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      02-19-2019, 01:25 PM   #3411
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Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
And you came here for that????


Well, despite your obvious first missteps, you may in fact find some good advice.

I'm not so sure I'd want to get married at 22 either to be honest. I think you are justified in being hesitant. You are young still, so is she, like it or not, there is still a level of immaturity and while you think you may both want each other, in a few years, you may find that not to be the case.

I'm not American, so can't help much, but is there no other options for her to stay a little longer?

If she's done her studies, is there no way to find employment in that field here where her employer will give her a green card? I'd suggest the employment option, its my understanding that this is something that allows you to stay in 'MERICA! (yeah)...seems like the best option to buy you both some time without going nuclear and ticking the marriage option.
I agree. Even if she was a citizen I would say do not get married at 22. No way. South Africa really wouldn't work for a long distance relationship but that should not force your decision. If she can get some kind of work visa, that's great but I do not think you should get married in a rush.
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      02-19-2019, 01:28 PM   #3412
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Originally Posted by MrGatsby View Post
I came here for the multitude of perspectives and brutal honesty. Two things the forums do best.

I agree on your second paragraph. My main concern is just that: will we still feel this way in a few years?

In regards to employment, we have explored this, and the issue lies despite her degree. For a company to sponsor her visa they have to pay 10's of thousands of dollars to do so. When an equally qualified candidate comes in without the company having to pay for the green card, they will always choose them unfortunately.
If it’s any consolation your town is cute. I had lunch there a couple of weeks ago. Boca.

As to your plight, wow, tough one. One obvious solution but one I woudn’t recommend is to get married with the understanding that you’re not really ready for it but would do so just to keep her in country. It’s a solution but one which might very well create more problems than it would solve, plus I think it’s illegal. But we wouldn’t tell. Lol.
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      02-19-2019, 01:31 PM   #3413
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As others have stated, do not get married at this age. In no way am I discounting how you feel about her but let me ask this - when you were a young wee lad, did you like to play with toys? Do you still like to play with toys? Would you wager half of your liquid/capital on the fact that in 7-10 years that you (or her) will still feel the same way?

Next....
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      02-19-2019, 01:34 PM   #3414
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Originally Posted by Now_Rudi View Post
As others have stated, do not get married at this age. In no way am I discounting how you feel about her but let me ask this - when you were a young wee lad, did you like to play with toys? Do you still like to play with toys? Would you wager half of your liquid/capital on the fact that in 7-10 years that you (or her) will still feel the same way?

Next....
I still like to play with toys, but my toys have been significantly upgraded. From hot wheels to E92 M3. From stopwatch to Panerai. etc.

In regards to half my assets, we have actually discussed if we were to go through with this, we would have a prenup to insure no issues. she even went as far as to write a clause that if the marriage ends prior to a certain time-frame (2-3 years) I would be heavily compensated. She suggested this is to make it certain that she is not in it for the green card.
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      02-19-2019, 01:35 PM   #3415
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrGatsby View Post
I came here for the multitude of perspectives and brutal honesty. Two things the forums do best.

I agree on your second paragraph. My main concern is just that: will we still feel this way in a few years?

In regards to employment, we have explored this, and the issue lies despite her degree. For a company to sponsor her visa they have to pay 10's of thousands of dollars to do so. When an equally qualified candidate comes in without the company having to pay for the green card, they will always choose them unfortunately.
Fair point on the employer choice, but I trust that isn't preventing either of you from immediately sending the resume around, knocking on doors now before she finishes, just to test the waters.

It is possible that one of the companies you go to will either not have anyone else as qualified and will be willing to foot the bill. No harm in trying, but I hope you are already doing that.

And so I presume there are no other visas out there - as I said, not American, so not sure.

How about claiming refugee or illegal (sorry, undocumented) immigrant status?

(May need to move to a "sanctuary" state).

I truly am laughing, but it may honestly be an option....California dreamin....lol
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      02-19-2019, 01:37 PM   #3416
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Originally Posted by ****** View Post
If itís any consolation your town is cute. I had lunch there a couple of weeks ago. Boca.

As to your plight, wow, tough one. One obvious solution but one I woudnít recommend is to get married with the understanding that youíre not really ready for it but would do so just to keep her in country. Itís a solution but one which might very well create more problems than it would solve, plus I think itís illegal. But we wouldnít tell. Lol.
I do think honesty is best in this situation, and what you have just said is the honest truth on how I feel.
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      02-19-2019, 01:47 PM   #3417
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Originally Posted by MrGatsby View Post
I still like to play with toys, but my toys have been significantly upgraded. From hot wheels to E92 M3. From stopwatch to Panerai. etc.

In regards to half my assets, we have actually discussed if we were to go through with this, we would have a prenup to insure no issues. she even went as far as to write a clause that if the marriage ends prior to a certain time-frame (2-3 years) I would be heavily compensated. She suggested this is to make it certain that she is not in it for the green card.
I thought about that after I typed it out. I tend to have expensive taste in toys now as well. Valid point.
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      02-19-2019, 01:52 PM   #3418
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Originally Posted by Now_Rudi View Post
I thought about that after I typed it out. I tend to have expensive taste in toys now as well. Valid point.
No one wants to know about your diamond encrusted fleshlight ok?
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      02-19-2019, 01:53 PM   #3419
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I still say go with the refugee / undocumented immigrant claim. Fact is, I like to believe he's taking so long to shoot down my idea is because he's busy googling the option to see if they can pull it off lol
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      02-19-2019, 01:55 PM   #3420
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Originally Posted by Run Silent View Post
Well - first - this is weird, because I am married to a South African and I was born and raised in Winter Park, FL.

Freaky....

Anyway - give us some more specifics, or if worried about posting in a public forum, private message me, and I can try and help.[/B]

Specifically, what University is she going to (UCF I assume?) and what is her degree in?

Also, what type of student visa is she on? F, J, or M and when does it officially expire (I assume 30 days upon culmination of classes)?
That is freaky indeed. Considering the similarities, I am glad to hear "am married", rather than "was married". I'm going to send a PM.
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      02-19-2019, 02:02 PM   #3421
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Originally Posted by MrGatsby View Post
That is freaky indeed. Considering the similarities, I am glad to hear "am married", rather than "was married". I'm going to send a PM.
Better ask him his rates first, he’s a CPA you know... haha.

But this is great, Run Silent will be a great source for you. Great forum, huh. Kudos to Judy, er, Rudi, still can’t get used to that.
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      02-19-2019, 02:11 PM   #3422
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Originally Posted by ****** View Post
Kudos to Judy, er, Rudi, still canít get used to that.
I just use the alliteration "Just Judy is now Rudi and is still a little tuti fruity".

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      02-19-2019, 02:22 PM   #3423
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Now_Rudi View Post
Or something that is difficult to remove quickly. Break up sex is real son.
oh? fingers slightly crossed but im not sure if i want to stay involved

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Originally Posted by MrGatsby View Post
Alright gentleman, I am in need of some sound advice.

I have been with a girl for the last year, and we have a phenomenal relationship. We are extremely healthy together. We rarely get jealous, and have a lot of trust. Our arguments solely consist of what show we are going to watch or where we are going to eat. We see eye to eye on the big picture stuff, and thoroughly enjoy our time together. We truly are great together and both share these same feelings. And man she is sexy.

Here's where it gets tricky. She is from South Africa. She came here for school 3 years ago, and just finished up her studies. Her student visa is running out and by December she will have to go back, unless we get married. She has been very up front with me about her situation and what needs to happen for her to stay. I do love this girl, and see myself marrying her in the future, however this time sensitive pressure is starting to really get to me. I am 22 years old and did not see myself getting married at such a young age. She has made it very evident the marriage isn't solely for the green card, as she does want to build a life with me. I have no doubt this is the truth.

My main concern lies in the fact that things are so good right now, I don't want to jump in to a marriage and have it mess up what we have. We would need to start the marriage process within the next few months in order for her to stay, and I have been hesitant. I am not really sure where to go from here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrGatsby View Post
I still like to play with toys, but my toys have been significantly upgraded. From hot wheels to E92 M3. From stopwatch to Panerai. etc.

In regards to half my assets, we have actually discussed if we were to go through with this, we would have a prenup to insure no issues. she even went as far as to write a clause that if the marriage ends prior to a certain time-frame (2-3 years) I would be heavily compensated. She suggested this is to make it certain that she is not in it for the green card.
AHA - here's some counter perspective for you. im on a F1 visa studying in america, but I wouldn't get married for papers or for any other reason when im straight out of college.

even if not much right now is depending on it, you know? all i pretty much "have" under my name is my car, computer, phone and watch (fellow paneristi, nice. my graduation gift was a 560). I hope/work so that it doesn't stay as those. so financially i'd be out about $10k which isn't terrible in the bigger scheme of things but so much stuff depends on it it's not really a gamble i'd take. Hell, a few pages back I said one of my friends would marry me if I bought her a $70k range rover...

don't know her degree, but for STEM based people there's a 2 year extension OPT. and naturally i cant know the background of either of you, but one of my buddies was super psyched because her gf started studying here, they even signed a lease for next year together. now it's not really going well, but this is a guy that said he also foresaw the future with her...

i'd vote a big NO on this situation. not because of anything like "she tryna trick you for papers bro" but more because getting married at 22. read that sentence out loud again please! we have a long life ahead of us my dude, i'm not saying be like me and complain to a bunch of BMW enthusiasts about ghosting girls but I also feel like 22 is just too young.
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      02-19-2019, 02:24 PM   #3424
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Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke View Post
you guys made me go soft - just texted her to get coffee. will explain stuff outright, but i'm pretty much done here... i sincerely don't see the point in doing so but i trust you guys
Pretty sure we aren't the ones who made you soft, but don't tell her that!

But seriously, proud of you for being mature and not ghosting her.
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      02-19-2019, 02:35 PM   #3425
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Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
No one wants to know about your diamond encrusted fleshlight ok?
I wouldn't saw "diamonds" but it may be encrusted no doubt.

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Originally Posted by ****** View Post
Better ask him his rates first, heís a CPA you know... haha.

But this is great, Run Silent will be a great source for you. Great forum, huh. Kudos to Judy, er, Rudi, still canít get used to that.
Eh.....my real name is Jody......but I go by many names.

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Originally Posted by Run Silent View Post
I just use the alliteration "Just Judy is now Rudi and is still a little tuti fruity".

Funny enough, it was originally Just Jody then Not Judy.

Not sure if I have shared this story on here but the first wife's aunt could never remember Jody so I was Josh, Joey, she actually called me Jebidiah one day.....then it became Toby and soon after her entire family was calling me Kunta.

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Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke View Post
oh? fingers slightly crossed but im not sure if i want to stay involved
Indeed. Countless times in my life have I broken up with a girl only to be having sex moments after......sometimes a few days after but nonetheless...it's happened a lot......for real.....A LOT.
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      02-19-2019, 02:36 PM   #3426
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I just use the alliteration "Just Judy is now Rudi and is still a little tuti fruity".

Well....well that's....well that's just

And I'm totally going to overlook the dogshit like attempts at spelling "tutti" and "frutti" and never hold that against you. Never. Not that kind of person. No sir.


I'm a liar. I'm judging. Harsher than a whole brethren assembly.
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      02-19-2019, 02:59 PM   #3427
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This entire thread is nothing short of gold.
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      02-19-2019, 04:16 PM   #3428
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This entire thread is nothing short of gold.
That's because it's a good mix of not just the usual suspects but some fresh blood too!
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      02-20-2019, 07:17 AM   #3429
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That's because it's a good mix of not just the usual suspects but some fresh blood too!
you rang?
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      02-20-2019, 08:10 AM   #3430
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you rang?
How's ponytails?
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      02-20-2019, 09:58 AM   #3431
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Originally Posted by aozer View Post
Yea I just recently did the same thing. She texted me after our second date and said we should do it again some time. I just deleted her number and never responded. After listening to her complain about her boring ass job for two hours while we were getting drinks I realized I couldnít stand to see her again.
That's an immature and selfish response. Don't do this.

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Originally Posted by bimmette View Post
You guys that ghost are rude. How hard is it to text:
"Hey, look I don't see us going anywhere/ don't see you as more than a friend/ don't feel any chemistry, so I won't be in contact anymore. Best of luck to you."
You don't even have to do it in person or call. Be a decent person.
Agree. This is what you do, at a minimum. If you have been on more than say, three dates, in person is probably not a bad idea.
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      02-20-2019, 10:06 AM   #3432
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Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke View Post
you guys made me go soft - just texted her to get coffee. will explain stuff outright, but i'm pretty much done here... i sincerely don't see the point in doing so but i trust you guys
Sounds like you need to head over to the Viagra experience thread.
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