[zx10guy]

Been reading along with the responses in this thread. I'm in a pretty unique situation where I'm in my 50s with a very young daughter; ie isn't quite a pre-teen yet. I've never discussed what I have in terms of my overall net worth. I have talked to her a number of times about how lucky she is to have the things she has because there are many kids that don't even have a fraction of what she has. But I think she has a sense of where she fits in in terms of where she is in the social economic scale with me and her mother (if it's not obvious by now....I'm divorced.) There was a comment about how it is obvious how parents are doing because of the things they have purchased recently. I would say that's not the case all the time and would say many times it's just people YOLOing and in debt up to their eyeballs. I think people and kids pick up on how well the family is doing by if there are any issues with providing the needs and wants. Outwardly, yes, the things I possess that people can shows that I'm doing pretty well....more so because everything is paid for except the two homes with just primary mortgages.

Anyways, I was taken a back a couple of months ago when my daughter asked if I passed if all the money I have would go to her. I can't think but that thought was a result of the ex wife. Things have been getting difficult again with my daughter of which much of it has been due to the ex wife sharing and talking about things that she has no business sharing with our daughter. All along I've been working towards ensuring I have plenty saved up to live well in retirement and to also have a substantial legacy to leave to my daughter. I know she's still young, but with how things have been deteriorating with my relationship with her with what seems to be little help from the ex in fixing things, I'm re-evaluating what I'm going to do with any inheritance. Thoughts have crossed my mind to spend every last penny of the money, leave it all to my niece, or donate it all to charity.

[M3Sleeper]

Originally Posted by gtr2M3

Wife and I are in our 50s and debating on if we should tell our kids about our net worth and ultimately talking about our wills

I’ve heard many stories where kids turn into waiters(waiting for their parents to die) and although I don’t believe that ours would do that, I’ve heard and seen far too many kids turn into less than ideal people once they find out about what might be coming their way one day

What’re your thoughts and experiences in these matters?

Lets be honest your kids already have a good idea of your success and eventually they will find out.

I have the same thoughts with my kids. They know we are successful by seeing our businesses and lots of commercial buildings. However I don't want them to be demotivated if they know how many M's are laying around.

I would teach them about the family business, finances, ect but no need to share the numbers. Go over details like plans, ect but keep the M's a secret.

Opened discussions about money and family goals are a good topic..just no retirement account balances or they could live at home for longer than you anticipated.

[Mech Spec]

Originally Posted by zx10guy

Been reading along with the responses in this thread. I'm in a pretty unique situation where I'm in my 50s with a very young daughter; ie isn't quite a pre-teen yet. I've never discussed what I have in terms of my overall net worth. I have talked to her a number of times about how lucky she is to have the things she has because there are many kids that don't even have a fraction of what she has. But I think she has a sense of where she fits in in terms of where she is in the social economic scale with me and her mother (if it's not obvious by now....I'm divorced.) There was a comment about how it is obvious how parents are doing because of the things they have purchased recently. I would say that's not the case all the time and would say many times it's just people YOLOing and in debt up to their eyeballs. I think people and kids pick up on how well the family is doing by if there are any issues with providing the needs and wants. Outwardly, yes, the things I possess that people can shows that I'm doing pretty well....more so because everything is paid for except the two homes with just primary mortgages.

Anyways, I was taken a back a couple of months ago when my daughter asked if I passed if all the money I have would go to her. I can't think but that thought was a result of the ex wife. Things have been getting difficult again with my daughter of which much of it has been due to the ex wife sharing and talking about things that she has no business sharing with our daughter. All along I've been working towards ensuring I have plenty saved up to live well in retirement and to also have a substantial legacy to leave to my daughter. I know she's still young, but with how things have been deteriorating with my relationship with her with what seems to be little help from the ex in fixing things, I'm re-evaluating what I'm going to do with any inheritance. Thoughts have crossed my mind to spend every last penny of the money, leave it all to my niece, or donate it all to charity.

I have a good friend/former colleague who is in a similar situation. Ex-wife basically hid that she was intending to never work again and just go out and party until after 3 kids were born. Now she acts as a severe bad influence on her (now adult) daughters while continuing to not work and living off my friend's support. He has voiced the same thoughts you have in setting his priorities to attempt to set up his daughters well while he is around but not keeping anything significant extra after that.

Sorry to hear you are in that situation, it's a rough one.

[M3Sleeper]

Originally Posted by zx10guy

Been reading along with the responses in this thread. I'm in a pretty unique situation where I'm in my 50s with a very young daughter; ie isn't quite a pre-teen yet. I've never discussed what I have in terms of my overall net worth. I have talked to her a number of times about how lucky she is to have the things she has because there are many kids that don't even have a fraction of what she has. But I think she has a sense of where she fits in in terms of where she is in the social economic scale with me and her mother (if it's not obvious by now....I'm divorced.) There was a comment about how it is obvious how parents are doing because of the things they have purchased recently. I would say that's not the case all the time and would say many times it's just people YOLOing and in debt up to their eyeballs. I think people and kids pick up on how well the family is doing by if there are any issues with providing the needs and wants. Outwardly, yes, the things I possess that people can shows that I'm doing pretty well....more so because everything is paid for except the two homes with just primary mortgages.

Anyways, I was taken a back a couple of months ago when my daughter asked if I passed if all the money I have would go to her. I can't think but that thought was a result of the ex wife. Things have been getting difficult again with my daughter of which much of it has been due to the ex wife sharing and talking about things that she has no business sharing with our daughter. All along I've been working towards ensuring I have plenty saved up to live well in retirement and to also have a substantial legacy to leave to my daughter. I know she's still young, but with how things have been deteriorating with my relationship with her with what seems to be little help from the ex in fixing things, I'm re-evaluating what I'm going to do with any inheritance. Thoughts have crossed my mind to spend every last penny of the money, leave it all to my niece, or donate it all to charity.

If I could throw some advice your way my man I was and have been in a similar situation but I am married and my wife and I are together raising our kids. My daughter is slightly older than yours...don't worry man it will get better and she will come around.

Girls around the age of 8-12 change a lot and they can grow more distant as they look to "find their way" but I can assure you SHE will come back around and its well worth planning for YOUR future with her.

Don't let your X wife be the reason you are not close with your girl....nothing is more important than her and we both know that.

My daughter just turned 12..she has really started to come around more the past 6 months and we are much closer now.

My son 14 we are very close we ride dirtbikes, fish, shifter carts, and car shows together. Its different with my son for sure.

[XutvJet]

I'm 51, wife 50, daughter almost 17, and son almost 21. I think disclosing financial matters is dependent on the age of the children and their demonstrated responsibility, especially regarding expectations and how they view money and wants. We're lucky. Our kids are freaking responsible. My son begged me to help him setup a Roth IRA last year which we did. My son has worked since he turned 16 and is currently a TA in college. Our daughter is a rock star volleyball player and that sport consumes a vast majority of her free time outside of her time spent being student and enjoying downtime. She cleans my 80 y/o mother's home, volunteers for a cat adoption program, and also volunteers as a VB coach for young girls and the boys high school VB team. My daughter worked her tail off to land a full ride to play D1 volleyball.

I'm an only child with an ailing 80 y/o mother and my mother-in-law is on her deathbed. My dad and father-in-law are passed. We have very limited extended family.

With that said, this year we figured it was time to give our kids a full view of our portfolio in the rare event my wife and I were to pass unexpectedly. Our kids were blown away by our portfolio value and learning that we own everything, including our house and cars. My daughter has routinely told us about how nice of homes her friends and VB teammates live in and that ours is pretty rough in comparison. Plus her friends live a different life style than her where they pretty much get everything they want. We had often told her there's a reason for why do the things we do and now she gets it.

They know my plan is to retire within 2 or so years. They also know my stated goal of trying to preserve some of our money for them when we pass. We've also made it VERY clear that nothing is for certain and that the money might not be there so they should continue to succeed just the way they have and if they get money from us, then that's gravy. My wife and I also plan to give them each a healthy amount to buy their first home when that time is right - the kids don't know that.

[jaffles]

Originally Posted by zx10guy

Been reading along with the responses in this thread. I'm in a pretty unique situation where I'm in my 50s with a very young daughter; ie isn't quite a pre-teen yet. I've never discussed what I have in terms of my overall net worth. I have talked to her a number of times about how lucky she is to have the things she has because there are many kids that don't even have a fraction of what she has. But I think she has a sense of where she fits in in terms of where she is in the social economic scale with me and her mother (if it's not obvious by now....I'm divorced.) There was a comment about how it is obvious how parents are doing because of the things they have purchased recently. I would say that's not the case all the time and would say many times it's just people YOLOing and in debt up to their eyeballs. I think people and kids pick up on how well the family is doing by if there are any issues with providing the needs and wants. Outwardly, yes, the things I possess that people can shows that I'm doing pretty well....more so because everything is paid for except the two homes with just primary mortgages.

Anyways, I was taken a back a couple of months ago when my daughter asked if I passed if all the money I have would go to her. I can't think but that thought was a result of the ex wife. Things have been getting difficult again with my daughter of which much of it has been due to the ex wife sharing and talking about things that she has no business sharing with our daughter. All along I've been working towards ensuring I have plenty saved up to live well in retirement and to also have a substantial legacy to leave to my daughter. I know she's still young, but with how things have been deteriorating with my relationship with her with what seems to be little help from the ex in fixing things, I'm re-evaluating what I'm going to do with any inheritance. Thoughts have crossed my mind to spend every last penny of the money, leave it all to my niece, or donate it all to charity.

I would say girls NEED their dad more than they will ever say. You are the foundation of how she will understand and base relationships with males for the rest of her life. And like it or not the first few boyfriends will be her interpretation of you. Stay loving, predictable, honest, and available.

I have not been divorced but I have not seen a child of a separation stay even keeled either. Their world has moved in a way they don't want and struggle to understand and accept it; doesn't mean its forever though. The mother can say what she wants however your daughter will figure it out in your favor if you stay the same dad she has always known. Don't be afraid to be venerable as honesty reveals the heat but allows another to be venerable also creating a connection worth more than gold. In time the better she gets to know you the better it all will be and you may even help her figure how to not make the same mistake. Keep negative comets about the ex until they are well into later teens, and even then to a minimum. In the mean time grow a big fat trust for her, go on holidays together, and enjoy the time. It goes so so fast. But as others have said 11 - 14 is tuff for girls. There hormones are running wild and most of their friends are bitches as they all try and figure how the fit in the world and who they are.

sorry if you feel I am telling you how to suck eggs, not my intention at all.

[jaffles]

Originally Posted by XutvJet

I'm 51, wife 50, daughter almost 17, and son almost 21. I think disclosing financial matters is dependent on the age of the children and their demonstrated responsibility, especially regarding expectations and how they view money and wants. We're lucky. Our kids are freaking responsible. My son begged me to help him setup a Roth IRA last year which we did. My son has worked since he turned 16 and is currently a TA in college. Our daughter is a rock star volleyball player and that sport consumes a vast majority of her free time outside of her time spent being student and enjoying downtime. She cleans my 80 y/o mother's home, volunteers for a cat adoption program, and also volunteers as a VB coach for young girls and the boys high school VB team. My daughter worked her tail off to land a full ride to play D1 volleyball.

I'm an only child with an ailing 80 y/o mother and my mother-in-law is on her deathbed. My dad and father-in-law are passed. We have very limited extended family.

With that said, this year we figured it was time to give our kids a full view of our portfolio in the rare event my wife and I were to pass unexpectedly. Our kids were blown away by our portfolio value and learning that we own everything, including our house and cars. My daughter has routinely told us about how nice of homes her friends and VB teammates live in and that ours is pretty rough in comparison. Plus her friends live a different life style than her where they pretty much get everything they want. We had often told her there's a reason for why do the things we do and now she gets it.

They know my plan is to retire within 2 or so years. They also know my stated goal of trying to preserve some of our money for them when we pass. We've also made it VERY clear that nothing is for certain and that the money might not be there so they should continue to succeed just the way they have and if they get money from us, then that's gravy. My wife and I also plan to give them each a healthy amount to buy their first home when that time is right - the kids don't know that.

I love it and congratulations. I think you have done very very well. Busy kids with mates in teams, earning, and juggling time is such a great foundation for them to figure all sorts of boundaries, expectations, and responsibilities. Its no accident your kids are responsible. Parenting is not easy but not that hard either, just takes commitment. Good on you

[DrVenture]

Only you know your children's nature. I was not worried about mine, and that has proven a safe bet now that he is older. He is mature and driven.

I would add this though, it may never leave their heads. and that might be unsettling. I was told at an early age that I was in line for an inheritance from a great aunt, who was wealthy and had no children. Very difficult to keep that from influencing one's thinking. By the time she passed, I was as well off as she was, and there were 6 people to split the estate. So it was nice, but not a big deal. Not life changing.

[XutvJet]

Originally Posted by DrVenture

I would add this though, it may never leave their heads. and that might be unsettling. I was told at an early age that I was in line for an inheritance from a great aunt, who was wealthy and had no children. Very difficult to keep that from influencing one's thinking. By the time she passed, I was as well off as she was, and there were 6 people to split the estate. So it was nice, but not a big deal. Not life changing.

I can somewhat relate to this. My father passed when I was 39 and his mother (my grand mother) passed within a few weeks. I knew she was fairly well off but my mom, dad, and I had no real idea of what her net worth was. Her will was written that my father and his sister would split 70% of the estate (the other 30% going to other family members, friends, and charity). If my father wasn't alive, it was written that his cut would to go to me and not my mother. My mother and I were not aware of this and my father certainly would have not approved of it as he would have wanted it to go to my mother. However, my mom was already in great financial shape plus she got a cut of that other 30%. She had no issues with me getting 35% of the estate and thought it was great. My aunt, who was a super cool person, was IRRATE about this as she thought she should get it all if my dad wasn't around. Sadly it drove a wedge between her, my mom, and me and we no longer speak to her. She also had little remorse for the death of her mom. Money can bring out the devil in people.

The inherited amount was substantial, at least for me and my wife. So many thoughts went through my head about what we could buy, but I quickly came back to reality because I didn't want to be that guy that squandered his inheritance buying silly crap. I was also is decent financial shape and had recently taken a job with a 30% raise. My dad's father (my grandfather) was an exceptional investor so I wanted to continue his legacy. So I concocted a plan to fire my financial advisor, teach myself how manage my own investments, grow that money so that I could do the same for my family, and teach my wife and kids how to invest and manage their portfolios.

I can totally see how knowing that you'll be getting a substantial amount of money can influence one's thinking. My sister-in-law is definitely that person right now. My mother-in-law is in bad shape and will likely pass in a few months. Their step-father is in alright shape, but I could see him going down a bad path after her death. My sister-in-law has never held a full time job, lived much of her life like a gypsy, milked various welfare programs because she didn't have health insurance, got her mom/step dad to pay for all sorts of schooling and certs she never applied to obtain a real job, etc. She was supposed to pay them back for all sorts of stuff and it never happened...ONCE. She just moves around to fun and exotic places living a fun, single life at 47 y/o. She's been that way since graduating college decades ago. Now she's just waiting for that money. My wife is the executor of the will, but has no idea about the assets because they are ultra secretive about it. Maybe that was by design because of my sister-in-law as I think they figured her out about 10 years ago.

[OC40]

Not specific to kids (we don’t have any), but we don’t speak about our finances with our families. We have been asked, but just change the subject.

[gtr2M3]

We’ve decided to wait another 10 years or so before telling the kids. We’re in good health and with age comes wisdom(in the kids who are 28 & 31)
They’re responsible and things are going well for them

Now some friends of ours who are around 65 gifted some inheritance to 3 of their 5 kids. $350k each

The 2 kids who didn’t get any are operating the family farm, they’re happy. 2 of the 3 kids who received $350k are happy. The 3rd however figures he deserves much more…. The kids who received the 350k do not work the farm nor do they ever intend to, hence them getting the 350

Can you imagine being 30, receiving $350k and saying, “that’s not enough, I need more”…. I swear some people need some common sense bitch slapped into them

[Reborn_]

Funny timing, as I'm working to set up a trust right now.

My kids are very young, so they don't need to know anything yet. When they're in jr. high and high school, I will teach them about finances. When they're picking careers, I'll help them navigate happiness in what you do and the reality of lifestyle/money required for desired lifestyle. When they're in early 20's building those careers, as long as they aren't total shitheads, we'll start getting into the details. Should be worth noting that when my youngest is in his early 20s, I'll be in my early 60s.

[floridaorange]

No drugs, no alcohol, no cigarettes otherwise no inheritance.

[Watching The World Burn]

Originally Posted by floridaorange

No drugs, no alcohol, no cigarettes otherwise no inheritance.

No alcohol?

I can't make that demand of the kids, but no drugs for sure. I'd be disappointed if they smoked cigarettes, but I have a cigar once a week or so in the summer and wouldn't care if they did that. My season only lasts maybe 4 months though where I can have a cigar - after that it is a bit chilly to be sitting outside so that ends things till the following summer.

I don't know that I'd tell my kids too much, but I probably would look into giving them an early inheritance of some level when they are looking to buy a home just so they can put down a downpayment.

That said, then I guess you may need to consider what happens to that if they divorce. Hopefully wouldn't happen, but you think about it as a parent.

[PurpleZ]

Childless by choice. But no family or friends have any clue of our status.

[unluky]

I helped my father with his trust when he set it up, but I told him we expected him to spend it all - he earned it. I said "spend it all - we got your coffin" and that became our joke. He did leave us some and a nice family farm, but we were both well on our way and never needed it. We kept it for rental property and fall back emergency fund.

I'd never tell them what was coming. All you can do is fall short of expectations after that. I'm glad I built my own wealth before he passed, so now it is icing - not the cake I waited on in the oven.

[unluky]

Originally Posted by Steveski

Childless by choice. But no family or friends have any clue of our status.

I too am childless, but my sister has a kid. I often wondered what people like you do. Charity? Makes all your good friends super happy? Don't sweat it since you will be gone?

I'd say my nephew will get the best end of my death, but I plan to leave as little as possible...... =)

[PurpleZ]

Originally Posted by unluky

I too am childless, but my sister has a kid. I often wondered what people like you do. Charity? Makes all your good friends super happy? Don't sweat it since you will be gone?

I'd say my nephew will get the best end of my death, but I plan to leave as little as possible...... =)

Well researched charities do benefit from us quite nicely. My niece won’t get anything(personal reasons)but my nephew and almost nephew in law will be remembered in my will. As well as charities that match our values. There is a local no kill cat rescue that we support. Yeah crazy cat guy and all but at least there are zero expectations from them. People just want too much from us and they are grateful for any support we give them.

[vreihen16]

Originally Posted by unluky

I too am childless, but my sister has a kid. I often wondered what people like you do. Charity? Makes all your good friends super happy? Don't sweat it since you will be gone?

A friend of my grandparents was a widower and childless. Back in the 1970's, his wife and he wrote their will to leave everything to their neighbor at the time's two young daughters because they saw them playing outside all the time. He never updated his will.

Fast-forward 40 years when he died. Imagine being a 50-something woman who goes to her mailbox, finding a certified letter from an attorney saying that some old geezer from her childhood that she doesn't even remember left her and her sister over 3/4 million *each*!!!

If any of my old neighbors are looking for me and have money to leave.....

[Reborn_]

Originally Posted by zx10guy

Been reading along with the responses in this thread. I'm in a pretty unique situation where I'm in my 50s with a very young daughter; ie isn't quite a pre-teen yet. I've never discussed what I have in terms of my overall net worth. I have talked to her a number of times about how lucky she is to have the things she has because there are many kids that don't even have a fraction of what she has. But I think she has a sense of where she fits in in terms of where she is in the social economic scale with me and her mother (if it's not obvious by now....I'm divorced.) There was a comment about how it is obvious how parents are doing because of the things they have purchased recently. I would say that's not the case all the time and would say many times it's just people YOLOing and in debt up to their eyeballs. I think people and kids pick up on how well the family is doing by if there are any issues with providing the needs and wants. Outwardly, yes, the things I possess that people can shows that I'm doing pretty well....more so because everything is paid for except the two homes with just primary mortgages.

Anyways, I was taken a back a couple of months ago when my daughter asked if I passed if all the money I have would go to her. I can't think but that thought was a result of the ex wife. Things have been getting difficult again with my daughter of which much of it has been due to the ex wife sharing and talking about things that she has no business sharing with our daughter. All along I've been working towards ensuring I have plenty saved up to live well in retirement and to also have a substantial legacy to leave to my daughter. I know she's still young, but with how things have been deteriorating with my relationship with her with what seems to be little help from the ex in fixing things, I'm re-evaluating what I'm going to do with any inheritance. Thoughts have crossed my mind to spend every last penny of the money, leave it all to my niece, or donate it all to charity.

Just want to say I am really sorry to read this. Over the years (her very early years) you shared enough about what was going on in your life to show true pain and real love. Hope it improves for you and your daughter, my man.

[RockCrusher]

Originally Posted by zx10guy

Been reading along with the responses in this thread. I'm in a pretty unique situation where I'm in my 50s with a very young daughter; ie isn't quite a pre-teen yet. I've never discussed what I have in terms of my overall net worth. I have talked to her a number of times about how lucky she is to have the things she has because there are many kids that don't even have a fraction of what she has. But I think she has a sense of where she fits in in terms of where she is in the social economic scale with me and her mother (if it's not obvious by now....I'm divorced.) There was a comment about how it is obvious how parents are doing because of the things they have purchased recently. I would say that's not the case all the time and would say many times it's just people YOLOing and in debt up to their eyeballs. I think people and kids pick up on how well the family is doing by if there are any issues with providing the needs and wants. Outwardly, yes, the things I possess that people can shows that I'm doing pretty well....more so because everything is paid for except the two homes with just primary mortgages.

Anyways, I was taken a back a couple of months ago when my daughter asked if I passed if all the money I have would go to her. I can't think but that thought was a result of the ex wife. Things have been getting difficult again with my daughter of which much of it has been due to the ex wife sharing and talking about things that she has no business sharing with our daughter. All along I've been working towards ensuring I have plenty saved up to live well in retirement and to also have a substantial legacy to leave to my daughter. I know she's still young, but with how things have been deteriorating with my relationship with her with what seems to be little help from the ex in fixing things, I'm re-evaluating what I'm going to do with any inheritance. Thoughts have crossed my mind to spend every last penny of the money, leave it all to my niece, or donate it all to charity.

Regarding your thoughts to spend every last penny of your money, leave it all to your niece, or donate it all to charity my advice is to avoid seeking revenge or to strike back at someone living or even trying to control someone living from the grave is ill advised.

Certainly enjoy your retirement. I would be leery of seeking to spend money in order to die broke as there is a risk one can go broke before one dies...

Leaving what is left to family is certainly a good thing. In this context leaving some to your daughter, niece, possibly even your ex-wife.

In the event you outlive your heirs leaving the money to good charities is always an option.

[Burnt C6]

yea they know what my net worth is but they also know that my plan is to spend every dime of it before I die and the two of them can split the toys' we've bought.

Kids are in their mid 40's and have very good paying professions. they are just fine with splitting the toys. Now the grandkids are well set up cash wise in the trust.