muffin tops - you live healthier and you feel better in general.

I've never once called my wife fat (she's not, but you know what I mean)... but I do encourage healthier eating and exercise for the sake of being healthy.
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      05-18-2022, 03:50 PM   #12789
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ///d View Post
In an attempt to revive this shit show I need your help with the one topic every man fears...


When I left for overseas a year ago March, my gf was starting to put on some pounds, while I was gone she put on a bit more and I was starting to get worried it would continue, but then 4 months before I got home she started the 75Hard challenge, kicked ass and lost something like 25lbs. She was always talking about how she hated the work, but loved the results, and wanted to focus on flattening the tummy. When I got home she looked amazing, but now that the challenge is over she has put all those pounds back on to the point that when she walks by I find myself thinking that those pants or that shirt is not flattering, and how the work she put in during the challenge went right out the window.

How in the hell do I bring this up without getting things thrown at my head?!

She was running everyday during the challenge when it was fall and winter, then she would run a few times a week, now she doesn't run at all. We have a treadmill, we have a gym setup in the garage, and the weather is finally nice enough to be active outside, but I can't seem to get her off the couch.
Are you in better shape relative to her?
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      05-18-2022, 07:43 PM   #12790
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      05-21-2022, 06:39 AM   #12791
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Had a first date with someone. I went in feeling like this woman has big potential to be my wife.

But, so did she. She is a few years older than me (31 vs 24) and just got out of a 9 year relationship, and she's made it very clear that she's looking to get married and start a family. I would like to know her better before jumping into this head first. It really felt like my priority is finding the right-ish person to have kids with, whereas she's kinda looking for a person to have kids with.

Otherwise very nice woman. 6'1, super hot, super nice. "mom of the group" sort of girl, definitely no where near as a shithead as i am

I don't think I'm seeing her a second time. As much as this is a HUGE redflag, it is not my choosing to not see each other again, she said she is uncomfortable with the age gap. In all honesty I'd love to go on a few more dates and know her a bit better beyond a few weeks of texting and a 3.5hr date to see if I can see myself marrying her.
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      05-21-2022, 06:55 AM   #12792
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle View Post
Had a first date with someone. I went in feeling like this woman has big potential to be my wife.

But, so did she. She is a few years older than me (31 vs 24) and just got out of a 9 year relationship, and she's made it very clear that she's looking to get married and start a family. I would like to know her better before jumping into this head first. It really felt like my priority is finding the right-ish person to have kids with, whereas she's kinda looking for a person to have kids with.

Otherwise very nice woman. 6'1, super hot, super nice. "mom of the group" sort of girl, definitely no where near as a shithead as i am

I don't think I'm seeing her a second time. As much as this is a HUGE redflag, it is not my choosing to not see each other again, she said she is uncomfortable with the age gap. In all honesty I'd love to go on a few more dates and know her a bit better beyond a few weeks of texting and a 3.5hr date to see if I can see myself marrying her.
Dude, I'm probably the last person to give advice to anyone about dating. I think you need sessions with someone. How the hell can you write first date and marry someone in the same sentence? Come on bro. Your man-card is now revoked. Guys, please help this poor dude out🙏🙏
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      05-21-2022, 07:11 AM   #12793
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      05-21-2022, 02:24 PM   #12794
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle View Post
Had a first date with someone. I went in feeling like this woman has big potential to be my wife.

But, so did she. She is a few years older than me (31 vs 24) and just got out of a 9 year relationship, and she's made it very clear that she's looking to get married and start a family. I would like to know her better before jumping into this head first. It really felt like my priority is finding the right-ish person to have kids with, whereas she's kinda looking for a person to have kids with.

Otherwise very nice woman. 6'1, super hot, super nice. "mom of the group" sort of girl, definitely no where near as a shithead as i am

I don't think I'm seeing her a second time. As much as this is a HUGE redflag, it is not my choosing to not see each other again, she said she is uncomfortable with the age gap. In all honesty I'd love to go on a few more dates and know her a bit better beyond a few weeks of texting and a 3.5hr date to see if I can see myself marrying her.
<--really wish this emoji said 'nope!'

Do not go there. If you get into this relationship, you'll eventually find that she doesn't actually want you, and you're stuck in the relationship because you co-own the house and have 2 kids who like having 2 parents simultaneously...
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      05-23-2022, 08:07 AM   #12795
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cmyx6go View Post
Pickle. STOP. Run. Fast.
Wait no I want another tall brunette girl with flying red flags, I miss my exes


But in all seriousness, this isn't what I'm looking for. She's nice and hot and I'd love to have a summer fling with her but I'm making grad school plans, not white picket fence plans.

I'm feeling like a "mutual ghosting" is the exit plan here
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      05-23-2022, 08:35 AM   #12796
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle View Post
Wait no I want another tall brunette girl with flying red flags, I miss my exes


But in all seriousness, this isn't what I'm looking for. She's nice and hot and I'd love to have a summer fling with her but I'm making grad school plans, not white picket fence plans.

I'm feeling like a "mutual ghosting" is the exit plan here
You've already got your exit plan. It's right above. "You're nice and hot and I'd love to have a summer fling with you but I'm making grad school plans, not white picket fence plans." Maybe it'll turn into a "friends with benefits" kinda deal.
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      05-23-2022, 09:16 AM   #12797
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I've met gals who wanted that picket fence life so bad they really didn't care who they were with. One gal I knew years ago said she wanted a kid so bad she was going to start going to parties and start sleeping with anyone until she got pregnant. She didn't care who the dad was or if he even knew about the child, she just wanted a kid. She followed through and ended up pregnant after a party and is a single mom with a 7 or 8 year old now. Not sure if the father even knows tbh.

nuckin futs!
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      05-23-2022, 09:51 AM   #12798
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle View Post
Wait no I want another tall brunette girl with flying red flags, I miss my exes


But in all seriousness, this isn't what I'm looking for. She's nice and hot and I'd love to have a summer fling with her but I'm making grad school plans, not white picket fence plans.

I'm feeling like a "mutual ghosting" is the exit plan here
Focus on grad school, improving your life, etc.
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      05-23-2022, 09:53 AM   #12799
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ///d View Post
I've met gals who wanted that picket fence life so bad they really didn't care who they were with. One gal I knew years ago said she wanted a kid so bad she was going to start going to parties and start sleeping with anyone until she got pregnant. She didn't care who the dad was or if he even knew about the child, she just wanted a kid. She followed through and ended up pregnant after a party and is a single mom with a 7 or 8 year old now. Not sure if the father even knows tbh.

nuckin futs!
Yup, and it's more common than you think. People are really crazy. It makes me laugh when those women think you are an asshole because you don't want to date them and the baggage they come with.
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      05-23-2022, 06:17 PM   #12800
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ///d View Post
I've met gals who wanted that picket fence life so bad they really didn't care who they were with. One gal I knew years ago said she wanted a kid so bad she was going to start going to parties and start sleeping with anyone until she got pregnant. She didn't care who the dad was or if he even knew about the child, she just wanted a kid. She followed through and ended up pregnant after a party and is a single mom with a 7 or 8 year old now. Not sure if the father even knows tbh.

nuckin futs!
That's pretty wild
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      05-23-2022, 10:16 PM   #12801
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You guys avoiding commitment, time is gonna bit you on the arse hard. If you find the right girl, get it done, it's never too early, just find the right girl.
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      05-24-2022, 04:01 AM   #12802
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Easier said than done...
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      05-24-2022, 04:46 AM   #12803
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfisti View Post
You guys avoiding commitment, time is gonna bit you on the arse hard. If you find the right girl, get it done, it's never too early, just find the right girl.
You know what? The older I get, the less optical attraction is the later trigger, but just the sum of things we wouldn't arguing each other counts. Times' too short for bothering when your half life has passed.
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      05-24-2022, 01:29 PM   #12804
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfisti View Post
You guys avoiding commitment, time is gonna bit you on the arse hard. If you find the right girl, get it done, it's never too early, just find the right girl.
What benefits do I get as a man for commitment?

Serious question.
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