Thread: Psychologists
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      01-25-2022, 03:38 PM   #34
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Quote:
Originally Posted by e90335e36m3 View Post
We did try to go through a Christian counselor too. The feedback was practical rather than faith-based, e.g. if you are not able to decide what to do by a date certain, split. She no longer wants to see counselors, because she's looking for a singular response "divorce is wrong". So my attempts to do what you're saying have failed miserably.

In her culture as well, sharing intimate details with anyone outside the family (her and me), even parents, is shameful. I know she's shared both of our failures with her mom and no response. This Christmas I made it a point to discuss the matter of children with her mom and how much it hurts her not to have them, and she basically said, if God wants you to have children, you will. My wife just said she will repress her innate desires for children, but I think it's a recipe for resent down the road.

She's very shy and has emotional issues (the biggest reason for divorce for me), so it would be hard for her to find someone who would be patient enough to deal with them. I enabled the behavior by forgiving every outburst but it wore on me over time. So I feel guilty leaving, seeing her crying holding onto me, running after the car, seeing thousands of texts a day, newly created phone numbers to replace blocked ones.
Worst thing is like I said, she does not see that she also deserves better, she deserves to have a Christian man, a man who wants children, and so on. But she clings to me. I was her first BF.
It's all very tragic. I know last year if she left me be, I'd be divorced, despite my concerns about stability.
I'm a Christian and hate to see anyone get divorced too, so don't really know what to tell you. I kind of get why your wife wants to make it work, sounds like you are not a Christian, and perhaps also you may have cheated on her in the past, but sounds like in general, you regret past mistakes and have a kind heart which is what is tying you in.

I don't know - I don't think her refusal to divorce is really based on Christian faith though. The Bible permits divorce and remarriage in very few scenarios, but certainly suggests it is better to remain married if both parties agree...but gives permission in few circumstances if X happens and the one party wants to be divorced and remarry.

I think there are only 3 scenarios, and one of those I forget, but the ones that do come to mind are:
1. Sexual unfaithfulness is permission to divorce the unfaithful party and remarry
2. Being married to a non-Christian where the non-Christian cannot live with the Christian spouse any more (but if they can, they should) - that is permission to divorce and remarry.

And I'd think by the sounds of it, you meet criteria #2, so should give her more or less free reign to not feel bad about it - she did the best she could. And free to find someone else.

So I suspect this goes not to her faith, but to her character and general insecurities. Of which, you aren't going to change. She sounds like a good woman in general though?

What is it - not enough sex, not enough compassion, what is it that is the biggest issue you have?
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