03-17-2022, 07:55 PM | #12233 | |
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It just sounded like he accepted that as is and it doesn't strike me as being something easy to accept, hence my curiosity. There's gotta be a "fuuuuuuuuuuuuck" moment. |
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03-17-2022, 08:33 PM | #12234 | ||
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There isn't anything inherently wrong with his ex - he has a vision of his perfect partner and she didn't check off all the boxes. In other words, he's not a hopeless romantic and assume all endings are like Hollywood movies. The man chose comfort and lifestyle accustomed to vs the love of my life. In a nutshell, love isn't his top priority. Success is and accomplishing his goals. The part where he gets kudos is he's willing to view things in other perspectives and in my opinion? Only healthy people can wish the other partner happiness and success. He even said he hopes she finds somebody wonderful. Doesn't mean he ain't a good person - they just weren't the right fit. Coming to that realization and doing something healthy about it doesn't make you a terrible person. Sure, to her maybe but that too shall pass and if she's in a healthy mindset, eventually she'll appreciate that he didn't waste her time. Well, sometimes they come to that realization lol. Point is, Pickle. There isn't a one stop shop for this kind of thing. What works for him and what made him realize isn't going to be the same for everybody. The shit that comes out of my mouth for example? If and when my friends try it, it's usually followed with a slap or hostility. Everyone's different. Truth be told, I agree with him. Not the business aspect approach to relationships, the cutting someone out because you know that YOU aren't good for them. Trickier is cutting people out that aren't good for you, but I get the feeling he doesn't play that game either. To some, his approach might be cold and calculating but news flash, there's plenty of successful women out there that operate the same way. |
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03-18-2022, 12:55 AM | #12235 | |
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Find the person you enjoy being with for who and what they are, not for the material things that could come from a relationship. That does not bring happiness. |
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03-18-2022, 06:56 AM | #12236 | |
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It's a long story, and I'm not really one to share too much on an open forum like this, but I knew it right away and I never will be able to fully accept it. it's torturous at times, which is why I tell people if you meet your 'one' DO NOT fuck it up because you probably won't get a second chance. |
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03-18-2022, 08:30 AM | #12237 |
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29 isn't too old to have kids but if you plan on having kids, by 29 you need to be seriously exploring the option/looking for right partner. By the time you find someone, give it some time, get hitched etc it'll be 3 years, now you're 32....... that's as late as i'd leave the first.
35 sounds young but have your second at 38, by the time that kid is 12 you're fucking 50. 50. that's old. |
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03-18-2022, 09:36 AM | #12238 |
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LOL @ all these people claiming you have to be X years old to have kids or you might as well not do it.
Sure, it would be ideal, but at 31 years old I'd rather get married to an amazing woman at 40 and adopt kids if having my own isn't possible than go through what some of my already divorced with 2 kids friends are going through right now. Finding the right person is much more important than having kids by a certain age.
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03-18-2022, 09:46 AM | #12239 | |
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Look, I can probably squeeze in a couple more adoptions before I'm tapped out with holidays and crap I'd have to spend with said "parents" during holidays to stay in the will. Point is, don't worry about the kids part - I'll hand out some adoption papers shortly. It may not seem like it now, but lemme tell you, it could be a hell of a lot worse. |
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03-18-2022, 09:53 AM | #12240 | |
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You guys are a bunch of a fucking sewing circle women putting words into people's mouths. There's context t the discussion. |
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03-18-2022, 10:41 AM | #12241 |
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Yeah I didnt read it as 29 is the age. More "you need to make a decision." You might decide, "Yeah, I want kids, but not right now" But make the decision if you are dealing with a girl who wants kids.
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03-18-2022, 11:40 AM | #12242 |
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Time just gets away from you is all i am saying. 29 you're thinking, I'm only 29, but realistically, you are nudging 35 by the time you have your second one. The process takes time, as we all agree one doesn't want to make a mistake. So find the right girl, date, sort out inevitable issues, propose, find a home, wedding, honeymoon etc.... that'll take 3 years and this assumes you conceive without issue and the older the woman the harder it is to conceive.
Kids are tough in a two income household, it is a lot of work, it is exhausting, you're likely to gain weight, your job will demand more from you as you're now in your mid 30's etc. You get less patient as you age too, and kids need a lot of patience. |
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03-18-2022, 12:15 PM | #12243 |
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All hail the shining beacon of patience ITT....
Nah, but really, you are going to lose your ever loving mind with your kids. A lot. They know exactly which buttons to press, and what's really fun, is they know of buttons that you didn't even know were there until they stomp on it. Those are the absolute best ones, because then both parties are surprised with the outcome. |
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03-18-2022, 12:18 PM | #12244 |
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I literally just lost it on them as they are home for march break. I am trying to work and do 10 other things at once and for the umpteenth time today they are loudly bickering over nothing.
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03-18-2022, 12:29 PM | #12245 | |
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Specifically, they'll be sitting on the couch downstairs, peacefully watching a show or playing, all is beautifully calm, we'll tell them we are taking an important call upstairs so NO FIGHTING, and NO loud noises. Vehement agreement on their end that yes, absolutely, they fully understand and will be quiet as mice and will under no circumstances do anything to interrupt the call. The poor individual currently tasked with watching them creeps upstairs to take the call, thinking that this time will be different. Inevitably, 2 minutes into the call, EVERY SINGLE TIME, Mt. Vesuvius erupts downstairs and you can hardly hear yourself on the call anymore. Finish the call, go downstairs, lose your mind at them, rinse and repeat. |
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03-18-2022, 01:04 PM | #12246 |
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It's the relentlessness of it, if they are not staring at a screen they are bickering over the most pointless shit. Happens dozens of times a day and by 2pm i'm gonna choke em. We have had them home fo r2 years too so that hasn't helped, went back to school Feb 22nd so it's only been a few weeks then back on top of us again.
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03-18-2022, 01:19 PM | #12247 | ||
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@ having kids at 29; that was a "im fucked lol" out of "im 24 and i barely can take care of my own self, 29 is 5 years away". i do want to have a kid and a family one day, but not today or anywhere near today. thank you for those who clarified it to being conscious of what you want. |
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03-20-2022, 11:03 AM | #12248 | |
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I'm currently on the couch fried as a tomato and I haven't logged on here in a while. Figured I'd say hi to everyone. Hope all of you are doing well Last edited by Sara; 03-27-2022 at 08:38 AM.. |
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03-21-2022, 04:42 AM | #12249 | |
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03-24-2022, 09:38 AM | #12254 | |
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Not saying you used to go for douchbags, but as I get older I hear more and more gals say the same thing you said. Speaking of smothering, the gf has been super clingy since I got home from overseas. I get it, I was gone for a year, but wholy shit I don't need to you follow along when I'm just running the the gas station to fuel up so I don't have to in the AM before work. And I cant sit on the couch without her needing to be touching me or damn near laying on me. Couples problems lol. I know in time the clingyness will fade and be back to "normal", I just like my space.
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