Quote:
Originally Posted by bimmette
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnerDriver
Quote:
Originally Posted by bimmette
Quote:
Originally Posted by OnerDriver
Since upstatedoc is now in a relationship, and therefore out of this dating thread, I will interject as I need help.
Few will remember (I hope) about my marriage and BPD situation.
A few weeks back I moved back home and I'm trying to make the marriage work.
Why? Well, she missed me, I missed her. Life without her wasn't the same, I'd much rather travel and do stuff with her than alone.
I believe this is normal after any breakup, you miss doing stuff or going to the same places without that person.
However, that got me thinking: what's it going to be? Am I just going to go from girlfriend to girlfriend?
I can't think of anyone who wants me more, who I can talk about ANYTHING, who knows me well, and who likes doing all I like doing (I mean, it kind of gets exhausting to hear girls don't like doing sports, don't ski, get sick or ask you to slow down when you're driving)... she's even with me on politics...
I couldn't think of anyone I'd like to have kids with so they could be raised with her values as well as mine.
All signs point to the right direction, right?
I thought I was going through a mid-life crisis at 36...
But since I lost physical attraction to her, how do I make it work?
Any personal experience in "reigniting the flame" so to speak?
That seems to be the piece that's missing and makes me VERY doubtful about the short-term future...
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You're just settling because you're comfortable. I've done the same even when I was not physically attracted anymore, and let me say, it's not fair to her and you. Try to rekindle with some romantic dates, but if it doesn't work, forget it. She doesn't want to be your roommate. |
Neither do I, don't get me wrong. I was the one that made the move so we could both focus on our things. She never wanted me to move and is very scared of losing her comfort.
Is it more comfortable if we stay together? Yes. I won't have to hurt her.
I was looking forward for the thrill of being single again, but then realized "what if the grass isn't greener"...
Neither of us wants to be roommates, but can we be more than that again? |
I think there are two aspects involved. Do you love her personality and admire and respect her? Are you attracted to her brain?
And then, if you didn't know her, would you physically find her attractive? Maybe she has gained weight? Maybe you have? Maybe you can go workout together? |
I love her in the sense of I would do anything for her. As I love my friends.
I have lots of respect for her, and I do find her very intelligent.
You're touching on a very good point, as lately I found myself being a little short on her shortcomings, as in I have lost respect for her. When we split up she became "friends" of people she'd badmouth a lot. She still does (stuff like "oh darn I have to go meet my friends grrr I'd rather not, they're exhausting, they're stupid but I care for them") that lost my respect.
I don't think I'd find her physically attractive today, but I wouldn't kick her out of bed. Sometimes I think she's cute. She hasn't changed much, neither have I. We're both in relatively good shape.
There's something about me though, that I thought was common to most men, is that you may find someone very attractive (say in a picture), but when they open their mouths they become ugly... or the other way around. Personality is about 70% of a person's good looks for me.