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      09-07-2018, 11:26 AM   #155
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Originally Posted by MKSixer View Post
Dude...I live in the south. Me showing up with blonde haired blue-eyed bikini chick can cause some problems with a certain element. It actually has. Welcome to my world. Racism is a real thing.
Yes, we know it's real. It will keep being real b/c everyone keeps making it an issue on both sides. So what is "the talk"?
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      09-07-2018, 11:32 AM   #156
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Originally Posted by Not_Judy View Post
We do use the L word. Honestly a little more than I would like to. In all honesty I do love her but there are different stages of love. I love her in the sense that I care about her and her well being. I do not love her in the sense that I want to spend every second of my day with her. I enjoy her company but I also enjoy my personal space just as much.
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Originally Posted by Never_Enough View Post
I'm assuming you haven't told her that & she thinks you love love her. If not, that's not cool, man. If you have, well you're both setting yourselves up for heartbreak when you do move.
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Originally Posted by Not_Judy View Post
Told her which? That I plan to move or that I love[i]love[i] her? I've discussed both with her in detail. She isn't happy about it but she also isn't going anywhere. The move will be difficult for both of us to a degree but my goal in life is to be more financially secure and to be happy. I've lived my entire life trying to make other people happy and now it's my turn. The proverbial breaking of the egg to make the omelet.
I'm not a shrink nor do I play one on TV but from my own personal experience and relating it to that of my other friends who are divorced, those partners who maintain a sense of self in the marriage have marriages that do better. I know that my personality became sublimated into the thing that our marriage became and consumed my sense of freedom, fun and ability to recognize that I was in a problematic situation.

The first 6 months to 12 months were like a period in a decompression chamber. It was amazing to get back to the things I enjoyed without the pressure and hassle of attempting to manage a terrible relationship.

I think it's perfectly normal and healthy to want to be alone at times. You damn well better like yourself and if not, you need some bro time or couch time. Take your pick.

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      09-07-2018, 11:38 AM   #157
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Never_Enough View Post
Yes, we know it's real. It will keep being real b/c everyone keeps making it an issue on both sides. So what is "the talk"?
Are you going to be ok being with me in the south and hanging out?
How are your friends going to handle it?
How will your family handle it?
I share my experience with my friends. I let her know that when we go places in my state a lot of people will approach me because I know lots of people and I'm from a prominent family. (The one I'm dating now was not cool with it at first.)
I let her know that black women will look daggers at her and to be prepared for it.
And a smattering of other things.

I have been universally thanked by them after the talk. We're adults and there are very few good surprises when you're an adult. Open and honest communication about anything you may encounter is the best way to go.
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      09-07-2018, 12:40 PM   #158
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Originally Posted by Never_Enough View Post
The love love part. She said she's ok with you just leaving one day? SHe's such a liar. No one is ever ok with the person they love just rolling out like that.
She never really says much when I discuss this with her. She states that she doesn't want to lose me but she also knows that I'm not going to stick around in a town where the median income $26k/year with nothing keeping me here but her. Do I love her, yes, but emotional commitments only cause hardship and pain; I'm beyond this.

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Originally Posted by MKSixer View Post
I'm not a shrink nor do I play one on TV but from my own personal experience and relating it to that of my other friends who are divorced, those partners who maintain a sense of self in the marriage have marriages that do better. I know that my personality became sublimated into the thing that our marriage became and consumed my sense of freedom, fun and ability to recognize that I was in a problematic situation.

The first 6 months to 12 months were like a period in a decompression chamber. It was amazing to get back to the things I enjoyed without the pressure and hassle of attempting to manage a terrible relationship.

I think it's perfectly normal and healthy to want to be alone at times. You damn well better like yourself and if not, you need some bro time or couch time. Take your pick.

Cheers-mk
When I divorced my second wife and started becoming acclimated with being able to do the things I wanted to again, without having to explain every detail down to the minute. It felt like watching a pet that only stays indoor being allowed outside for the first time. I felt like I should constantly be looking over shoulder to make sure it was ok. Very strange progression in getting back to who I once was after that succubus siphoned my soul through my knee caps. I'm still a firm believer that a person must be happy with themselves before they should get into relationship with anyone. Being miserable is only going to make someone else miserable.
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      09-07-2018, 12:46 PM   #159
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Have a date today, but she never responded to my text yesterday about location (I let her pick since I don't know the area well).

Not even gonna text again, I'm cool doing something else with my time.
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      09-07-2018, 12:49 PM   #160
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Originally Posted by Alfisti View Post
I am absolutely petrified of not seeing my kids every day and also extremely concerned about the inevitable man that will be introduced to them and somewhat parent them.

Otherwise I am out.
Very difficult indeed. My e-wife and I had joint custody for the past 10 years until my two sons were told they could do whatever they wanted at her house. My house was riddled with chores and responsibility. They quickly stopped coming to my house. I've seen my boys on average maybe 7-10 a year for the past 3 years. The youngest turns 18 in 2 weeks. I feel like my time with them was stolen over their mothers desire to get as much money as she could from me. She won, but the price was the damage done to my sons for not having any sense of responsibility. She has taught them to be dependent on other people and now she is dealing with the consequences of having two sons who don't work mooching off her and child support is about to come to an end. The 10 years of hell that I have endured are about to come full circle. I'm going to take my $600/month raise I'm about to claim now and grab some popcorn. This shit is about to get good.
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      09-07-2018, 01:12 PM   #161
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Originally Posted by Not_Judy View Post
Very difficult indeed. My e-wife and I had joint custody for the past 10 years until my two sons were told they could do whatever they wanted at her house. My house was riddled with chores and responsibility. They quickly stopped coming to my house. I've seen my boys on average maybe 7-10 a year for the past 3 years. The youngest turns 18 in 2 weeks. I feel like my time with them was stolen over their mothers desire to get as much money as she could from me. She won, but the price was the damage done to my sons for not having any sense of responsibility. She has taught them to be dependent on other people and now she is dealing with the consequences of having two sons who don't work mooching off her and child support is about to come to an end. The 10 years of hell that I have endured are about to come full circle. I'm going to take my $600/month raise I'm about to claim now and grab some popcorn. This shit is about to get good.
Buy yourself something nice. As a product of divorce and not being raised by either of my parents, yet they still managed to fuck me up quite well, I will never understand how one can purposefully damage their children. Disgusting.
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      09-07-2018, 01:15 PM   #162
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Originally Posted by Germanauto View Post
Have a date today, but she never responded to my text yesterday about location (I let her pick since I don't know the area well).

Not even gonna text again, I'm cool doing something else with my time.
& the world is still the same shit hole it was yesterday Sorry, bro. The good news is always they have issues, not the one being ghosted for no reason.

Friendly advice, always pick the place/activity. Women dig that. Even if you say grab a drink at X pub, you tell her what is going down.

I am fortunate to have a main drag in my town with many bars, restaurants & even a winery so I just pre-game & walk to whichever one I told her we're meeting at. When they don't go well, I just roll out & walk home. Sometimes texting another girl to hang out as I walk.
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      09-07-2018, 01:18 PM   #163
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Originally Posted by Not_Judy View Post
but emotional commitments only cause hardship and pain; I'm beyond this.
Not when it's the right one. (I'm not saying she's the right one)

Relationships are work, even the good ones, but the good ones are worth the work.

I should have my own TV show & give Dr Phil the boot.
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      09-07-2018, 01:21 PM   #164
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Originally Posted by MKSixer View Post
Are you going to be ok being with me in the south and hanging out?
Are these long-distance women or something?

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How are your friends going to handle it?
How will your family handle it?
So you're asking if her friends and/or family are racist? Wowzas.

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I share my experience with my friends. I let her know that when we go places in my state a lot of people will approach me because I know lots of people and I'm from a prominent family. (The one I'm dating now was not cool with it at first.)
Way too vague to respond to.

Quote:
I let her know that black women will look daggers at her and to be prepared for it.
And a smattering of other things.
Women are cunts regardless. Just perhaps a little more of it in that case. Are you looking for a gf or a talk show co-host?

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We're adults and there are very few good surprises when you're an adult. Open and honest communication about anything you may encounter is the best way to go.
I agree. Sadly, most people are anything but honest anymore.
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      09-07-2018, 01:28 PM   #165
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update: remember how i said i'd never run into A if i wanted?
one of my clubs had a meeting in a liberal arts building, did not realize it was her until she looked at me with a shocked face and then walked by looking down on the floor. so i texted her asking if she's in the building and i saw her, vague responses etc. finally i said that i wanted to buy her coffee to explain why i was a dumbass over the summer, here's hoping i don't get ditched lol

if i am though the boys will be out for happy hour, drop my bag off and it's dollar jager bombs
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      09-07-2018, 01:28 PM   #166
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Never_Enough View Post
Buy yourself something nice. As a product of divorce and not being raised by either of my parents, yet they still managed to fuck me up quite well, I will never understand how one can purposefully damage their children. Disgusting.
I'm sorry to hear that. My parents divorced while I was young. Mom was never around after that and my father did a pretty good job of instilling fear in my sister and I. We both ended up fairly successful at what we do but we were pretty fucked up as well. Lot's of deep rooted issues there. My sister and I have both been in therapy and used to call each other and compare notes. We are the only two people that I know of that have managed to make therapists cry. We may be a little sadistic to feel like this is an accomplishment.

As for the money, I've got a game plan. It coincides with the selling of the house and moving in a few years. The money will go into upgrades on the house so that I can maximize my profit when I sell it. If everything goes according to plan, when I leave this little shitty redneck town, I'll have almost $200k in my pocket to play with.
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      09-07-2018, 01:34 PM   #167
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Originally Posted by Germanauto View Post
Have a date today, but she never responded to my text yesterday about location (I let her pick since I don't know the area well).

Not even gonna text again, I'm cool doing something else with my time.
She's frustrated that she cant find a good man.
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      09-07-2018, 01:37 PM   #168
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Not_Judy View Post
Very difficult indeed. My e-wife and I had joint custody for the past 10 years until my two sons were told they could do whatever they wanted at her house. My house was riddled with chores and responsibility. They quickly stopped coming to my house. I've seen my boys on average maybe 7-10 a year for the past 3 years.
This. This is what worries me. I am by far the firmer one, realising I am raising two boys who will one day be men, i let them have fun but she just spoils them and doesn't discipline.

I definitely see myself becoming the bad guy and losing them whilst some slime ball slide sin trying to parent them.

I also feel with this "there's 31 legal genders" bullshit that i need to step in and correct the state with my boys, she won't do it.

She make smore than me so not worried about being shafter financially.
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      09-07-2018, 01:38 PM   #169
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Another one was this chick that literally stared at the floor not speaking. I can't even exaggerate this one, it was that bad of a WTF?!

Of course, she used the "shy" bs excuse. So is that how you act at a job interview or any other social setting? Grow up.

I'm an introvert, but that is not an excuse to be an idiot.
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      09-07-2018, 02:13 PM   #170
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfisti View Post
This. This is what worries me. I am by far the firmer one, realising I am raising two boys who will one day be men, i let them have fun but she just spoils them and doesn't discipline.

I definitely see myself becoming the bad guy and losing them whilst some slime ball slide sin trying to parent them.

I also feel with this "there's 31 legal genders" bullshit that i need to step in and correct the state with my boys, she won't do it.

She make smore than me so not worried about being shafter financially.
Yeah, based on where the school curriculum is here in Canada, I think we are going to send our boys to private school. Have a little more control there and there's not the same nonsense.
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      09-07-2018, 02:37 PM   #171
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Oh look, another angry cunt on POF. Started talking with her a couple days ago. She ghosts mid convo. I have seen her log on & off a few times between now & then. I message her with "Amazing chat" b/c sarcasm is fun!

She replies to that, though! with..."Look, I work." I said "Cool, me too. Remember civility? Get some." & blocked her.

I probably should have not said shit & just blocked, but someone has to tell these people (Both men & women) that acting like this is not ok.

Last edited by Never_Enough; 09-07-2018 at 03:20 PM..
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      09-07-2018, 03:14 PM   #172
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Guys. Is this a factual thread? Do I need to pay attention?
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You're still a little new here, so I'll let you in on a little secret. Whenever Lups types gibberish, this is an opportunity for you to imagine it to be whatever you'd like it to be.
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How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
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      09-07-2018, 03:21 PM   #173
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Guys. Is this a factual thread? Do I need to pay attention?
Look, our stories are obviously too nuts to make up. Get with it.
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      09-07-2018, 03:29 PM   #174
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Originally Posted by Never_Enough View Post
Look, our stories are obviously too nuts to make up. Get with it.
I still haven't read this. I'm a bit I'll, and I'm bad shape now.
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How would you know this? Did mommy catch you jerking off to some Big Foot porn ?
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      09-07-2018, 03:53 PM   #175
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I'll drop another story. Messaged a girl on a dating site for no other reason than sex. She was cute. We chatted for a day. She made it very clear upfront that she wasn't easy and sex wasn't going to happen anytime soon. The next day she came to my house. Instantly insisted that I was in the closet or that I was married because I have a nice home. She couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that a single man could live in a nice clean and well decorated home. After a few drinks she continued this notion and I finally had enough. I explained that just because she lives in a shanty and doesn't have nice shit doesn't give her the right to make judgments against people who are in a better financial situation than her. She didn't talk for the next 10 minutes. She went outside on my back deck to smoke a cigarette and finish her drink. She came back inside, asked if we could go to the liquor store to get more alcohol. I thought for sure after me being a full on prick to her she would want to go home. I take her in the garage (at this point she had not seen my car) open the passenger side door of the Lexus for her, she give me a dirty look obviously hating on me.

I drive to the liquor store at breakneck speed and she is obviously loving it. Suddenly she become extremely handsy and very friendly. She's also incredibly drunk at this point. I get liquor, get in the car and she starts with the oral before we leave the parking lot. She stayed the night. The acts that took place that night we not kind on my part. I treated her like a $2 whore with intent of never speaking to her again after. Apparently she loved it and harassed the shit out of me for another month wanting it again. I of course ghosted her ass.
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      09-07-2018, 04:28 PM   #176
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfisti View Post
This. This is what worries me. I am by far the firmer one, realising I am raising two boys who will one day be men, i let them have fun but she just spoils them and doesn't discipline.

I definitely see myself becoming the bad guy and losing them whilst some slime ball slide sin trying to parent them.

I also feel with this "there's 31 legal genders" bullshit that i need to step in and correct the state with my boys, she won't do it.

She make smore than me so not worried about being shafter financially.
I did deal with this once about 2 years after our divorce. She had some p.o.s. that she went on a date with on a Friday night and when I dropped my boys off at their mothers on Sunday he was moved in with her.

A few weeks later the ex-wife had bought an inflatable pool. My boys and his daughter were all playing in the pool. My youngest son who is incredibly soft-hearted apparently splashed his daughter in the face and she started crying. This soon to be struggling for his life piece of shit, held my sons head under the water and started yelling at him.

When I showed up to pick up my boys, the youngest was still crying. He explained to me what happened before we left her house. I instantly went to the door and rang the bell. She answered the door and he refused to come to the front of the house; he was hiding out back. After me explaining to her that if he ever touched my child again, I'd hold his head under the water. I then acted like I was leaving and walked around the side of the house and took him by surprise. Grabbed him by his throat and shoved him up against the wall. Leaned in close to his hear and spoke very quietly and sternly and said, "If you ever touch my child again, no one will ever find your body." It took everything I had not to completely wreck his shit. The only reason I didn't is because his daughter was there and my boys were watching.

By the time I dropped my kids off on Sunday he had moved out.
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