11-26-2007, 09:55 PM | #68 |
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11-27-2007, 10:02 AM | #70 |
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I believe there is a double-standard as far as what women are allowed to do and what men are allowed to do.
We rationalize our behavior all too often, yet automatically jump the gun at any sign of suspicion from our spouse/significant other. 95% of American males watch some form of pornography (the other 5% are lying). Does this constitute cheating? We quickly rationalize, no! it's not cheating because we're not actually doing anything with that other person. And furthermore, we're men and therefore it's part of our nature and unavoidable. That's complete BS to me, because we ARE cheating on our significant others in that instance, because we betray our loved ones physically and emotionally. How many times, after watching pornography, do those images flash through our minds when we are having sex with our loved ones? Truly, we should all look in the mirror before condemning this man's wife, who none of us even know except for the OP himself. Let the sinless cast the first stone. I believe as much as pornography and masturbation are "unescapable" for men because it's part of our "nature," the need to be loved, admired, and shown affection is also hard-wired into women. If we neglect that, then they might get it elsewhere much like we curb our natural tendencies elsewhere. As much grace is extended to the male-gender by women, so we should do the same. |
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11-27-2007, 11:15 AM | #72 |
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Who the hell are you? and why would you give someone your life savings which is supposedly in the millions. I call BS.
Also, I wouldn't be bending over and letting her do whatever she wants. My girlfiend who I feel will be my wife in a few years, i hope knows not to dare pull shit like that. I maybe wouldnt rush to divorce but id be smacking a hoe. That shit is not acceptable.
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11-27-2007, 11:17 AM | #73 | |
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If you actually think me beating one constitutes me cheating on my girlfriend then you are a joke. Shit I don't need porn, I can easily imagine my girlfriend and her best friend going at it. But it does make it quicker and really causes no harm. As long as the guy or girl isnt addicted to it.
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11-27-2007, 11:54 AM | #74 |
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No, I'm a guy who's been dating a girl for 2 years and wants to prepare myself so that my marriage lasts.
I'm a guy who is sick and tired of the divorce rate in America, and people not being mature enough to step up to the plate and take responsibility. You must be joking if you don't think pornography or masturbation doesn't cause harm to a relationship. Would you be comfortable watching pornography and masturbating, then having your girlfriend/spouse walk in on you? Would you feel guiltless? Do you think that's a betrayal of trust? Have you put yourself in HER shoes and thought of what she would think or how she would feel? And, honestly, what percentage of American's AREN'T addicted to pornography? You have got to be kidding yourself if you believe people aren't addicted when the porn industry is a multi BILLION dollar industry. How do you define cheating? Most people constitute cheating as a physical affair, but it can be emotional and psychological as well. When you are watching pornography and/or masturbating, you are SUBSTITUTING something in the place of your girlfriend/spouse. THAT is cheating. THAT shows that you are not satisfied with your girlfriend/spouse and what she provides isn't enough. I thoroughly believe the divorce rate in America is a big problem, and masturbation/pornography contributes to that issue. |
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11-27-2007, 12:02 PM | #75 |
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FOB, realistically, I think you're living in a dreamworld.
The hardwiring of human beings is to look. If you are with your girlfriend at a nice restaraunt and see an attractive couple walk in, I am more than certain that you will both look up. You will both wonder, if for an instant - wow = she/he is pretty hot. Ask your girlfriend the next time she sees an attractive male if she takes a quick glance. If nothing else, the woman or man always wonders" wow - what is she/he doing with him/her?!?" Does that constitute cheating? If it does, than everyone's a cheater. You may list mastubaiton pornography as an issue, but what is pornography? Is a nude art? How about all of the madison avenue driven marketing ads?
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11-27-2007, 12:10 PM | #76 |
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Who said the ads AREN'T an issue? Sex sells, and unfortunately it's everywhere in America.
Pornography may be categorized as art, but again it's another justification for its existence in our lives. What do most people use pornography for? For THEM to live in a fantasy world and substitute someone in a video, picture, etc. It's a way for them to live out their desires and detach themselves from reality so they don't feel guilty. Looking at a hot/beautiful girl or guy is one thing, but acting on desires is another. If you can watch pornography, view it as art, and NEVER act on your impulses, then good for you and your justification is valid. But be honest with yourself, how many people can? It's ACTING on those impulses, and therefore substituting another figure or human being for your girlfriend/spouse, that constitutes cheating. All I'm saying, is that we are not guilt free and therefore we shouldn't be so quick to judge the OP's wife. Everyone is so quick to point the finger at her and say, "she's cheating," "dump her," "protect your assets." Is money worth more than love and trust? Is watching pornography and masturbating to it less of an offense than what she has done, speculation aside? If you put money before your marriage, than you love money more than your wife. I'm worth more than 100mm and would never have by fiance sign a prenup, because I'm dooming my marriage from the start by saying I don't trust her 100% and my money is more valuable to me than my marriage and COMMITMENT to her. Spare me the "protecting yourself," BS. As a husband, protect your marriage first. |
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11-27-2007, 12:17 PM | #77 |
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Tough subject. Yes, she was cheating, but honestly, I don't believe in a single couple where either a husband or wife never cheated (or were seriously tempted to cheat) throughout the entire marriage. Especially if they are good looking, healthy, and full of energy. Humans are still animals and the laws of natural attraction have not been repealed yet.
Also, let's face it, no one can maintain the same level of passion for his/her mate for years. |
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11-27-2007, 12:24 PM | #78 |
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11-27-2007, 12:29 PM | #79 | |
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11-27-2007, 01:25 PM | #80 | ||
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First you are sick of people getting divorced and all that blah blah. Ok its america people can be dumb all they want you sort of take it to heart. Guess what you can never watch porn in a relationship do everything by the book and bam your girl leaves you. It always happens to those that worry to much or put way to much pressure on making sure everything is done right. Would I feel guilty about beating off? No. Wtf did I just murder someone? And in her shoes? She can masterbate too, So I really dont care. And you really sound like one of those douchebags who got a degree and can tell the world how to have a relationship. First porn industry is a billion dollar industry and a good chunk of americans can get a addicted because of what you are doing! it is shunned and looked down upon, yet it is used in ads and put in our face. Unlike Europe and such which are open to nudity and sexuality. And again you know me and every relationship? You state me beating off means Im not satisfied with my girlfriend? Far from it, maybe because during the week I have hardly no time to see her sometimes? Oh but I forgot you know me and every single relationship so therefore can state such insane crap like that. You are a joke and like I said wouldnt be surprised your the one who ends up getting divorced. Quote:
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11-27-2007, 01:43 PM | #81 |
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DasBlitz, I aplogize if you took things personally. I used "you" in my response as a generalization to men in general and did not inted to single you out.
I DON'T know you, and am in the wrong to generalize and assume things about you and your relationship. Considering we have, at the least, BMWs in common, I wouldn't skip the opportunity to get to know you. Again, please accept my apology. |
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11-27-2007, 02:07 PM | #82 | |
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To Derek: give us an idea what accounts are untouchable by divorce. Is 401k untouchable? Gary |
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11-27-2007, 02:13 PM | #83 |
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Hard situation your in... I would just make sure your discomforts are known. Honestly she has found someone that fills her needs that you can't. She has a substitute relationship for something she should have in you... be careful, life is short make a decision and follow through with it. I would be pissed if my wifey started talking to any guy... friend or whatever! The fact that she finds it ok for him to call her pet names is wrong... whats next after she realizes she's bored with that... physical touch... maybe a massage or two???
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11-27-2007, 02:16 PM | #84 | |
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The only way it might get right in your case is going to a marriage counsellor. My wife would not, but a third party can give you both clean thoughts. Consequences can be that your wife or even you as a result quits the relation, but now you have the idea that this was the maximal possible outcome. If you do not, you always know that you didn't try all to save the relation and most likely her behaviour will turn back in 4-5 years and will strike you like a boomerang.(your problems needs to be solved, not rumbling under the surface) Do NOT start arguing or fighting yet, even how difficult is may be (if you have to hand over $ 2.0m in a divorce, this might change a little). I see that you did a lot of investing yet (moving, different jobs/friends etc.) so take steps now and take your life in your own hands!! Good luck, you will need it. |
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11-27-2007, 02:34 PM | #85 | |
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11-27-2007, 02:38 PM | #86 | |
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I'm betting you're... say 17, maybe 18? First and only girlfriend is the one you're planning on marrying? She reads these forums and is a religious nut or still a "princess". Not saying it to be mean, saying it because most everything you said sounds like wide eyed childhood dreams with no real world experience. Actually I'll bet you are the Girlfriend now that I re-read your post...
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11-27-2007, 02:41 PM | #87 |
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uuhhh.... no. I'm 25 and my parents almost went through a divorce when I was in high school due to an affair. My girlfriend's parents are divorced.
You may think I have an idealistic view on marriage and what not, and therefore believe me to be young and naive. In actuality, I firmly believe in the depravity of mankind. I fully expect there to be much turmoil in my marriage, and any marriage for that matter. The fact is, that regardless of the turmoil, hurt, and anger, I want to uphold my marriage vow if and when I take it. I do not know if I will be able to do so, but when I take the vow and say, "till DEATH do us part," I want to uphold my end of the bargain no matter how painful that may be. That means loving and devoting myself to my wife, even if she does cheat on me. Call me dumb or naive, but I believe that to be what marriage and love is about, regardless of my personal pain. Marriage and love can't be selfish. |
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