Quote:
Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle
Quote:
Originally Posted by upstatedoc
wait, did you say you were married somewhere in this mish-mash?
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me? i havent married anyone so far
Quote:
Originally Posted by shoei
Let me try a different approach. Let's use cars for example, considering we're on a BMW forum.
You're a used vehicle. Decent miles, but you've got some issues. Minor but not taken care of, the leak for example could cause more problems down the road. Your software needs to be updated and there's definitely a recall or two. But you're sitting on the used car lot, all waxed up and shiny trying to command top dollar but you aren't even CPO.
Go get your shit fixed, get CPO'ed, then go back out onto the used car lot. Cuz right now? You're just trying to scam a potential prospect wanting them to get involved with you and then fix all your shit. It's not their responsibility and it's not their job to make your life better.
My two cents.
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I understand your point, I really do - what is giving that away?
And, how does one tackle that? |
It's all in your verbiage if I'm being honest. Tell tale little nuggets you drop along the way.
I'm only skimming at words you and the other guy write because sometimes if I'm being completely honest with you? There's a lot of cringe is what is being said. So imagine, there's a woman sitting across the table from you, scanning and observing to see if you are a suitable match for them to invest their time, energy and mental capacity into. If I can see it, believe me when I tell you the women can sense it. Do you want a reclamation project? What makes you think a woman would? At least not one who has their shit together.
You shouldn't be pursuing a relationship because you don't want to be "alone." You also shouldn't be reliant on a partner to boost you up or "put lead in my pencil." If that's what it takes - the encouragement or support of somebody else for you to be a functioning member of society? You aren't looking for a girlfriend. You're looking for a parent.
Just try to fathom the sheer amount of responsibility you're putting on another human being. We aren't put on this planet to make somebody else happy or to make somebody else feel whole.
Lastly, you asked me what gave it away basically. I'd like for you to ponder this question. Did you ask me what gave it away because you want to know what things not to say or do on your next date? If the answer is yes, then I rest my case. You aren't anywhere near ready. But Pickles, need you to know that there's nothing wrong with that. It's completely healthy for one to realize they got some growing and figuring out on their own to do before they subject some stranger to that shit.
When you can be alone, you're ready. When the only conversations you're having doesn't revolve around the dates you've been on or the women you're trying to chat up? You're ready. When a relationship isn't what defines you, you're ready.