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      11-06-2018, 10:41 AM   #1551
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Originally Posted by Never_Enough View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnerDriver View Post
I don't know but my guess is:

As usual, we got infatuated when started dating, lots of passion, heat (not like upstatedoc), made plans, moved in together, did lots of stuff together (move out, new houses, international trips, MBA together, Post grad together, etc)
Then we got married...
At a certain point things weren't so hot anymore, and I fully accept that is normal.
But I started to feel like I was the only one "starting things" so to speak.
So, maybe instinctively or counterproductively I started to "not" start things. As in: you should do something as well.

Well, lo and behold, we'd go months with just a closed lip kiss everyday...

It took me a couple of years to decide that wasn't going to work and left.

Apparently for her the passion is still there and she regrets not making any move. But I'm uncertain I'd be open for that now...
That doesn't sound like you're not physically attracted to her, that sounds like the flame went out. The flame can be reignited, but you both have to put in the work.

I've been in the relationship where I was always initiating & I got tired of that bs so I stopped & then it became a roommate thing really. Then she cheated & left on a whim. Don't let that be you.
It feels like I was the one that left on a whim... although, I brought that up many times... we let it become a roommate situation and then I left when I found someone else (that didn't work out).
I told her I always felt like a coward for not having the courage to take action, but needed to get out for both of our sakes.

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Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnerDriver View Post
Hey thanks...
I replied to never enough above while you were writing, but yes, no kids, and nothing changed physically or behaviourally, my guess is that the no initiation from her part drove me away.
Maybe she was raised that way. I don't know.
Hmm, well, if that's her nature, it isn't going to be easy to change, and it'll be easy to slip back into what is comfortable later on.

And if that is key to you, then it won't be easy. Is she willing to commit to changing and initiating? Are you willing to respond? If you shut her down when she tries, it will never work, she'll get embarrassed or feel hurt, and won't continue.

Have you explained this clearly to her, that the lack of initiation on her part is extremely important to you? Has she committed to changing? Have you asked whether there is something you need to fix for her sake?
Yes we have had many many conversations about it.

She says she regrets not taking initiative, and would like to show me how she can.

Sometimes she kisses me but her tongue feels cold, you know? Don't know how to say it... I care for her a lot.

I wish I believed in hypnosis. Maybe someone could say "you feel hot for her" and all would be gone.
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