[G35POPPEDMYCHERRY]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

When I was much younger, I used to use ICQ (uh-oh) to look for girls around my city and around my age through the search feature...

My line was "wanna fuck?" And that was it.
I would get a laugh as response, many "fuck offs", "are you serious", etc. All expected.

One day, one girl replied back saying "sure".
I wasn't sure if she was serious, or a guy, or what have you... I kept it short... she lived a few kms away from me, and gave me her address.

I walked to the pharmacy, got a pack of condoms, took the bus and arrived to this apartment complex. She buzzes me in...

At first glance she is not my type. Chubby... looks older too (maybe 20-21).

We sit on the couch side by side, very awkwardly... tried to strike some sort of conversation, I wouldn't recall a word of it.
Maybe 5 minutes into that conversation, or what felt like 2 hours, I think I decide to show her the condoms I had bought.

I think we start kissing... then undressing...

I remember we did a little missionary, but then it was doggy style most of the way to the "end"...

I think it had turned out I wasn't much turned on anymore, and I basically called it quits. She looks over her shoulder and asks where my condom is.
I think she got mad because she thought I had removed it on purpose (as if... I'm naive but not stupid, to fuck a girl I had hit on with "wanna fuck" without a condom).

We look.
We look.
We look.

Nothing...

At this point, very sincerely and youngish, I say: "I think it's in there" - pointing to her vagina.

She is still mad. I ask if she needs help, to which she replies: "I'll get it myself later. It's time for you to go"

I get dressed and leave.

Not sure if this is "the most embarrassing moment" thread type story or if it fits here...

LMAOOO breh. this a common story for me when im drunk and my beer goggles begin to slide off

[aozer]

How do y’all respond to girls on bumble who just start off with a ‘heyyy’ or some lame shit? I thought bumble would be better than tinder because I wouldn’t have to do all the heavy lifting of breaking the ice, but when they start off like that I still feel like it’s all on me to come up with some kind of interesting opening line to get the conversation started.

[Germanauto]

Originally Posted by aozer

How do y’all respond to girls on bumble who just start off with a ‘heyyy’ or some lame shit? I thought bumble would be better than tinder because I wouldn’t have to do all the heavy lifting of breaking the ice, but when they start off like that I still feel like it’s all on me to come up with some kind of interesting opening line to get the conversation started.

Just troll them about something in their photos.

[Matt@EuroJerks]

Originally Posted by Germanauto

Just troll them about something in their photos.

Do you always wear your hair like that?

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by Kyngofpop

I'm seeing this, but how do you go from "hi" to "you're hot, wanna fuk?" on an app without the same chemistry that you would have in a face to face meeting? I've done it a few times but sending the message was ULTRA awkward and took days to get the courage to send it whereas in person there's eye contact, body language, even just a head nod sometimes for me and it's ON!

I turn borderline ferocious when that chemistry is there like any normal person would lol, but online it just doesn't feel as raw and animalistic: .

Maybe I'm doing it wrong which is why I seeing how you fellas do it to get some tips and pointers.

It still comes through conversation, just on a screen not in person. I never send stuff like "you're hot, wanna fuck?"

Just be yourself. I'm an acquired taste & I know it. I could bang more trim & such if I played the games &jumped through hoops, but I'd rather just be me & meet the women that aren't snowflakes.

YMMV

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by Germanauto

Just troll them about something in their photos.

You mean like duck lips, showing cleavage, etc?

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by aozer

How do y’all respond to girls on bumble who just start off with a ‘heyyy’ or some lame shit? I thought bumble would be better than tinder because I wouldn’t have to do all the heavy lifting of breaking the ice, but when they start off like that I still feel like it’s all on me to come up with some kind of interesting opening line to get the conversation started.

Bumble is a joke like all the apps. Most of my matches don't even speak. WTF are you swiping for then you lazy cunt?

When they do, it's also the bs "hi" & that's it etc. get a personality.

Just say something like "Hey, what exciting things do you have going on this week? or try "Hey, is that all you got? If so, I guess we can still fuck. Number?"

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

When I was much younger, I used to use ICQ (uh-oh) to look for girls around my city and around my age through the search feature...

My line was "wanna fuck?" And that was it.
I would get a laugh as response, many "fuck offs", "are you serious", etc. All expected.

One day, one girl replied back saying "sure".
I wasn't sure if she was serious, or a guy, or what have you... I kept it short... she lived a few kms away from me, and gave me her address.

I walked to the pharmacy, got a pack of condoms, took the bus and arrived to this apartment complex. She buzzes me in...

At first glance she is not my type. Chubby... looks older too (maybe 20-21).

We sit on the couch side by side, very awkwardly... tried to strike some sort of conversation, I wouldn't recall a word of it.
Maybe 5 minutes into that conversation, or what felt like 2 hours, I think I decide to show her the condoms I had bought.

I think we start kissing... then undressing...

I remember we did a little missionary, but then it was doggy style most of the way to the "end"...

I think it had turned out I wasn't much turned on anymore, and I basically called it quits. She looks over her shoulder and asks where my condom is.
I think she got mad because she thought I had removed it on purpose (as if... I'm naive but not stupid, to fuck a girl I had hit on with "wanna fuck" without a condom).

We look.
We look.
We look.

Nothing...

At this point, very sincerely and youngish, I say: "I think it's in there" - pointing to her vagina.

She is still mad. I ask if she needs help, to which she replies: "I'll get it myself later. It's time for you to go"

I get dressed and leave.

Not sure if this is "the most embarrassing moment" thread type story or if it fits here...

I think most of us have been there. I've "lost" condoms in women too. I don't even say anything. I'm just like "Oh well, she'll find it!" #savage

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by Not_Judy

Yep, just quoted myself. First time I've ever done this I feel kinda dirty doing it.

After thinking about this, there is something not quite right here. The only time a woman can't get laid if she is trying is when there is something legitimately wrong with her. Even bigger girls, crazy girls and girls with other issues can get what they want when they want.

I'm thinking.......RED FLAG!

Some people just like to talk shit too. I talked to her on the phone earlier. Married 25 years, last 7 no sex, etc. Seems like your generic 45 year old that is doing it backwards & sowing her oats now. She's supposed to be here around 8. I'll report back tomorrow. Bitch better not keep me up too late. I got work tomorrow & I am not a morning person!

[________]

Originally Posted by Never_Enough

I think most of us have been there. I've "lost" condoms in women too. I don't even say anything. I'm just like "Oh well, she'll find it!" #savage

Some things are hard to find man!

Case in point: The last chick I was dating was having trouble taking her menstrual cup out... I went in to help, it was stuck or in too deep. And it was my first time trying. She had been trying for a while... texted her sister and her sister told her to remember to crouch in the tub. Even so, she couldn't.

So as she is crouching in the tub I went in, and finally got it (I was afraid to hurt her too).

The tendon in my hand were sore the next day from pinching...

[________]

Originally Posted by Never_Enough

Some people just like to talk shit too. I talked to her on the phone earlier. Married 25 years, last 7 no sex, etc. Seems like your generic 45 year old that is doing it backwards & sowing her oats now. She's supposed to be here around 8. I'll report back tomorrow. Bitch better not keep me up too late. I got work tomorrow & I am not a morning person!

Make sure you can safeguard yourself with proof that you did not rape her. Setup some recording device or something. For real.

#bitchesbecrazy

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

Make sure you can safeguard yourself with proof that you did not rape her. Setup some recording device or something. For real.

#bitchesbecrazy

#pervertoverherehasthatcoveredforotherreasonsbutgo odpoint

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

Some things are hard to find man!

Case in point: The last chick I was dating was having trouble taking her menstrual cup out... I went in to help, it was stuck or in too deep. And it was my first time trying. She had been trying for a while... texted her sister and her sister told her to remember to crouch in the tub. Even so, she couldn't.

So as she is crouching in the tub I went in, and finally got it (I was afraid to hurt her too).

The tendon in my hand were sore the next day from pinching...

Is this cup thing new? Never heard of this.

Man, I am getting old. Fuck this shit. All my hair is almost gray #silverfoxbutnotreallyb/cfuglywhiteguy

[________]

Originally Posted by Never_Enough

#pervertoverherehasthatcoveredforotherreasonsbutgo odpoint

I LOLed! Way to go!!!!

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Never_Enough

You mean like duck lips, showing cleavage, etc?

NO but yes, you can do that but i'd say make sure you can convey the sarcasm and not just sound like... yourself

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

Make sure you can safeguard yourself with proof that you did not rape her. Setup some recording device or something. For real.

#bitchesbecrazy

+1000000000000000

we have a IP camera in my apartment, not risking that shit. i work with the school on this issue and at least here literally anything can be defined as "sexual assault" aka ruin your career material even if it's a hug she's not into it...

also a tip, idk how necessary this is in real life (off campuses) but i let them stay the night to take them out to breakfast in the morning. by doing so you convey the message that they aren't "objectified" - shit's complicated and almost even unnecessary but gotta do what you gotta do

[________]

Originally Posted by Never_Enough

Is this cup thing new? Never heard of this.

Man, I am getting old. Fuck this shit. All my hair is almost gray #silverfoxbutnotreallyb/cfuglywhiteguy

It's a new "fad", like veganism and tree hugging.

It's supposed to be more environmentally friendly than tampons, because you only have the one silicon cup for its life...

[________]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

NO but yes, you can do that but i'd say make sure you can convey the sarcasm and not just sound like... yourself

+1000000000000000

we have a IP camera in my apartment, not risking that shit. i work with the school on this issue and at least here literally anything can be defined as "sexual assault" aka ruin your career material even if it's a hug she's not into it...

also a tip, idk how necessary this is in real life (off campuses) but i let them stay the night to take them out to breakfast in the morning. by doing so you convey the message that they aren't "objectified" - shit's complicated and almost even unnecessary but gotta do what you gotta do

Same reason I have dash cams in my cars. One cannot be protected enough in the age of "a woman's word is worth like evidence".

Just film this shit and cover your ass (figuratively and literally - no one wants to see that shit).

And don't share the videos. Ever. Just keep them for evidence.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

Same reason I have dash cams in my cars. One cannot be protected enough in the age of "a woman's word is worth like evidence".

Just film this shit and cover your ass (figuratively and literally - no one wants to see that shit).

And don't share the videos. Ever. Just keep them for evidence.

dude yeah lmao im not trying to get into the amateur porn business... wouldn't want the boys to see my hairy ass. then again, mooning the internet sounds fun...

but yeah ive been meaning to get a dashcam, last year back home got in an accident with minor injuries on the dude; the guy didnt stop and I t-boned him (this was also after my first day at my internship). thankfully the guy was levelheaded enough AND there were security cameras looking at that intersection from the office, but was made fun of for the remainder... lol
(to be clear: i t boned him fairly well but he only got injuries from his window exploding, a few cuts from glass shards on his arm)

[________]

Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke

dude yeah lmao im not trying to get into the amateur porn business... wouldn't want the boys to see my hairy ass. then again, mooning the internet sounds fun...

but yeah ive been meaning to get a dashcam, last year back home got in an accident with minor injuries on the dude; the guy didnt stop and I t-boned him (this was also after my first day at my internship). thankfully the guy was levelheaded enough AND there were security cameras looking at that intersection from the office, but was made fun of for the remainder... lol
(to be clear: i t boned him fairly well but he only got injuries from his window exploding, a few cuts from glass shards on his arm)

I too t-boned a woman in a roundabout. I was already in the roundabout.
at the moment of exchanging info she was shook up and apologizing.

Later, lied to the insurance company.
It would've been a 50/50 split almost certainly because her version was so off.

I then brought the video in when they called me scheduling an "in-person review with the office". 100% not at fault for me.

Never again.

[DETRoadster]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

Make sure you can safeguard yourself with proof that you did not rape her. Setup some recording device or something. For real.

#bitchesbecrazy

Crazy. The sh*t people have to deal with these days. How long before you have to whip out a consent form?

I am not under this influence of drugs or alcohol - check
I am over the age of 18 - check
I am here of my own free will and not being paid or coerced - check
I wish to engage in the following sexual acts (check all that apply)

Sounds like a real minefield out there.

[DETRoadster]

Originally Posted by OnerDriver

I too t-boned a woman in a roundabout. I was already in the roundabout.
at the moment of exchanging info she was shook up and apologizing.

Later, lied to the insurance company.
It would've been a 50/50 split almost certainly because her version was so off.

I then brought the video in when they called me scheduling an "in-person review with the office". 100% not at fault for me.

Never again.

Ha ha ha! I read up from the bottom and read your post without seeing what you were responding to. Did not realize you had moved on from banging chicks to dashcams. I saw "I too T-Boned a woman in a roundabout" and was like "what kind of crazy ass sex position is that?!" Thought you were talking about a recent date.

[________]

Originally Posted by DETRoadster

Ha ha ha! I read up from the bottom and read your post without seeing what you were responding to. Did not realize you had moved on from banging chicks to dashcams. I was saw "I too T-Boned a woman in a roundabout" and was like "what kind of crazy ass sex position is that?!"

Hahahaha I had a similar thought when he was talking about boning a dude... hahahahaha

#dirtymindsthinkalike