Quote:
Originally Posted by Not_Judy
Honestly, I would prefer someone to tell me I am wrong and point me in the direction of being more patient with her or shedding some pearl of wisdom as to what may be going on with her to make me feel not quite so selfish. However, for the first time in my life; I am in control of my finances, time and generally everything. It makes me feel guilty to want to do things for myself all the while watch her struggle but I'm starting to see the reason she struggles is due to her own decisions, lack of communication and time management. Again, she is a great person and I feel like a dick for being fed up with petty issues.....but I feel like my issues shouldn't be considered petty as it's my life....make sense at all?
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Forgive me for being a lurker in other forums for the most part, but I read through a bunch of this thread today, and wanted to chime in.
It sounds to me like this gal treats you well when she wants, but prioritizes basically everything else in her life, even with the minimal attention she seems to give to most of it.
She smokes weed before doing things with you, and blows you off to smoke... I was in this situation, where the girl I was dating would do this to me, be hours late for plans, meet me, and proceed to go meet people to buy, or sell, or smoke, instead of doing what we had planned on etc. Frustrated me to no end, and killed her ability to focus on anything other than weed. Pretty sure she really didn't care when we split up, as she kept the habit up, and unfortunately got worse mentally.
She somehow takes hours to get from work to your place or the gym, which begs the simple question, why can't either of you pack a bag and go straight to the gym, change there, lock your stuff up, and work out? If she is unwilling to do this, why? I would suggest just getting into your groove on the gym thing, and either she follows suit or does not, and I bet she does not. If she isn't willing to sort her shit out and do that for you, to give both of you more quality time after the gym, that's another red flag.
Her home situation sounds like it stresses you immensely, between the kids, the state of cleanliness (or lack thereof) and general disrepair and lack of ability to maintain it. You have had plenty of advice on the kid situation, and if she is so lax on the discipline, and gets mad at any amount of emotion from you about it after 2.5 years, another huge red flag, it is NOT going to get better. If being in her home gives you anxiety, and she is so flippant about it, just shows more lack of drive to make her life a compatible situation for you, and you allowing her to escape to your place when her kids are not there enables it to continue.
In cliff notes, sounds like she disrespects you, and is comfortable doing so since she is nice and gives you good sex when you initiate. Everything else is using you, and honestly driving you away. The choice looks clear to an outsider.
Granted, I am 40, separated, had lived with my wife for 7 years before we got married, and was married 5 years before we got separated. I now live 2000 miles and a country away from her, had to live with family while I started my life over, have a new job, trying to date in a totally unfamiliar era, etc etc.