12-15-2020, 09:58 PM | #6975 | |
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King Rudi it sounds like she has some buried shit she's never dealt with and the stress you mentioned has possibly exacerbated it. Also, it's not of any help that she can't recognize and own it. You can't make anyone happy until they deal with whatever they are wrestling with inside. I think at this point it sounds like you have to decide whether or not you want to continue to ride that train. The one thing you shouldn't do is concede to her inability to own her shit. Her actions will continue and you will just end up on a hamster wheel of fights that are truly a waste of time. |
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12-15-2020, 11:34 PM | #6976 | |
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Thanks to all my mental health issues, I have such a bad memory that many chunks of my past are gone and if my wife has done anything really that bad I have no recollection of it. I'm sure she appreciates this. ![]() |
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12-16-2020, 06:28 AM | #6977 |
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I am an asshole.
![]() Seriously though, I hope things get better. ![]() |
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12-16-2020, 06:29 AM | #6978 |
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12-16-2020, 06:51 AM | #6979 | |
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I'm betting it's not "nothing" to her. |
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12-16-2020, 08:25 AM | #6980 | ||||||
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As for the acceptance of and primary blame of "the shit", this is the battle that we have been fighting. She was displaying no signs of empathy. She was upset about how she feels, but couldn't see mine. This was a struggle. I feel like I finally succeeded here as she gave me a genuine, heart-felt apology last night. Progression was made. Thank you for the advice! Quote:
I think that working on, whatever she has suppressed, together will create more trust between the two of us and allow her to become more open/vulnerable. If this doesn't change, regardless of anything else that are positives in our relationship, I'll have to walk away. I'm a catch, not a convenience. I'm also not conceited, I just know my value/worth. Thank you Rebekah. ![]() Quote:
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Thank you good sir. She admitted to how stupid the entire situation was. What made her upset, aside from whatever insecurity that she has suppressed (if we're being real here), was my reaction to her not being forthcoming with information that could be detrimental to our relationship. That was, in fact, something to her. In her defense, she isn't wrong. I'm a scorpio and we aren't known for being easy people to deal with, once we feel like we've been slighted. She is justified in her feelings based off how I reacted, yet; my reaction was completely justified based off her withholding of information......or so I feel. In closing, thank you to all for replying. I greatly appreciate it. As of last night, make up sex has ensued.....and not that vanilla shit either. We have reached an acceptable outlet to vent frustrations that is mutually agreed upon by both parties.
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12-16-2020, 08:49 AM | #6981 |
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Used to work at a BMW dealer and every Friday we (me, mechanics & service advisors) would hit this strip club for happy hour. I fell for a shot girl and we started hanging out. My friend & a few techs were going to the Bahamas for a trip and she was super interested in details b/c she had never been out of the US. I offered to loan her the money as it was a week away. We went and she ended up snorting lines all weekend with one of the other girls and I never even got to touch her tiddies. I never asked for my money nor called her again. Good: Just got out of a 4 yr relationship and had to travel to Vegas for a BMW conference. My first trip to Vegas and I was mentally a wreck. A friend told me the hot clubs but I had no desire to go out. As we landed (at night) I immediately got wood seeing all the lights and glitz, instantly forgetting about my ex. We checked in to the Venettian, changed and immediately hit the strip. Rolled into Rum Jungle about midnight and after 6 Long Islands started chatting with some girl. got her number and asked her to dinner the next night and the night after. We stayed at Studio 54 until 3am and she hopped a flight at 5am home. We talked for a month and I had to see her again. We met again in Miami for a vacation and months later she moved to NJ with me. We got married in 2007 and have been together 16yrs (left a lot out b/c no one reads long stories) |
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12-16-2020, 09:00 AM | #6982 | |
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12-16-2020, 09:36 AM | #6983 |
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12-16-2020, 09:38 AM | #6984 | |
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You're both adults, communication makes or breaks relationships with me. If I have an argument with someone and ask them what is wrong and they repeatedly say "nothing" they are either unsure of their own feelings, or they are hiding something, both are bad. Communicate what's bothering you, that's what adults do. If your past is an issue for her, she needs to communicate that. She may never be able to accept it, and unfortunately that will be the end of your relationship. Rightfully so, because you don't want to be with someone who will constantly hold something over your head that you can't change the entire time you are together, it will never improve if they do so. There's always the stereotype that women don't communicate their thoughts and men struggle to understand what they are thinking, but it's not true for everyone. Not all people are crazy, and many times men do the same thing. You have reached a breaking point in your relationship. You either need to fix it or move on. If she wants to keep you, she needs to overcome her feelings toward your past and accept you. Otherwise, it's time to move on. Relationships have challenges, but life is too short to be unhappy if that ends up really being the case. The first step to fixing anything is acknowledging there is a problem, if she keeps denying anything is wrong, you won't get anywhere no matter what you try. |
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12-16-2020, 09:46 AM | #6985 | |
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12-16-2020, 09:49 AM | #6986 | |
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And I'm glad that you got a heartfelt apology, because those are rare and priceless. A real apology is tough to pull off, and most people suck at them. They'll be doing great for about 10 seconds and then blow the whole thing by uttering the word "but" and then proceed to tell you why they're really not sorry, and that your car looks better with that big dent in the hood.
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12-16-2020, 09:55 AM | #6987 | |
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12-16-2020, 09:56 AM | #6988 | |
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12-16-2020, 11:16 AM | #6989 | |
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You and I sound similar in the fact that we are logical through the arguments. Error number 1, logical thinking in an argument is hand and hand with belittlement - from what I've come to understand. I've come to just listen, and even when I know I can throw it back in her face I don't. It's like walking a tight rope, but at the other end she is holding it and you can't turn around. Eventually you'll get to her, but she has the option to shake you up along the way. Hence my original comment. |
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12-16-2020, 11:40 AM | #6990 | |
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I've been giving advice all through this thread. It's nice to be able to get some quality feedback in return. Thanks to all of you. |
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12-16-2020, 12:11 PM | #6991 | ||
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How badly do you want to fuck up your life?
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12-16-2020, 04:29 PM | #6993 | |
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I think you should know what happened to me yesterday before your request is processed.
I go to old people walks. As in, my friends and I go walk our dogs together. Sadly we all have spouses and kids, so the only time we have to do it is around 4 or 5 am. They all know me, so there hasn't been a ton of takers this week to go with me. Apparently covid is a valid excuse to avoid me too! You see, this is budget week. I've gone through all receipts, counted every penny, calculated expenses and I blew a fuse or two when I realized our electricity bill and water bill have gone up like 25% each this year. Sounds horrible but this house is heated with electricity and with water combined they were less than 3k. Grocery bills went down a ton, entertainment bills even more. So there I was, at 4.30 am steaming over our absolutely overblown water bill for the year wasteful living and then I congratulated myself for cutting costs on some areas at least. "Entertainment you say? So pornhub did the free coverage in finland too?" There i was, on a potato field waiting for our dogs to shit while ranting about how bad my annual charts are looking and I got made fun of by the only person who still talks to me during my financial crisis week of the year. In about 20 minutes I had like 20 awesome comebacks ready, sadly in the moment, all I did was wallow on self pity cuz I had already spent money on his Christmas gift. I'm really bad with people
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12-17-2020, 02:44 AM | #6994 | |
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12-17-2020, 06:36 AM | #6995 | |
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12-17-2020, 10:08 AM | #6996 | |
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example: Me: Master, why is it that so many ladies seem interested, yet none will commit? You: I dropped a hammer on my foot today and a bird shat on my head. Go young grasshopper, I grow weary of your bullshit now. ![]() |
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