[aozer]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

I have question for you gents. I am not on facebook, the girlfriend is. I have no idea what her facebook dwellings are like. She has acknowledged that she does get messages from random thirsty ass guys but she never responds. She has recently opened an instagram account and I have noticed the same guy starting to comment on her posts. At first it seemed harmless but today she posts a picture about smiling and how it shows the beauty of a soul. Within minutes homeboy posts the 100 emoji multiple times and then comments about how beautiful her smile is. I send him a message informing him that she has a boyfriend. Nothing crass, just a simple "Just a heads up, she has a boyfriend." He replies with "Oh okay, that's cool. I'm not being disrespectful we are just friends."

Is it wrong of me to send said message?

If you’re girl is attractive she is gonna get hit on by dudes online. If you trust her to be faithful then don’t waste your time with that shit.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by aozer

If you’re girl is attractive she is gonna get hit on by dudes online. If you trust her to be faithful then don’t waste your time with that shit.

Noted

[nyalpine90]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

Oh he clearly likes my lady. I don't feel that I have anything to worry about on my end with her, but I'm not going to have homeboy openly flirting with her on social media. He can find someone without a boyfriend to flirt with. This will save him knuckle dents in his skull as well.

its upto her to put him in his place.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by aozer

If you’re girl is attractive she is gonna get hit on by dudes online. If you trust her to be faithful then don’t waste your time with that shit.

This, and it also tells your girl that you don't trust her/are insecure about the relationship.

It's going to happen no matter what, how you both deal with it can make a difference between an awesome relationship and one that goes south very fast.

If a guy hits on a girl I'm with, I've learned to take it as a compliment, as long as she doesn't escalate it or seem interested. We've all done the same, hit on a girl to find out she is dating someone or married lol.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by MKSixer

I have about 22 minutes. Here goes: I also consult and one of my clients needed an analysis about a satellite clinic and the acquisition of the building they are currently leasing. No problem. I call a friend, he does the analysis and sends it back in no time. It's a mid 7 figure acquisition. Not chump change. This is Tuesday.

The next day I'm at Ruth's Chris in a meeting and I see the biggest commercial broker in my area at the bar and ask him about valuations and such when he says, hold on. He whips out his phone, makes a call and says check your email in 10 minutes. You'll like this. His agent sends me a building that's slightly smaller, 250 meters away from the current building AND in distress. He tells me that I can get it for 8-10 cents on the dollar. At this point I go into high gear to put a package together, see the building on my own, arrange a walk through, speak with my client, the bank, EVERYTHING.

Also...during the last week she is moving which I help with minimally financially...less than 500 for supplies and ancillaries. She called me on the Wednesday and I shared with here what was occurring and she said congratulations let's speak later. I finally finish that work about 11 that evening and received a call from my parents...in their 80's that there is a leak in one of the guest bathrooms at their house. My dad shuts the water off and gives me a list of what will be needed to fix it and asks that I pick it up from HD in the morning. When I finally go to bed it's 1 AM.

I wake up at 5:30, exercise, coffee, dressed and at the Home Depot at 6:30. I go through the aisles picking up everything and check out when I receive a call from her. Here we go:

Her: Good morning what are you doing?
Me: I'm just leaving the Home Depot, my parents had a leak and I got the supplies to repair it now I'm taking it over there:
Her: Silence
Me: Hello, are you still there.
Her: Why didn't you call me last night? I wanted to video chat to speak about the move.
Me: I'm certain you remember that I have a large property acquisition moving quickly and when you add that to my parent's dilemma I couldn't get everything done. Is something wrong? Do you need help?
Her: (Yelling) I don't believe you. I think someone is over there. I think you are getting breakfast for you and them. I need you to take a picture of the receipts and the equipment with the date and time shown and send them to me now.
Me: I don't respond to this kind of anger and definitely not to threats. I am going to hang up and I enjoin you to get control of your negative emotions and call me back when you can speak civilly. I then hang up.

I then get about 20 pages of texts excoriating me on how bad I am and how many women I must be sleeping with whenever she is away.

I haven't responded to any of the texts and some of them are pretty bad.

I did leave a message on her phone sharing that I would box her things and send them back to her ASAP.

Single again.
Cheers-mk

After 3 months of dating, her first assumption when you aren't spending every waking minute of the day with her is that you are cheating??

Some people are just so insecure. I dated a girl like that a number of years ago. At the job I had during that time I was not allowed to be on my phone, and everything was on video. She knew this but still accused me of stuff. She even went through my phone and computer (that was the last straw), and felt pretty dumb when she found absolutely nothing. I ended it and didn't feel bad, because I didn't appreciate that treatment.

[Rmtt]

Originally Posted by nyalpine90

its upto her to put him in his place.

This right here.

Remember the conversation on here about who holds the upper hand when it comes to be emotionally attached?

If you act on this or even show any interest...it shows her right away that you are pretty heavily invested.

Don't get me wrong....I'm not saying to be a "cold" person....but there are other ways to show her you care about her and escalating what that dumb ass is doing is not one of them!

You have sent him a message....that should be the end of it on your part. In the grand scheme of things, you stood up for your woman like any man would. Now it's up to her to do her part.

I don't have any social media....my wife does. And she is very quick to let anyone know that she isn't on the market. She has even volunteered this information to me a few times before. Mostly I ignore it and say something like..." Cool...Hopefully he can afford you!"

In the past it would lead into a conversation about how I would probably care less if she did leave...but now she knows it's just the way I am.

And for some odd reason...it makes her more possessive towards me.

Eventually she just made her account private.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

I have question for you gents. I am not on facebook, the girlfriend is. I have no idea what her facebook dwellings are like. She has acknowledged that she does get messages from random thirsty ass guys but she never responds. She has recently opened an instagram account and I have noticed the same guy starting to comment on her posts. At first it seemed harmless but today she posts a picture about smiling and how it shows the beauty of a soul. Within minutes homeboy posts the 100 emoji multiple times and then comments about how beautiful her smile is. I send him a message informing him that she has a boyfriend. Nothing crass, just a simple "Just a heads up, she has a boyfriend." He replies with "Oh okay, that's cool. I'm not being disrespectful we are just friends."

Is it wrong of me to send said message?

not wrong, but it's not something i'd do
thirsty ass dudes are everywhere man, these snakes will try to get in between. if you trust your girl (which i know you do) it won't do any harm to the relationship. it is annoying for sure. it's just a fact of life that these idiots will try to hide behind handles to drop the 100, fire and sometimes the water drops/eggplant emojis to "show intention" but given we all know how social media works to create these orbiters i'd say you're good. don't worry about it too much

but as CT said - can you ever say you never hit on someone when they were in a relationship?

[DETRoadster]

Originally Posted by Rmtt

This right here.

Remember the conversation on here about who holds the upper hand when it comes to be emotionally attached?

If you act on this or even show any interest...it shows her right away that you are pretty heavily invested.

Don't get me wrong....I'm not saying to be a "cold" person....but there are other ways to show her you care about her and escalating what that dumb ass is doing is not one of them!

You have sent him a message....that should be the end of it on your part. In the grand scheme of things, you stood up for your woman like any man would. Now it's up to her to do her part.

I don't have any social media....my wife does. And she is very quick to let anyone know that she isn't on the market. She has even volunteered this information to me a few times before. Mostly I ignore it and say something like..." Cool...Hopefully he can afford you!"

In the past it would lead into a conversation about how I would probably care less if she did leave...but now she knows it's just the way I am.

And for some odd reason...it makes her more possessive towards me.

Eventually she just made her account private.

That's the key right there. Private account setting.

My wife is on FB and I'm not. Her account is on lock-down so random people cant find her and bother her. Also, because she's a doctor, she wants to be very careful about separating her professional life from her personal life. Needy, clingy, weird patients would be blowing up her personal FB page if they could find her.

Now_Rudi The question is, to what degree is your girl's profile on FB open and discover-able? If anyone can stumble across her profile and "friend" her, why? Why does she need that level of attention for randos?

If you haven't already, you really need to tell her you reached out to that dude and told him to back off. Otherwise, she finds out and suddenly you are the bad guy for interfering in her personal online life. I could see her feeling like she's a grown woman and doesn't need you to be the barometer for when someone is stepping over the line.

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by MKSixer

I have about 22 minutes. Here goes: I also consult and one of my clients needed an analysis about a satellite clinic and the acquisition of the building they are currently leasing. No problem. I call a friend, he does the analysis and sends it back in no time. It's a mid 7 figure acquisition. Not chump change. This is Tuesday.

The next day I'm at Ruth's Chris in a meeting and I see the biggest commercial broker in my area at the bar and ask him about valuations and such when he says, hold on. He whips out his phone, makes a call and says check your email in 10 minutes. You'll like this. His agent sends me a building that's slightly smaller, 250 meters away from the current building AND in distress. He tells me that I can get it for 8-10 cents on the dollar. At this point I go into high gear to put a package together, see the building on my own, arrange a walk through, speak with my client, the bank, EVERYTHING.

Also...during the last week she is moving which I help with minimally financially...less than 500 for supplies and ancillaries. She called me on the Wednesday and I shared with here what was occurring and she said congratulations let's speak later. I finally finish that work about 11 that evening and received a call from my parents...in their 80's that there is a leak in one of the guest bathrooms at their house. My dad shuts the water off and gives me a list of what will be needed to fix it and asks that I pick it up from HD in the morning. When I finally go to bed it's 1 AM.

I wake up at 5:30, exercise, coffee, dressed and at the Home Depot at 6:30. I go through the aisles picking up everything and check out when I receive a call from her. Here we go:

Her: Good morning what are you doing?
Me: I'm just leaving the Home Depot, my parents had a leak and I got the supplies to repair it now I'm taking it over there:
Her: Silence
Me: Hello, are you still there.
Her: Why didn't you call me last night? I wanted to video chat to speak about the move.
Me: I'm certain you remember that I have a large property acquisition moving quickly and when you add that to my parent's dilemma I couldn't get everything done. Is something wrong? Do you need help?
Her: (Yelling) I don't believe you. I think someone is over there. I think you are getting breakfast for you and them. I need you to take a picture of the receipts and the equipment with the date and time shown and send them to me now.
Me: I don't respond to this kind of anger and definitely not to threats. I am going to hang up and I enjoin you to get control of your negative emotions and call me back when you can speak civilly. I then hang up.

I then get about 20 pages of texts excoriating me on how bad I am and how many women I must be sleeping with whenever she is away.

I haven't responded to any of the texts and some of them are pretty bad.

I did leave a message on her phone sharing that I would box her things and send them back to her ASAP.

Single again.
Cheers-mk

Crazy, insecure bitch! Gives us normal women a bad rap. Sorry, but not sorry. Better you find out now.

[cmyx6go]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

I have question for you gents. I am not on facebook, the girlfriend is. I have no idea what her facebook dwellings are like. She has acknowledged that she does get messages from random thirsty ass guys but she never responds. She has recently opened an instagram account and I have noticed the same guy starting to comment on her posts. At first it seemed harmless but today she posts a picture about smiling and how it shows the beauty of a soul. Within minutes homeboy posts the 100 emoji multiple times and then comments about how beautiful her smile is. I send him a message informing him that she has a boyfriend. Nothing crass, just a simple "Just a heads up, she has a boyfriend." He replies with "Oh okay, that's cool. I'm not being disrespectful we are just friends."

Is it wrong of me to send said message?

Step away from the keyboard, young man. I call this the cool down. You should not have responded. It wasn't your place and even though it was nothing crass, it was like you pissing to mark your territory. I don't think you would have taken kindly were the shoe on the other foot.

Just being honest.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by DETRoadster

That's the key right there. Private account setting.

My wife is on FB and I'm not. Her account is on lock-down so random people cant find her and bother her. Also, because she's a doctor, she wants to be very careful about separating her professional life from her personal life. Needy, clingy, weird patients would be blowing up her personal FB page if they could find her.

Now_Rudi The question is, to what degree is your girl's profile on FB open and discover-able? If anyone can stumble across her profile and "friend" her, why? Why does she need that level of attention for randos?

If you haven't already, you really need to tell her you reached out to that dude and told him to back off. Otherwise, she finds out and suddenly you are the bad guy for interfering in her personal online life. I could see her feeling like she's a grown woman and doesn't need you to be the barometer for when someone is stepping over the line.

I have no idea how public her facebook account is. I know that she rarely posts anything and ignores the randos, but this particular guy was trying to weasel in a while back as well. Not to sound any certain way, but this guy is the ex of her exhusbands new wife. This was his way of finding an in to get to know her. She was friendly, civil and explained that she wasn't interested yet he has persisted. This is why I sent the message to him. I'm not the "don't be talking to my girl on social media bro" guy. She's let him know and now so have I. I took screen shots of the conversation between he and I and sent to her to protect myself of any misconceptions. She was more concerned of ensuring that I am all she wants. I think we're all good here. I accept the fact that there will always be guys trying and I'm cool with that. I'd be more concerned if they weren't. She actually thanked me being proactive enough to step in and say something without being rude or aggressive about it.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

Step away from the keyboard, young man. I call this the cool down. You should not have responded. It wasn't your place and even though it was nothing crass, it was like you pissing to mark your territory. I don't think you would have taken kindly were the shoe on the other foot.

Just being honest.

Yes ma'am.....

[Turkish Pickle]

"ex of her husbands new wife" how does that exactly bring you into the equation?


also ~ the girl i broke up with? her sister is apparently in town with their mom. now i met the mom a while ago during mom's weekend, and clearly they don't know :I oops

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

"ex of her husbands new wife" how does that exactly bring you into the equation?

Is this rhetorical? Her ex-husband was married within months of their divorce. This is the guy that his new wife was with before him. I imagine one of those gossiping type "Did you know this about her" type ways of finding a means to talk to my lady. It's all good though, I'm not upset about it nor am I worried that anything would happen. This guys profile on instagram reads like a dating site profile.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

Is this rhetorical?

nope, maybe because i'm braindead at this moment but i really fail to see the connection :I

oh gotcha, thanks for the explanation my man

[DETRoadster]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

I have no idea how public her facebook account is. I know that she rarely posts anything and ignores the randos, but this particular guy was trying to weasel in a while back as well. Not to sound any certain way, but this guy is the ex of her exhusbands new wife. This was his way of finding an in to get to know her. She was friendly, civil and explained that she wasn't interested yet he has persisted. This is why I sent the message to him. I'm not the "don't be talking to my girl on social media bro" guy. She's let him know and now so have I. I took screen shots of the conversation between he and I and sent to her to protect myself of any misconceptions. She was more concerned of ensuring that I am all she wants. I think we're all good here. I accept the fact that there will always be guys trying and I'm cool with that. I'd be more concerned if they weren't. She actually thanked me being proactive enough to step in and say something without being rude or aggressive about it.

Ah, you're in the clear man. Nice work. Really sounds like you did the right thing and have nothing to worry about with respect to your woman.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by DETRoadster

Ah, you're in the clear man. Nice work. Really sounds like you did the right thing and have nothing to worry about with respect to your woman.

Appreciate it. I'm not an insecure or jealous guy at all. Some people are just hard up and think that flirting via social media will make women leave their man for them.....but then again this reason this happens is because there are those that do.

[bimmette]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

I have question for you gents. I am not on facebook, the girlfriend is. I have no idea what her facebook dwellings are like. She has acknowledged that she does get messages from random thirsty ass guys but she never responds. She has recently opened an instagram account and I have noticed the same guy starting to comment on her posts. At first it seemed harmless but today she posts a picture about smiling and how it shows the beauty of a soul. Within minutes homeboy posts the 100 emoji multiple times and then comments about how beautiful her smile is. I send him a message informing him that she has a boyfriend. Nothing crass, just a simple "Just a heads up, she has a boyfriend." He replies with "Oh okay, that's cool. I'm not being disrespectful we are just friends."

Is it wrong of me to send said message?

Wow, very wrong. You seem like a confident, secure guy so I'm quite shocked you did that.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by bimmette

Wow, very wrong. You seem like a confident, secure guy so I'm quite shocked you did that.

Yeah.....not like me. In a way I guess I felt like I needed to say something but....I dunno. I have no words. We all do dumb things on occasion I suppose. She isn't upset with me and that's my main concern. Pretty frustrated with myself that I even thought enough about it to even make the effort to send a message.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

Yeah.....not like me. In a way I guess I felt like I needed to say something but....I dunno. I have no words. We all do dumb things on occasion I suppose. She isn't upset with me and that's my main concern. Pretty frustrated with myself that I even thought enough about it to even make the effort to send a message.

You know, this is very interesting, watching this unfold, with my bucket of licorice (I don't like popcorn).

It really doesn't matter much what us guys think about the matter, so let's deal with only what the female posters have said.

Now, we all know Lups is basically a male, so she doesn't count even though she hasn't replied, and doing the opposite of whatever she recommends is actually usually a pretty good course of action to take in life.

Therefore, we have basically 100% of the females that normally post on here being very strongly in the camp of "You shouldn't have done that". Which suggests they would have been offended had they been in your gf's shoes.

We have, as an opposing viewpoint, your gf, who appears to be happy with what you've done, or at the very least, not upset at all with you. Which is completely contradictory to our female contingent's feelings on the matter.

Now, it seems to me either one of two things is happening here:

1. Despite her words to the contrary, she is a little miffed at you, and you will soon find this out. The next argument should bring this to light if it is going to come up.

2. Because she was originally a little insecure about the relationship and how you feel about her, she takes your actions as positive, as it reinforces you care. Which would then mean that you were right to intervene. Which also means that depending on the woman, you could be right to intervene or you could be wrong.

Which all just boils down to women being fickle creatures and you don't have a hope of understanding them, so love them anyway and do what you were going to do because you have a 50% shot at getting it right anyways. And at least you'll be temporarily happy with yourself while you are doing what you wanted to do.

Time is a great teacher.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

You know, this is very interesting, watching this unfold, with my bucket of licorice (I don't like popcorn).

It really doesn't matter much what us guys think about the matter, so let's deal with only what the female posters have said.

Now, we all know Lups is basically a male, so she doesn't count even though she hasn't replied, and doing the opposite of whatever she recommends is actually usually a pretty good course of action to take in life.

Therefore, we have basically 100% of the females that normally post on here being very strongly in the camp of "You shouldn't have done that". Which suggests they would have been offended had they been in your gf's shoes.

We have, as an opposing viewpoint, your gf, who appears to be happy with what you've done, or at the very least, not upset at all with you. Which is completely contradictory to our female contingent's feelings on the matter.

Now, it seems to me either one of two things is happening here:

1. Despite her words to the contrary, she is a little miffed at you, and you will soon find this out. The next argument should bring this to light if it is going to come up.

2. Because she was originally a little insecure about the relationship and how you feel about her, she takes your actions as positive, as it reinforces you care. Which would then mean that you were right to intervene. Which also means that depending on the woman, you could be right to intervene or you could be wrong.

Which all just boils down to women being fickle creatures and you don't have a hope of understanding them, so love them anyway and do what you were going to do because you have a 50% shot at getting it right anyways. And at least you'll be temporarily happy with yourself while you are doing what you wanted to do.

Time is a great teacher.

Joe your brilliance never ceases to amaze me. Your analytical ability to break things down to the rawest essence is what my friends come to me for and it bewilders me when you do it to me. I asked several of my friends about this situation today and what they would have done. All of them said they would have done the exact same thing I did. The perplexes the shit out of me. I've gotten mixed reviews on this.

The thing that does actually bother me about it is that I have gone from a take it or leave it stance with her to sending some guy a message basically planting my flag in her ass. WTF is wrong with me???

It's quite obvious that I care about her and enjoy our time together. Yes it is true that she is a good woman and I am quite fortunate to have her in my life but how the hell did I get here with all these damn feelings emotions and whatnot?

As long as she isn't upset about it...I mean genuinely not upset; not the kind of upset where she states that she isn't but then brings it up months later, then I'm ok with it. Deep down I feel like I should have just overlooked it and said or done nothing. Either way, lesson learned....no more messages to random guys who hit on my girl online.....next time, I drive to their house and beat them senseless like a real man.



I kid, I kid....

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by Now_Rudi

Joe your brilliance never ceases to amaze me.
I kid, I kid....

FTFY

Nah, I'm not brilliant, I just look at the world in a bemused sort of way, while trying to sidestep idiots who will make my life difficult and help others when I can.

Emotions are natural. Makes us human. Don't worry about your feelings, that's a good thing. You can put up a wall (I have before) and yeah, you won't get nearly as hurt, but you aren't going to enjoy life as much either, because it will always feel....I don't know - clinical I guess. Sanitized maybe...about the only words I can use to describe it.

Be selective, but be genuine is all I can say. I hope people see that about me - I've always tried to be very genuine and warm. So when you care about someone - great! Make sure they know it. Just be selective about who you let in.