[SSW]

I had very good luck using Match.com to find women to date after my divorce way back in 1998 after 25 years of marriage.

Found 3 long term relationships in that way: 7, 3 and currently 11 years. Adds up to 21 which is how long I've been divorced. Only gave up #2 to stay w/#3.

Don't have any secret tips.

I just chose women who looked "authentic" to me. Read their bios carefully to see if she was actually the kind of person I wanted to meet and might enjoy being with. Usually had a 1st date over coffee where either of us could cut it short and bug out. Could tell in just a few mins if there was any connection or not. Don't recall exactly how many women I met that way but it was at least 10-12. So, a 250-300 batting average isn't bad; it's certainly good enough for pro baseball.

I could have married any of them but the 1st had 3 little kids and the older they got the less it worked for us. The 2nd had a grown kid who was not an issue but it was apparent that we didn't have a close connection, especially after I met #3.

#3 has grown kids of her own and is very independent, which is something I prefer in women. She doesn't "need" me or do I her. We're together because we WANT to be together. No point getting married because of our age and the financial/legal complications that brings, considering her 3 kids/2 grandkids and my 1 kid and 2 grandkids(plus another on the way) and the 2 pieces of RE that she owns and the 1 that I own. We just see each other on weekends or when ever else we care to spend together.

That's about as good as it gets IMO.

As for how to maintain a relationship, I have no secret tips for that either. What I've always tried to do is NOT take the woman for granted, always treat her as an equal with respect and always remember those "special" days -- like when we met, birthday, V-day, Xmas, etc -- when she expects/appreciates a thoughtful (if not expensive gift and/or dinner out).

None of my GFs expected to be showered with gifts and appreciated whatever I did for them, I presume because I made sure NOT to choose any "high maintenance" chicks who wear a lot of makeup, will only dress in expensive clothes and/or are used to being spoiled and fawned over OR "needy" chicks that also need constant attention and affirmation.

That's not the type of woman I like and I've never dated one like that for obvious reasons. My only suggestion to avoid such women at all costs because it can be very difficult and expensive to keep such women happy.

[Dang3r]

Originally Posted by SSW

My only suggestion to avoid such women at all costs because it can be very difficult and expensive to keep such women happy.

You know the phrase "happy wife - happy life"? Just go and hang on for it

[nyalpine90]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

ok im finally between two things which means i have time to explain how i landed in the middle of my first ever threeway!

and no, i was the male involved so upstatedoc sorry to piss in your bonfire but i'm always down for a quick and dirty with the boys

so we were in baltimore for the weekend, we had a conference with about 200-230 other college aged kids, all away from campus. saturday night they took us to a bowling alley, got a pitcher of beer because i'm finally 21 and i love flexing that horizontal ID (and hey, it's beer). this girl asks me where to get some beer, i just said to come with me to our table since it was just the three of us from our school, she does and we start talking.

then the shuttles take us back to the hotel, they had a popcorn bar kinda deal, and me being the alcoholic suggest the 6-7 people i was hanging with to grab drinks at the hotel bar. then someone comes up with the idea of going to an actual bar downtown, so we do that and stay there until close. all is going well, i'm just making friends having a blast etc, it was a vibe

im talking to the beer girl (let's call her megan), and this dude from cali is hitting on megan's roommate (gabby). eventually bar closes and we head back to the hotel in a few ubers, me and megan are looking for more drinks but apparently maryland doesn't sell booze after 2 so the receptionist lady denies us a bottle of wine, but megan remembers she packed some spritzers so up to her room we go.

we're just chilling, and things are getting heated up. eventually gabby comes back up to her room and literally walks in on us and just starts talking to us like we're not clearly naked and under the covers. well turns out her guy wasn't prepared for any night time festivities so she basically returned to her room blue balled, and mine were turning blue really quick too with her in the room so i decide to tell her to leave or join, and...

instead of a slap across the face from either of them (which was the anticipated outcome tbh) she hops on the bed and all in all it was a fun night!

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

ok im finally between two things which means i have time to explain how i landed in the middle of my first ever threeway!

and no, i was the male involved so upstatedoc sorry to piss in your bonfire but i'm always down for a quick and dirty with the boys

so we were in baltimore for the weekend, we had a conference with about 200-230 other college aged kids, all away from campus. saturday night they took us to a bowling alley, got a pitcher of beer because i'm finally 21 and i love flexing that horizontal ID (and hey, it's beer). this girl asks me where to get some beer, i just said to come with me to our table since it was just the three of us from our school, she does and we start talking.

then the shuttles take us back to the hotel, they had a popcorn bar kinda deal, and me being the alcoholic suggest the 6-7 people i was hanging with to grab drinks at the hotel bar. then someone comes up with the idea of going to an actual bar downtown, so we do that and stay there until close. all is going well, i'm just making friends having a blast etc, it was a vibe

im talking to the beer girl (let's call her megan), and this dude from cali is hitting on megan's roommate (gabby). eventually bar closes and we head back to the hotel in a few ubers, me and megan are looking for more drinks but apparently maryland doesn't sell booze after 2 so the receptionist lady denies us a bottle of wine, but megan remembers she packed some spritzers so up to her room we go.

we're just chilling, and things are getting heated up. eventually gabby comes back up to her room and literally walks in on us and just starts talking to us like we're not clearly naked and under the covers. well turns out her guy wasn't prepared for any night time festivities so she basically returned to her room blue balled, and mine were turning blue really quick too with her in the room so i decide to tell her to leave or join, and...

instead of a slap across the face from either of them (which was the anticipated outcome tbh) she hops on the bed and all in all it was a fun night!

Playing World of Warcraft together doesn't count as a threesome.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

Playing World of Warcraft together doesn't count as a threesome.

WoW is so 2003, the cool kids play league of legends now

[Dang3r]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

WoW is so 2003, the cool kids play league of legends now

Really cool kids play only outside...but Im affraid those times are gone.

[DETRoadster]

Originally Posted by Dang3r

Really cool kids play only outside...but Im affraid those times are gone.

But the coolest kids skip the games all together and just have 3-somes. Well done Turkish Pickle , well done.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Dang3r

Really cool kids play only outside...but Im affraid those times are gone.

outside? is that the new DLC pack? heard the Sun graphics pack enhances it too

[someguywithanm3]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

so i decide to tell her to leave or join, and...

instead of a slap across the face from either of them (which was the anticipated outcome tbh) she hops on the bed and all in all it was a fun night!

Beautifully done

[dinonz]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

i decide to tell her to leave or join, and...

instead of a slap across the face from either of them (which was the anticipated outcome tbh) she hops on the bed and all in all it was a fun night!

Respekt!

[Germanauto]

Anybody else on Hinge? I keep matching with girls just my type who don't put any effort into holding a conversation.

For a relationship-oriented app, it still seems like nobody takes it seriously. Disheartening.

[Fritzer]

Besides flirting with a cute girl once in a blue moon, I never really date. I just feel like I have more important things to do. (like contribute on bimmerpost)

But seriously, after hearing all these stories and seeing first hand from my friend's relationships, dating really doesn't seem worth it from a time/money invested against reward standpoint. Maybe I'm just jaded, but I don't need any sort of drama or BS just to get laid every once in a while.

[Fritzer]

Originally Posted by Germanauto

Anybody else on Hinge? I keep matching with girls just my type who don't put any effort into holding a conversation.

For a relationship-oriented app, it still seems like nobody takes it seriously. Disheartening.

Because even unattractive ones get bombarded with messages from thirsty guys.

[Germanauto]

Originally Posted by Fritzer

Because even unattractive ones get bombarded with messages from thirsty guys.

Yeah exactly. There's always another dude they can talk to. Too many options = not taking any one of them seriously.

Not sure if you know how Hinge works, but if somebody sends you a "like" you'll see their profile. You "like" them back and start a convo then no response. It's bizarre.

[Germanauto]

Originally Posted by Fritzer

Besides flirting with a cute girl once in a blue moon, I never really date. I just feel like I have more important things to do. (like contribute on bimmerpost)

But seriously, after hearing all these stories and seeing first hand from my friend's relationships, dating really doesn't seem worth it from a time/money invested against reward standpoint. Maybe I'm just jaded, but I don't need any sort of drama or BS just to get laid every once in a while.

I feel similarly. Unless I meet somebody legit I'm not gonna casually date for the hell of it. My work life has gotten way busier, I moved away from close friends, getting to my late 20s...feeling like it's time to take dating more seriously now.

[Fritzer]

Originally Posted by Germanauto

I feel similarly. Unless I meet somebody legit I'm not gonna casually date for the hell of it. My work life has gotten way busier, I moved away from close friends, getting to my late 20s...feeling like it's time to take dating more seriously now.

For real. I don't think I've ever approached dating as something casual. If I ever date someone it is because I think they are a potential match to have kids with someday. But I'm just a relatively conservative, old-fashioned boomer in their 20s with more interesting things to do then bowing down to some woman for the chance to get some.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Fritzer

Because even unattractive ones get bombarded with messages from thirsty guys.

This, 100%.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Fritzer

For real. I don't think I've ever approached dating as something casual. If I ever date someone it is because I think they are a potential match to have kids with someday. But I'm just a relatively conservative, old-fashioned boomer in their 20s with more interesting things to do then bowing down to some woman for the chance to get some.

A lot of women (and men too) on dating sites are on there with zero intention of actually meeting someone, they are on there for validation. It's the same as posting on facebook, instagram, etc, to see how many likes and followers they get.

[Rmtt]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

This, 100%.

+1.

Screw the online shit.....you never know what you may end up with. Call me old fashioned, but I always liked the public approach.....although I have had more than my fair share of hits on sites not even devoted to dating. Linked In being one of them.

I've met a few good and a few crazies from that site, and neither of us even have a job in common.

But that was years ago. I've been happily married for the last 8 year's, and it wasn't one I even saw coming as she was so much like me. Independent and couldn't be bothered with playing games.....and not looking for a relationship when we fell into it.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Germanauto

Anybody else on Hinge? I keep matching with girls just my type who don't put any effort into holding a conversation.

For a relationship-oriented app, it still seems like nobody takes it seriously. Disheartening.

Some do take it seriously, I met someone through that app and she was pretty decent. She had a dry personality but for someone who is a bit more toned down i'm sure she'll make someone really happy

Originally Posted by Fritzer

For real. I don't think I've ever approached dating as something casual. If I ever date someone it is because I think they are a potential match to have kids with someday. But I'm just a relatively conservative, old-fashioned boomer in their 20s with more interesting things to do then bowing down to some woman for the chance to get some.

i feel like it goes both ways, i'd even argue you should be a man-whore (me) early on to actually figure out women. it sounds bizarre, but the more time you spend around them the more you realize they actually are on a different frequency than we are. so looking back i do like the whole hoeing around vibe, but i'd also not pass on a relationship either. i'm currently just swamped with work and school and life as a whole so it'd be nice.

but recently talking with a buddy we realized we're looking for a guy as a girlfriend. guys don't excite me that way, but at least looking on this campus we're really not going to "find" a girl that we would enjoy spending time with...

then again, i haven't really had a "dating" thing in a while, more of a "i think youre hot and i can put up with you so lets hang out and bang every now and then".

[dinonz]

Guys - I need your thoughts.

I've recently started seeing someone, and she seems really smitten really soon. I'm still seeing where it goes, but she's getting very attached. Not that I think she's a gold-digger, but she knows I'm building a house and have an M3 and a Ferrari.

She's a teacher, has an unused passport, 2 teen boys, and lives a nice sensible comfortable life. I don't know her financials, but I believe she lives sensibly but still paycheck to paycheck, I'm about to become comfortable - very comfortable. 8 figure comfortable. I have at least 4 international trips planned for next year alone (sorry - 3 - I still consider Hawaii as international!) and that leaves me with 2 problems:

1. She's a teacher, and it's hard for her to get away. I cannot plan but 1 of the trips (a wedding, and 2 birthdays cannot be changed by me) around her schedule.
2. She cannot afford to go on any of these trips.

#2 is less of an issue - I am old fashioned and not against paying to take someone provided she's not a gold digger, but #1 might mean she can't go on any of my trips which makes for a sad partnership in my view. Or am I being an ass?

I'm far from the "hey - don't work - just come live with me and we can travel at will" stage, but I worry that we're heading for troubled grounds.

I dunno. I've had a couple of wines and don't know what to think.

[Kelse92]

Originally Posted by dinonz

Guys - I need your thoughts.

I've recently started seeing someone, and she seems really smitten really soon. I'm still seeing where it goes, but she's getting very attached. Not that I think she's a gold-digger, but she knows I'm building a house and have an M3 and a Ferrari.

She's a teacher, has an unused passport, 2 teen boys, and lives a nice sensible comfortable life. I don't know her financials, but I believe she lives sensibly but still paycheck to paycheck, I'm about to become comfortable - very comfortable. 8 figure comfortable. I have at least 4 international trips planned for next year alone (sorry - 3 - I still consider Hawaii as international!) and that leaves me with 2 problems:

1. She's a teacher, and it's hard for her to get away. I cannot plan but 1 of the trips (a wedding, and 2 birthdays cannot be changed by me) around her schedule.
2. She cannot afford to go on any of these trips.

#2 is less of an issue - I am old fashioned and not against paying to take someone provided she's not a gold digger, but #1 might mean she can't go on any of my trips which makes for a sad partnership in my view. Or am I being an ass?

I'm far from the "hey - don't work - just come live with me and we can travel at will" stage, but I worry that we're heading for troubled grounds.

I dunno. I've had a couple of wines and don't know what to think.

There's three months out of the year you guys have available to travel if she's a teacher, you are making it a bit harder to coordinate than it needs to be. It's just looking rough right now cause school just started. So I wouldn't be concerned about number 1.
I think problem 2 isn't so much of an issue as your whole second paragraph is. If you're already concerned about red-flags of a potential financial inequality you need to think more about that than anything and how its a total double-edged sword. If you are OK with supporting her and her kids some, which it sounds like you may end up there, you have to make sure you're not going to resent her later on for that.
On the flip side, if you found a woman equally or more financially set than you are would it intimidate you?? If that's a more scary proposition, this current scenario might make you better off. But if you're already questioning it, I would say trust your gut.