Quote:
Originally Posted by Not_Judy
I'm actually considering ending it. Here is the entire deal:
I rarely hear from her during the day. In the event that I do it's nothing important. "How's your day", "I'm tired", "It's cold" blah, blah, blah. Anything of any importance I know nothing about as she doesn't communicate well at all. She smokes weed and I do not. To further compound the issue of time management, I'm constantly waiting on her to get her things done and get to me but somehow she always finds time to get high first. Don't get me wrong, I used to smoke and still would if I could and I'm not trying to change who she is to accommodate me; but it does seem that I am forever waiting on her. Even on the nights that she comes to my place pre-workout she still manages to get to my house without being ready to get to the gym. In the 3 hours she can't change clothes first? She has time to get high first though.
Kids - I have absolutely no intention in getting close to her kids. My boys are 18 & 19 years old and do not live with me. I have complete freedom to whatever with my time. She still has at least 11 years before she is where I am with life.
Money - I'm fairly financially secure; she is not. She is constantly chasing her tail trying to figure out how to make ends meet. Also has a home that is in complete disarray. Shit is constantly breaking, needing replaced, etc. The past two weeks it's been a leaking roof and a broken HVAC system. It sucks to want to go somewhere and hear "I don't have any money" or to go shopping while she stands around and watched because she doesn't have any money. She could get a better job making more money but this means that she would have to stop smoking pot to do so. When we first got together I smoked and she didn't. She was constantly looking for another job to make more money, this has now stopped.
I never know from one day to the next what the game plan is and I am forever in a state of waiting on her to tell me. I never know until the last minute. It's as if I am just hanging out waiting on her to fill me in and she doesn't plan ahead enough to figure it out to let me know or it isn't even a thought in her mind.
She is good person, has a big heart, loves me and is committed to me but all the other aspects are greatly starting to outweigh the good.
My last relationship consisted of really connecting with that person, being deeply in love but getting cheated on. Now I'm in a relationship where I don't worry about being cheated on or lied to, but now have no real connection to the person. Dammit.
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this is the main post i wanted to quote and this might be a long read but bear with me.
1- my time is valuable is my attitude towards a lot of things, if i waste it i waste it, if i am productive with it i'm productive with it. no one to blame/praise for what i do with my time.
2- call me old timey or too non-western/non-americanized but i feel like picking up smoking pot after college especially when you start working isn't really a good thing
3- you say you change your plans/schedule around to make time for her, for whatever reason she doesn't portray the respect/decency to do that for you and just assumes you are able to make days longer than 24 hours (if you know how do tell)
4- i just realized i'm probably only a couple months older than your older son, wow: clearly you've been through two boys and their teenage years you most understandably don't want to deal with that anymore
5- the lack of and the decrease of ambition is imo the most concerning thing of all this list. like lack, sure some people just don't have it but the fact that she got used to the "comfort" of being in this state is something i would never, ever tolerate. not tryna get into my family issues here but i'm amazed how my dad is still with my mom after all these years, they aren't much older than you either
6- as wede said and i bolded in the last post i think we all know what's bound to happen, im an impulsive person usually but i go through a similar process of "deliberating with the boys" when it comes to serious stuff like this and generally speaking what you have in mind starting the deliberation is what we all agree on by the time we're done....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Not_Judy
So you don't feel that I am being selfish? I feel this way because I don't deal with small kids and I don't stay for a week at a time at her house, etc.
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I don't think you're being selfish at all, we all have bounds. You don't like small kids, I don't like going to the movies etc really don't think this is you being selfish to the point that it's detrimental to her it's just you not doing something you like which is how it should be in my opinion