[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by BronkaidBrah

Once upon a time, I’m talking circa 2015, I decided to give tinder a try. I was having decent luck but most of the women I matched with were either extremely dull , extremely clingy, or fronts for escort services. One seemed to stand out and ended up sounding really interesting so I ended up asking for her number so I didn’t have to deal with texting through the app. During our chat she brought up how her car was acting up and how she wished she was skilled enough to diagnose it . I used this as an opportunity to meet up and have something to do since I really didn’t have anything to do with my time other than work, sleep, lift, and eat, and wanted a change of pace. I tell her I can probably figure it out in no time at all and after convincing her I was not a serial killer, she gives me her address and I head out. I get there and I was greeted a women who vaguely resembled her profile pics. Like it could have been her 10-15 years ago but the camera must have took off 15- 125lbs. The “Facebook angles” were real. I’m not going to be a blatant jerk so I introduce myself and immediately change the topic to to broken car so there will be no chance of any romantics. Turns out her maf was just unplugged, I plug it in and clear her code and all was well. She asks what I want in return for coming out , and I jokingly say a McDouble and a 10 piece nuggets. She invites me inside to wash up and pours me a drink. I want to decline but it’s almost impossible for me to turn down a free drink especially when it’s whiskey. One drink turned into another and another and another, she got me exactly where she wanted. Too drunk to leave and relaxed enough that my mindset turned into “whatever happens happens” her demeanor almost instantly changed. She made me watch dance moms with her and give her massage. I wanted to leave but also didn’t want a dwi. In hindsight I wish I would have thought of calling a cab, I don’t recall things like Uber being mainstream as of yet. Night falls and she brings me to the bedroom to sleep it off, I don’t want to speak about what happened, just know it involved me cowering in the corner of her bed and waking up in the middle of the night with my arm trapped under her body numb from the lack of blood circulation with no escape. Fast forward to the next morning, I wake up and she makes me put on a pair of “cheekster” style underwear to replace the pair of underwear I apparently “misplaced” and demands to watch me eat a bowl of cereal. Most awkward moment of my life. She gets ready for work and tells me I better be there when she gets back. Once I hear her car leave I make a break for it. 10 hours later I get a text from her asking if I wanted to be her valentine that year. I immediately changed my number and haven’t went on a date since.

Oh man....good story.