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      09-14-2018, 10:26 AM   #441
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I don't care how hot or good the sex is, I would not be in a relationship with that level of crazy. Fuck buddy or something, sure.
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      09-14-2018, 10:28 AM   #442
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Originally Posted by Never_Enough View Post
I don't care how hot or good the sex is, I would not be in a relationship with that level of crazy. Fuck buddy or something, sure.
Once you do it you wonít be able to go back to normal
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      09-14-2018, 10:34 AM   #443
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Originally Posted by ImolaMoop View Post
Wow can’t imagine being married to one. Sounds stressful when there’s money involved. And holy shet if there’s kids.

For mine, Granted she is 18. There’s an immaturity factor too.

Another few classic signs:

Loves to dye her hair or cut her hair differently
Very up and down relationship with friends and mom
Told me she loves me the third day I knew her
Watches porn a lot
Hates her own race (chinese) in terms of looks
Yep, check, check....three days is way too soon mine was about 3 weeks, check and that's fucking crazy!

Mine would invent problems for attention. Some were just way out there! Would call me at all hours of the night when we were dating and would either leave me voicemails singing me love songs (she couldn't sing for shit) or would moan (acting like she was having sex) to get under my skin. Serious substance abuse problems. There was always some form of intoxicant, it went from alcohol to pot to hard drugs back to alcohol back to pot, repeat. Nothing was done in moderation. She would smoke an entire joint and then light another. Don't get me wrong, I used to smoke weed but smoking after you just got high isn't going to get you any higher.

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Originally Posted by Never_Enough View Post
I don't care how hot or good the sex is, I would not be in a relationship with that level of crazy. Fuck buddy or something, sure.
I said the same thing. It's hard not to get emotionally involved once they set their hooks in. Much like a siren, it's like a spell or being addicted to a drug, you can't get enough but hate yourself for not being able to walk away.

I know, I know everyone says they would never do that, but I'm a mentally strong guy myself and fell victim to it as well. It's much different when it's actually happening to you instead of a someone you know.

Fuck buddies turn into relationships with these types.

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Originally Posted by ImolaMoop View Post
Once you do it you won’t be able to go back to normal
Yep....very much this. Normal girls bore me now. Part of the reason I don't emotionally involved anymore.
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      09-14-2018, 10:47 AM   #444
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Originally Posted by Not_Judy View Post
Yep, check, check....three days is way too soon mine was about 3 weeks, check and that's fucking crazy!

Mine would invent problems for attention. Some were just way out there! Would call me at all hours of the night when we were dating and would either leave me voicemails singing me love songs (she couldn't sing for shit) or would moan (acting like she was having sex) to get under my skin. Serious substance abuse problems. There was always some form of intoxicant, it went from alcohol to pot to hard drugs back to alcohol back to pot, repeat. Nothing was done in moderation. She would smoke an entire joint and then light another. Don't get me wrong, I used to smoke weed but smoking after you just got high isn't going to get you any higher.



I said the same thing. It's hard not to get emotionally involved once they set their hooks in. Much like a siren, it's like a spell or being addicted to a drug, you can't get enough but hate yourself for not being able to walk away.

I know, I know everyone says they would never do that, but I'm a mentally strong guy myself and fell victim to it as well. It's much different when it's actually happening to you instead of a someone you know.

Fuck buddies turn into relationships with these types.



Yep....very much this. Normal girls bore me now. Part of the reason I don't emotionally involved anymore.
I should add that to her list of non BPD traits- she does not drink, smoke or use any drugs. That and loyal are her two unusual traits for a girl with professionally diagnosed BPD.
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      09-14-2018, 11:19 AM   #445
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Originally Posted by ImolaMoop View Post
Once you do it you wonít be able to go back to normal
There's no such thing as "normal"
I've dated crazies. No thanks.
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      09-14-2018, 11:20 AM   #446
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Originally Posted by Never_Enough View Post
I don't care how hot or good the sex is, I would not be in a relationship with that level of crazy. Fuck buddy or something, sure.
+1

I have enough stress and other shit to deal with and don't need the burden of someone else's mental insanity. There are plenty of very attractive women out there who are not mental basket cases.

Hint: You likely won't find them on dating sites or in bars, which are basically the same women but when they aren't on their computers/phones.
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      09-14-2018, 12:04 PM   #447
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my mom's sister (that makes her my aunt i think?) was diagnosed with BPD and schizophrenia so i know what can happen when they're having an episode, if you guys can put up with that that is some patience i do not have but aspire to have...
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      09-14-2018, 12:13 PM   #448
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Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke View Post
my mom's sister (that makes her my aunt i think?) was diagnosed with BPD and schizophrenia so i know what can happen when they're having an episode, if you guys can put up with that that is some patience i do not have but aspire to have...
It's not really patience. It's also not really something that a person can explain, it's just something you experience. It's like an addiction once the person infests themselves into your life. Consider this, people who are drug addicts once said, "I'll never allow this to happen to me" and it's not as if they woke up one morning and thought to themselves "Today is the day I'm going to ruin my life be becoming addicted to something that will eventually ruin me." It just happens and then you find yourself in the middle of it often acting in a manner that it isn't consistent with who you are.

I've had several friends go through the same thing. It all too easy to say "I'll never do this", "This will never happen to me" or "I wouldn't put up with that." I said the same thing. You never know how you will act or react until you are in that situation yourself.
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      09-14-2018, 12:21 PM   #449
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Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke View Post
my mom's sister (that makes her my aunt i think?) was diagnosed with BPD and schizophrenia so i know what can happen when they're having an episode, if you guys can put up with that that is some patience i do not have but aspire to have...
not an equal comparison, as (hopefully) yer not having sex with your moms sister...
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      09-14-2018, 12:22 PM   #450
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I don't care how good the getting is, no fucking way i put up with that shit. I can't do crazy or drugged or whatever, just zero patience for these people.
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      09-14-2018, 12:29 PM   #451
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Originally Posted by Alfisti View Post
I don't care how good the getting is, no fucking way i put up with that shit. I can't do crazy or drugged or whatever, just zero patience for these people.
As Judy mentioned...

It's not a choice you make. You fall for them. Hard.

When you see it you become kind of "crazy" yourself, doing things or thinking things you never did before.

One can't just say "I choose not to love her anymore so I'll just walk away". It's not a switch.
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      09-14-2018, 12:36 PM   #452
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Originally Posted by SFCM3 View Post
not an equal comparison, as (hopefully) yer not having sex with your moms sister...
true and no i am not having any relations with her don't worry

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Originally Posted by Not_Judy View Post
It's not really patience. It's also not really something that a person can explain, it's just something you experience. It's like an addiction once the person infests themselves into your life. Consider this, people who are drug addicts once said, "I'll never allow this to happen to me" and it's not as if they woke up one morning and thought to themselves "Today is the day I'm going to ruin my life be becoming addicted to something that will eventually ruin me." It just happens and then you find yourself in the middle of it often acting in a manner that it isn't consistent with who you are.

I've had several friends go through the same thing. It all too easy to say "I'll never do this", "This will never happen to me" or "I wouldn't put up with that." I said the same thing. You never know how you will act or react until you are in that situation yourself.

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Originally Posted by OnerDriver View Post
As Judy mentioned...

It's not a choice you make. You fall for them. Hard.

When you see it you become kind of "crazy" yourself, doing things or thinking things you never did before.

One can't just say "I choose not to love her anymore so I'll just walk away". It's not a switch.
hope im not prying too much, but what made you guys realize it's time to "walk away"? how did you rationalize that and act on it?
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      09-14-2018, 12:39 PM   #453
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Originally Posted by OnerDriver View Post
As Judy mentioned...

It's not a choice you make. You fall for them. Hard.

When you see it you become kind of "crazy" yourself, doing things or thinking things you never did before.

One can't just say "I choose not to love her anymore so I'll just walk away". It's not a switch.
Exactly. It actually never changes. You'll always miss the good parts of that person but at some point you have to challenge yourself to break the cycle. It's like dealing with a death of a loved one but worse. Death takes them from you forever. It's worse when you know they are still around and you can't be with the person you love; either by your choice or theirs. It does make it easier once you break the cycle and then see them do the same things to their current victim. That's when reality hits and realize how stupid you were and grow from the experience.

Emotions are for suckas.
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      09-14-2018, 12:41 PM   #454
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Originally Posted by Not_Judy View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnerDriver View Post
As Judy mentioned...

It's not a choice you make. You fall for them. Hard.

When you see it you become kind of "crazy" yourself, doing things or thinking things you never did before.

One can't just say "I choose not to love her anymore so I'll just walk away". It's not a switch.
Exactly. It actually never changes. You'll always miss the good parts of that person but at some point you have to challenge yourself to break the cycle. It's like dealing with a death of a loved one but worse. Death takes them from you forever. It's worse when you know they are still around and you can't be with the person you love; either by your choice or theirs. It does make it easier once you break the cycle and then see them do the same things to their current victim. That's when reality hits and realize how stupid you were and grow from the experience.

Emotions are for suckas.
Very well said. Like death but worse.

I mentioned to a friend it was like no finding the body of a relative you think died. Lack of closure that eats you away. When you are able to see it clearly it makes it easier. But you still think "what if".
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      09-14-2018, 12:53 PM   #455
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Originally Posted by Not_Judy View Post
It's not really patience. It's also not really something that a person can explain, it's just something you experience. It's like an addiction once the person infests themselves into your life. Consider this, people who are drug addicts once said, "I'll never allow this to happen to me" and it's not as if they woke up one morning and thought to themselves "Today is the day I'm going to ruin my life be becoming addicted to something that will eventually ruin me." It just happens and then you find yourself in the middle of it often acting in a manner that it isn't consistent with who you are.

I've had several friends go through the same thing. It all too easy to say "I'll never do this", "This will never happen to me" or "I wouldn't put up with that." I said the same thing. You never know how you will act or react until you are in that situation yourself.
I'd say that is very different though. There's a reason why I can go have a beer with my friend and stop after one but he needs 6 more.
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      09-14-2018, 01:10 PM   #456
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Originally Posted by OnerDriver View Post
As Judy mentioned...

It's not a choice you make. You fall for them. Hard.

When you see it you become kind of "crazy" yourself, doing things or thinking things you never did before.

One can't just say "I choose not to love her anymore so I'll just walk away". It's not a switch.
Sure it is. We all choose to be in the relationships we are in. Yes, it is sometimes difficult to cut the cord or walk away, but ultimately folks make a decision to stay with or leave that person.

Like pretty much everything in life, we have a choice. We've all made the wrong choice on many things in our lives so don't take this as me acting like I'm perfect. I just know that it is, ultimately, a choice no matter how one wants to spin it.

If it's not a choice you're telling me that I broke up with women or they broke up with me b/c of what then? After all, we don't choose to stay with people.
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      09-14-2018, 01:11 PM   #457
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Originally Posted by OnerDriver View Post
Very well said. Like death but worse.

I mentioned to a friend it was like no finding the body of a relative you think died. Lack of closure that eats you away. When you are able to see it clearly it makes it easier. But you still think "what if".
You're exactly right. No closure whatsoever, you just learn to deal with it.

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Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke View Post
true and no i am not having any relations with her don't worry






hope im not prying too much, but what made you guys realize it's time to "walk away"? how did you rationalize that and act on it?
For 7 years it was a cycle, things would be great for 6 months and she would start to grow distant, then she would disappear for about a month and not want to have anything to do with me; citing I was the problem. They always make the victim the problem to justify their behavior.

I came home from work one afternoon, she had stayed the night before, and I noticed my garage door opener was on the table leading into the house from the garage. I called, as she was supposed to be coming over again that evening and got her voicemail. I sent a couple of texts and no reply. I didn't hear back from her for 3 weeks. She called me up wanting to come stay the weekend with me for sex basically, I accepted. She came, we had sex, she left....never saw her again. No communication whatsoever for 2 more weeks until she sent me a text one night saying she was married. Obviously I was upset as I thought this was just another time she would be gone for a few weeks and she would be back, not the case. In the time frame of about a month and a half she got married to her pen-pal from England and was planning on moving there. They had been pen-pals for 10 years and his mother passed, which yielded an undisclosed amount of money so this was the proverbial carrot for her to dump me and jump on board with him.

Sadly, her son was on a missionary trip that lasted for 2 years with very little communication with the parents. She left for England two days before her son came home. For two years she didn't see her son and she couldn't wait a few more days to leave the country so she could see him, if this paints a picture of what kind of person she is. The son and grandmother went to Spain a few months later and met up with her there. It was the first time either of them had met the new husband.

Haven't seen or spoke to her in over 2 years. I had heard she had been "kicked out of the country" and was back in the U.S. minus the new husband. No clue why and honestly don't care. She did contact me via email last month stating that she wanted to apologize. I replied with:

"In order for you to contact me this must mean that things have gone horribly awry with your current situation. You owe me no apology. I am a grown man and made the decision to stay with you knowing who/what you are; I can only hold myself accountable. You were simply being who you are. Whatever your current problem is I hope that you are able to find a favorable outcome, but your solution doesn't lie with me. Good luck."

Haven't heard back from her and don't expect to.

In short she is the one that ended it and I'm glad she did. I was raised in a family that understands that the people that you care for the most are the ones that will hurt you the most. If you love someone you try to work past the problems and move forward. I tried moving forward while she performed the salsa. Old couples that have been together for 60+ years didn't get there by giving up and leaving when the other person jilted them. I truly loved her and did everything I could to make her see this. It didn't matter to her and I was nothing more than just another branch on the tree that she was trying to get to the top of.

I realized where I went wrong and made corrections to my lifestyle, she is still dependent on her looks and her personality to get her through life as she isn't capable of anything else.

Keep in mind this all happened within close proximity of my father committing suicide with no note or explanation. My entire life changed almost overnight with no closure or reasoning.
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      09-14-2018, 01:20 PM   #458
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Never_Enough View Post
Sure it is. We all choose to be in the relationships we are in. Yes, it is sometimes difficult to cut the cord or walk away, but ultimately folks make a decision to stay with or leave that person.

Like pretty much everything in life, we have a choice. We've all made the wrong choice on many things in our lives so don't take this as me acting like I'm perfect. I just know that it is, ultimately, a choice no matter how one wants to spin it.

If it's not a choice you're telling me that I broke up with women or they broke up with me b/c of what then? After all, we don't choose to stay with people.
I'm sorry to hear that you think you have a choice over everything in life. You've obviously never really been in love. Did I make a wrong choice in who I was with, absolutely! At the same time, life isn't black and white and you are not in control of anything. Life is nothing more than random events all happening at once and you are simply a pawn in all of it.

Some decisions will alter your path in life and some things you have control of i.e. what you wear, what you eat, your motor skills. Your emotions and other peoples actions you do not control. Yes, you have the option of shutting people out to prevent them from affecting your life, but that's no life at all.
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      09-14-2018, 01:29 PM   #459
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Originally Posted by Not_Judy View Post
I'm sorry to hear that you think you have a choice over everything in life. You've obviously never really been in love.
Not sure how you got that from my post as it's not remotely close.

Quote:
Did I make a wrong choice in who I was with, absolutely! At the same time, life isn't black and white and you are not in control of anything. Life is nothing more than random events all happening at once and you are simply a pawn in all of it.
We can agree to disagree on not being in control of ANYTHING.

Quote:
Some decisions will alter your path in life and some things you have control of i.e. what you wear, what you eat, your motor skills. Your emotions and other peoples actions you do not control. Yes, you have the option of shutting people out to prevent them from affecting your life, but that's no life at all.
Believe me, I know. I've had quite the fucked up journey myself.
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      09-14-2018, 01:38 PM   #460
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Originally Posted by Never_Enough View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnerDriver View Post
As Judy mentioned...

It's not a choice you make. You fall for them. Hard.

When you see it you become kind of "crazy" yourself, doing things or thinking things you never did before.

One can't just say "I choose not to love her anymore so I'll just walk away". It's not a switch.
Sure it is. We all choose to be in the relationships we are in. Yes, it is sometimes difficult to cut the cord or walk away, but ultimately folks make a decision to stay with or leave that person.

Like pretty much everything in life, we have a choice. We've all made the wrong choice on many things in our lives so don't take this as me acting like I'm perfect. I just know that it is, ultimately, a choice no matter how one wants to spin it.

If it's not a choice you're telling me that I broke up with women or they broke up with me b/c of what then? After all, we don't choose to stay with people.
You're conflating things that aren't equal.
Let's get our terminology straight, because I agree we have choices to our actions.

We're not disagreeing we can walk away, as we all have.

Let me speak metaphorically (I'm not going to go down the path of discussing that if you do not display emotions, you're a psychopath etc.):

I'll pick your mom as she may be the closest human being to you, so your emotions will be more latent towards her.

Say you're walking with her and she falls off a 300ft cliff.

Your first reaction is probably to be scared (what will happen to her? Is she going to be harmed?) and you can't control that.
You may start panting. Or not, that's your choice. You control your actions, not how you feel.

Then you get sad when you see she's dead. You may cry, or not, that's your choice.

Say she is struck by a knife. You will likely be angry at the person who stabs her. You may show your anger, or not... that's your choice.

Say your mom is orgasming from all the pleasure I'm giving her... you'll likely get very happy... you may smile, or not.

Now when you love someone, you don't choose to love them. You may act on getting away from them.

I hope you get the point. Don't get hung up on your mom as example, it's meant as a joke.
You want to smile or laugh. You have a choice.
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      09-14-2018, 01:44 PM   #461
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Originally Posted by OnerDriver View Post
You're conflating things that aren't equal.
Let's get our terminology straight, because I agree we have choices to our actions.

We're not disagreeing we can walk away, as we all have.

Let me speak metaphorically (I'm not going to go down the path of discussing that if you do not display emotions, you're a psychopath etc.):

I'll pick your mom as she may be the closest human being to you, so your emotions will be more latent towards her.

Say you're walking with her and she falls off a 300ft cliff.

Your first reaction is probably to be scared (what will happen to her? Is she going to be harmed?) and you can't control that.
You may start panting. Or not, that's your choice. You control your actions, not how you feel.

Then you get sad when you see she's dead. You may cry, or not, that's your choice.

Say she is struck by a knife. You will likely be angry at the person who stabs her. You may show your anger, or not... that's your choice.

Say your mom is orgasming from all the pleasure I'm giving her... you'll likely get very happy... you may smile, or not.

Now when you love someone, you don't choose to love them. You may act on getting away from them.

I hope you get the point. Don't get hung up on your mom as example, it's meant as a joke.
You want to smile or laugh. You have a choice.
what the fuck happened to this thread im so confused i literally thought i grasped what you guys meant
then you pull this and back to square 1


i read somewhere, yesterday actually:
"Involuntarily love isnít love. Thatís a chemical reaction in your brain - infatuation. Love is a choice you make. Itís voluntarily, because you have control over your love. You love something or someone by investing time, effort, energy, and attention into them. You consider them valuable enough to be worthy of those things from you. You choose to let them in a little deeper than someone you just casually fuck. Youíre still in control. You can just as easily remove them from that coveted place. Itís your choice.

Love is sacrifice. Donít cheapen love by making it out to be something as pedantic as brain juice."

someone replied with this after someone said enjoying a connection is voluntary and love is involuntary - im getting the vibe you guys dont think as this guy does and Never_Enough does? i kinda have to agree with him, the more you invest in them the more shit can go south - i cant say im free of trust issues though so maybe im not the person to talk too much about this...
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      09-14-2018, 01:51 PM   #462
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Originally Posted by Bayerische Motoren Werke View Post
what the fuck happened to this thread im so confused i literally thought i grasped what you guys meant
then you pull this and back to square 1


i read somewhere, yesterday actually:
"Involuntarily love isnít love. Thatís a chemical reaction in your brain - infatuation. Love is a choice you make. Itís voluntarily, because you have control over your love. You love something or someone by investing time, effort, energy, and attention into them. You consider them valuable enough to be worthy of those things from you. You choose to let them in a little deeper than someone you just casually fuck. Youíre still in control. You can just as easily remove them from that coveted place. Itís your choice.

Love is sacrifice. Donít cheapen love by making it out to be something as pedantic as brain juice."

someone replied with this after someone said enjoying a connection is voluntary and love is involuntary - im getting the vibe you guys dont think as this guy does and Never_Enough does? i kinda have to agree with him, the more you invest in them the more shit can go south - i cant say im free of trust issues though so maybe im not the person to talk too much about this...
There's our nutshell.
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