[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

I completely understand my friend; today marks the 2nd week of "I want to be sad but I can't, shit just wasnt the same" for me.


Wish you the best, please know I am a PM/text/etc away.

Thank you sir.

With you 100%. I really want to be sad and go through the emotional onslaught of processing and rebuilding. It almost doesn't seem healthy not feel sad about it. I do miss her, but then when I think about what encompasses being with her; my opinion instantly changes again.

Side note: I've had two nights in a row, with getting more than 4-5 hours of sleep. After just two days, I can tell a difference in how my thought process and physical appearance.

[nyalpine90]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

I ended the 6 year relationship with the now ex-girlfriend yesterday. I want to be somewhat sad about it, I just can't be. Things haven't been what they should for a while now. Shit escalated Sunday afternoon into a full-blown argument which resulted in her leaving and "cooling down." We didn't talk much Sunday night and now when she speaks to me it's screaming like a banshee. Yeah, she can keep that shit.

Our relationship has made me feel hollow for a while now. I explained it to her and rather than her trying to explain anything to make me feel better about it, all she wanted to do was yell at me for it. Next.

sorry to hear that but i know you gave it all. When the spark goes dim its best to move on.
best of luck to both of you.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Mingwan

Maybe someone here can chime in on this. What is it with women’s infatuation with animals? Cats in particular. Reading through a bunch of various posts on different forums, I found it quite alarming that women would chose their cat over their significant other they supposedly love, especially if their SO has an issue with cats due to medical reasons, i.e. severe allergies to cats. Does that strike anyone else as being fucked?

Initial response is that this is quite fucked. After about 10 seconds of thought, I don't know man; have you met other people?

After another quick thought, would I choose to spend an afternoon with my last cat or would I rather spend an afternoon with any of my ex's.....Cat for sure.

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

Yes she sure can. Was this a common occurrence?

No actually. Normally she was cool, calm and collected. Almost frightening and scary at how calm she is most of the time. Almost like when your parents knew you had done something wrong, but haven't said anything yet, all the while you are waiting for them to drop the hammer and they just keep acting nice....it's like that, all the time. A few odd things that I have noticed though - If she knows something that she has a right to be upset about and bring to my attention, she doesn't. She acts like everything is fine and no problems whatsoever.....until I say anything about being upset or something she has done that bothered me. Then all hell breaks lose and she begins dropping every little thing that I've done to upset her. I suppose in her mind if she drops 20 reasons why she should be upset, it pales why I'm upset and I just shouldn't be upset at all. Why not just discuss these things as they arise and talk them out then? Another hot topic for me recently is how she tries to cover up or justify her actions, that she knows hurts or upsets me. If she has done something that upsets me, if I bring it to her attention; rather than explaining why she did something in hopes me understanding or apologizing, she justifies her actions with bullshit excuses. Never admits fault, never initially says she is sorry and will act like her actions, screaming and staying away from me are acceptable methods of resolving an issue. I figure she thinks if she yells incoherently, loud enough, the other person just secedes.

I've been through tons of sales, how to read body language/tone/facial expression trainings. I can read people instantly. After 6 years, I still can not read her. Maybe this is because I'm an empath and she completely lacks empathy. She can act fine and be on fire inside, or make a person think it's the worst day of her life, and she'll continuously reassure you that she is fine.

The only time that screamed and yelled like this is when I explain some form of emotional issue in the relationship. The first time it happened, I told her I felt like she didn't have time for a boyfriend/everything else is put before me. That shit was bad. In my face, pointing finger about 2 inches from my nose and acted like she wanted to murder me....all for feeling like she had lost interest and wanting to discuss. A person would think that reassurance was the answer to hurt feelings not yelling at the other person to make them feel better. Just odd behavior, I've never experienced a personality trait like this.

I feel kinda weird typing all this. My intent isn't to complain or nag about the situation. Just providing details to paint the picture.

[Alfisti]

But again, there's this underlying thing in our culture where it is the man treading on egg shells and the woman "has something to be upset about". What is driving this? Confrontational TV (reality shows, soap operas)?

I dunno what it is but almost every case of there being relationship issues on this forum it is the woman getting pissed at something.

If I was to go my separate ways I don't think i would couple up again, this shit really is ridiculous.

[Mein11]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

But again, there's this underlying thing in our culture where it is the man treading on egg shells and the woman "has something to be upset about". What is driving this? Confrontational TV (reality shows, soap operas)?

I dunno what it is but almost every case of there being relationship issues on this forum it is the woman getting pissed at something.

If I was to go my separate ways I don't think i would couple up again, this shit really is ridiculous.

Who knows what the cause is, but I think now we just see it because there are so many different avenues TO see it. Back in the day without all the media and technology, I'm sure this was still prevalent. Granted life was also different back then as it was mostly wives doing home and child care while the husband worked.

There's a different balance where women are now more empowered (rightfully so) because of disparities from the past. But, men are still supposed to suck it up and "be a man".

Not that it makes any of it any more right than wrong, but you have to find someone that is on the same level both maturity wise and mentally.

[fiveohwblow]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

But again, there's this underlying thing in our culture where it is the man treading on egg shells and the woman "has something to be upset about". What is driving this? Confrontational TV (reality shows, soap operas)?

I dunno what it is but almost every case of there being relationship issues on this forum it is the woman getting pissed at something.

If I was to go my separate ways I don't think i would couple up again, this shit really is ridiculous.

Bang on and something I’ve preached against from the jump. Can’t put the pussy on a pedestal. We’re separate but equals. I refuse to cater to any woman in that capacity, and, she should not I either. I never understood the allowing of this in relationships and would walk away faster than it began. Asking permission for shit.. miss me with that.

[rebekahb]

@King Rudi sorry to hear about the break up. At the same time, I think it's been coming for a while. You gave it your best. It isn't a relationship where there is no communication & you tried your best to try and work through things with her. If you need anything, hit me up.

[Alfisti]

Originally Posted by Mein11

Who knows what the cause is, but I think now we just see it because there are so many different avenues TO see it. Back in the day without all the media and technology, I'm sure this was still prevalent. Granted life was also different back then as it was mostly wives doing home and child care while the husband worked.

There's a different balance where women are now more empowered (rightfully so) because of disparities from the past. But, men are still supposed to suck it up and "be a man".

Not that it makes any of it any more right than wrong, but you have to find someone that is on the same level both maturity wise and mentally.

I don't think it is an equality thing, it's a borderline social stereotype that is out of control. There's this........ almost tactic to win power in the relationship by constantly causing conflict and the man succumbing to it just to get some fucking peace.

I see it all over this forum and I see it in all the couples i know, how often is the man doing the no talking thing to the woman or shooting her daggers or whatever? How often is the woman trying to understand why the man is upset?

I have two sons, 6 and 10, i need to figure this shit out before they start dating. It's fucking ridiculous.

[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by Mein11

Who knows what the cause is, but I think now we just see it because there are so many different avenues TO see it. Back in the day without all the media and technology, I'm sure this was still prevalent. Granted life was also different back then as it was mostly wives doing home and child care while the husband worked.

There's a different balance where women are now more empowered (rightfully so) because of disparities from the past. But, men are still supposed to suck it up and "be a man".

Not that it makes any of it any more right than wrong, but you have to find someone that is on the same level both maturity wise and mentally.

I think, honestly, its just a different way of thinking. Ive just been having these arguments with my current girlfriend and it gets escalated because Im not capable of "walking on eggshells."

I think culturally women are conditioned not to be up-front, etc and let stupid shit fester. Almost every single fight I have had is some asinine thing being blown out of proportion because had she told me about in real time I would have told her how stupid it was. So we get into a hole where she thinks ive committed some perceived slight, is bitchy, which in turn makes me react, and it becomes a real fight. Just last night we had one of those and it basically ended with me saying, "Youre hiding a problem from me, effectively stealing my ability to do anything about it, then being shitty to me because of it, and then acting like the victim when I want nothing to do with you. If youre not going to give me a chance to do something about it then Im not going to allow you to be a bitch about it, fix it yourself."

If it were more often and she wasn't bringing a lot of other things to the table Id be out. Its also something Ive had to battle with other girls so it just seems to be a thing, just some are better or worse than others.

Guys are more conditioned to just be up-front about it, rock the boat immediately and get it over with. The only guys Ive seen that kind of BS from were weirdos I just avoided anyway.

[Mein11]

It's one thing to have disagreements, it's another to have outright fights over stupid shit. I do not miss it one bit, and one reason why I'm hesitant to let anyone in aside from a friend with "benefits". Don't have the mental capacity to deal with the pettiness, so until someone rolls around that feels the same way, this is how it will be. Not all women are that combative, one girl I was seeing recently was zero issue in that regard, but had other things that I couldn't see fitting long term.

Such is life. People are people and everyone is different. But the whole walking on eggshells thing is dumb and sticking around to do such for the benefit of other "x" and "x" qualities doesn't always work out. Thus why my last LTR stopped. Everything else was phenomenal except the piss poor communication, which in end was destroying me mentally (and probably her too).

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by King Rudi

Initial response is that this is quite fucked. After about 10 seconds of thought, I don't know man; have you met other people?

After another quick thought, would I choose to spend an afternoon with my last cat or would I rather spend an afternoon with any of my ex's.....Cat for sure.

No actually. Normally she was cool, calm and collected. Almost frightening and scary at how calm she is most of the time. Almost like when your parents knew you had done something wrong, but haven't said anything yet, all the while you are waiting for them to drop the hammer and they just keep acting nice....it's like that, all the time. A few odd things that I have noticed though - If she knows something that she has a right to be upset about and bring to my attention, she doesn't. She acts like everything is fine and no problems whatsoever.....until I say anything about being upset or something she has done that bothered me. Then all hell breaks lose and she begins dropping every little thing that I've done to upset her. I suppose in her mind if she drops 20 reasons why she should be upset, it pales why I'm upset and I just shouldn't be upset at all. Why not just discuss these things as they arise and talk them out then? Another hot topic for me recently is how she tries to cover up or justify her actions, that she knows hurts or upsets me. If she has done something that upsets me, if I bring it to her attention; rather than explaining why she did something in hopes me understanding or apologizing, she justifies her actions with bullshit excuses. Never admits fault, never initially says she is sorry and will act like her actions, screaming and staying away from me are acceptable methods of resolving an issue. I figure she thinks if she yells incoherently, loud enough, the other person just secedes.

I've been through tons of sales, how to read body language/tone/facial expression trainings. I can read people instantly. After 6 years, I still can not read her. Maybe this is because I'm an empath and she completely lacks empathy. She can act fine and be on fire inside, or make a person think it's the worst day of her life, and she'll continuously reassure you that she is fine.

The only time that screamed and yelled like this is when I explain some form of emotional issue in the relationship. The first time it happened, I told her I felt like she didn't have time for a boyfriend/everything else is put before me. That shit was bad. In my face, pointing finger about 2 inches from my nose and acted like she wanted to murder me....all for feeling like she had lost interest and wanting to discuss. A person would think that reassurance was the answer to hurt feelings not yelling at the other person to make them feel better. Just odd behavior, I've never experienced a personality trait like this.

I feel kinda weird typing all this. My intent isn't to complain or nag about the situation. Just providing details to paint the picture.

fuck, did we date the same woman?

im going to utilize the next few days to give more details about my breakup. was chatting with a friend yesterday and he pointed out a few things regarding how toxic she was being especially while ending it… lol

[ryan stewart]

Originally Posted by Mein11

It's one thing to have disagreements, it's another to have outright fights over stupid shit. I do not miss it one bit, and one reason why I'm hesitant to let anyone in aside from a friend with "benefits". Don't have the mental capacity to deal with the pettiness, so until someone rolls around that feels the same way, this is how it will be. Not all women are that combative, one girl I was seeing recently was zero issue in that regard, but had other things that I couldn't see fitting long term.

Such is life. People are people and everyone is different. But the whole walking on eggshells thing is dumb and sticking around to do such for the benefit of other "x" and "x" qualities doesn't always work out. Thus why my last LTR stopped. Everything else was phenomenal except the piss poor communication, which in end was destroying me mentally (and probably her too).

Thats basically why its going down how its going down right now. Its "You need to fix this, this isnt my issue. And until then expect to get slapped down when you try it."

[nyalpine90]

I feel for you guys

[King Rudi]

Glad to hear that this isn't happening to just me. Some very valid points listed above. One of the last conversations I had with her, I told her that I wasn't a boy living with his parents with no job. I'm a man and I handle business like a man. If she wants a man in her life, she needs to stop trying to be the man in the relationship. Whatever happened to men being allowed to be men and take charge, or be in control of a situation. We battled the same issue when I hit her car. I handled every aspect of the situation with little to no effort required on her end. She still fought me tooth and nail on every step of the process.

Originally Posted by rebekahb

@King Rudi sorry to hear about the break up. At the same time, I think it's been coming for a while. You gave it your best. It isn't a relationship where there is no communication & you tried your best to try and work through things with her. If you need anything, hit me up.

Thank you dear. I'll be in touch once things start to slow down a little.

[Alfisti]

You've touched on another issue.

I dead set believe some women want to be involved, want to share responsibility for everything but secretly, almost sub consciously, want the man to take charge and resent the indecision.

That's incredibly sexist but....i've seen it.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

You've touched on another issue.

I dead set believe some women want to be involved, want to share responsibility for everything but secretly, almost sub consciously, want the man to take charge and resent the indecision.

That's incredibly sexist but....i've seen it.

I've seen this in the sense where the woman tries to be in control/charge, yet knows nothing about what is going on or what needs to be done. The man tries to handle it, then she second guesses, calls contractors to get a second opinion, etc. to a point where the guy just wants to step away from it now. Then after, the woman talks shit about how her man didn't know shit. This is my best friends wife. She is what the Germans would refer to as Das Uber Bitch.

[________]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

You've touched on another issue.

I dead set believe some women want to be involved, want to share responsibility for everything but secretly, almost sub consciously, want the man to take charge and resent the indecision.

That's incredibly sexist but....i've seen it.

This is true and is rooted in human behaviour. Women need protection and a decisive person around. Too many "I don't know, you decide" and you're out.

Speak of difficulties in communicating issues and resorting to attacks instead of describing how we feel, men do it too… that's why I said, hang in there, it's difficult sometimes. Need to find a way to resolve and communicate. It's painful until it's found.

Also, men, in general, are more rational than women. It's tricky not knowing how they think. Sometimes it feels like they're "dumb". I'm sure they feel the same way. It takes both to try to understand how the other sees things, to try to see it from their angle. It takes a lot of learning.

Learning how women think is my next goal. I can't live my life thinking they're stupid every time I can't get through with rational or logical thoughts. Emotion is a big part of life. And, like I said, just because we're not as emotional in general, doesn't mean we're not entirely… so we sometimes falter and don't communicate well, perpetuating the disagreements that are so small some times.

[Alfisti]

The indecision one is tricky though, I have seen women get upset when the man "takes charge" but when he doesn't the couple disintegrates into a wall of indecision, it's a dead set cliche but the dinner scenario plays out in much bigger ways at times. "What do you want to eat", 'I dunno" ..... ok let's go here..... "i don't feel like that". Like what?
What do you want? So you get this conflict of "don't lock me out of decision making" then "I can't make a decision" then "back of my brain says you're acting like a beta male so now i'm grumpy as i married/hooked up with a beta male".

In terms of rationality, i'd say that is the largest single source of conflict in the couples I know. Again, incredibly sexist but FUCK ME DEAD the gap is huge. Huge.

[nyalpine90]

here is my input on relationship and decisions

both need to be on same page when it comes to certain things like raising children, financial and anything that involves your home. i dont mind my wife making decisions because we talk about everything before she decides and vice versa. Also its important if one makes a decision and outcome doesnt turn out right, dont point fingers. You move on and take a different approach.... The stress isnt sitting on one person to decide everything. A strong independent woman is the key to lasting relationship, not just marriage.

[Turkish Pickle]

I just got off the phone with my dear friend Gabby. We've been friends since freshman year, she met my (now ex) gf, i met her bf, etc. Strictly good friends.

My main takeaway was that even though someone can be going through hardship, it matters a lot that the other person is supportive. Her bf was fairly depressed and his business was almost about to go under, but she supported him through the journey and now he's happy and she's happy for and with him.

I, on the other hand, was hit with constant bringing down. She even said "I'm glad you got out of that toxic situation". Her and another friend I was out with on Saturday both reminded me there are women who I can vibe with and they'll be supportive too. Both of these women are my friends, but both are attractive (I just dont see them that way). That really reminded me that yes, there *has* to be a woman that I find attractive who I can have a fulfilling relationship with.

I'm sure my ex feels the same, or maybe she doesn't. She made it a point to tell me to not sleep around when we broke up yet also told me her and her best friend went out to "see what's around".

[nyalpine90]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

I just got off the phone with my dear friend Gabby. We've been friends since freshman year, she met my (now ex) gf, i met her bf, etc. Strictly good friends.

My main takeaway was that even though someone can be going through hardship, it matters a lot that the other person is supportive. Her bf was fairly depressed and his business was almost about to go under, but she supported him through the journey and now he's happy and she's happy for and with him.

I, on the other hand, was hit with constant bringing down. She even said "I'm glad you got out of that toxic situation". Her and another friend I was out with on Saturday both reminded me there are women who I can vibe with and they'll be supportive too. Both of these women are my friends, but both are attractive (I just dont see them that way). That really reminded me that yes, there *has* to be a woman that I find attractive who I can have a fulfilling relationship with.

I'm sure my ex feels the same, or maybe she doesn't. She made it a point to tell me to not sleep around when we broke up yet also told me her and her best friend went out to "see what's around".

pretty much a narcissistic person
Pickle just be glad nothing ties you to her.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

I have two sons, 6 and 10, i need to figure this shit out before they start dating. It's fucking ridiculous.

Sometimes its best if they teach themselves, so to that end, have you considered.....writing an autobiography and forcing them to read it??