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      12-21-2018, 02:58 PM   #2711
King Rudi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joekerr View Post
There is no perfect woman out there, just like you are no perfect man. And I bet that the initial thrill of the dating phase will eventually get old too as you realize you will always find the flaws in each other with each new person...eventually that realization must set in, and no doubt leaves one jaded if you are always looking for the perfect match.

I don't know, sounds like it is a balancing of positives and negatives, and figuring out if you can live with the negatives. I would say the lack of initiation is frustrating, but not nearly as important as the kids. The kids are always going to be around, in some way or another, and always number one for her. And if you can't stand them, I don't know long run how that will play out, but I wouldn't be surprised if its a struggle.

On the other hand, you say she's attractive and a good person (very important and hard to find sometimes with those who are not already in relationships). I would not be surprised if you took a few days to clear your head and disconnect a little from your frustration in the moment that you found many other positive traits about her.

Obviously I can't tell you what to do, but I'd encourage you to step back and evaluate the situation with a calm mind and be fair to her before you take any action. There are some very concerning things here, no doubt.

How many times have you discussed this with her and asked her to initiate sometimes? Have you conveyed how important it is to you?

This doesn't mean it will change of course - I've tried having this discussion with my dear wife, and it really hasn't changed things. But ultimately, it's not the hill I wish to die on, there are far too many other good things about her.
I agree completely with what you are saying. I may get along better with someone else, but this doesn't mean they will be faithful. They may be faithful, but I won't be as attracted. You are correct that there are no perfect women, just as there are no perfect men. In 2 1/2 years we have had 2 arguments, both of which were the same argument over initiating sex. Nothing has changed and I don't expect it to. She's so hot that I'm sure she has never had to initiate sex, it just get thrown at her. I have communicated that it would be nice for her to make the first move on occasion and her response was that she initiates just as much as I do.....this just simply isn't accurate, she must not either understand what initiate means or thinks laying there is participating....I dunno.

The biggest issue that I have with her is just overall personality. I'm a type-A personality - fast talking, goal oriented, go-getter, clean, etc. She is just kinda happy to be wherever she is. Whatever direction the wind blows her is where she'll end up, simply no direction at all.

I definitely need to step back and calm down before I make any move whatsoever, but between last night and this mornings arguments, I definitely feel different about her....especially in regards to sex now. I may be an asshole but now that I know without a shadow of a doubt that it is my job to initiate every single time, this makes me not want to initiate it at all.

Thanks for the sound advice Joe. and sorry for rambling.
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