[MilehighM3]

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?







insert favorite gagging noise here

[E90M3velocity]

Mars: Come over
Nasa: You're 33.9 million miles away
Mars: I'm wet
Nasa: I'm coming over

[SenorFunkyPants]

I was out with some pals last night and I must have had too much to drink as for some reason I agreed to have a small steering wheel attached to my testicles. It seemed like fun at the time but when I sobered up I had to take it off, it was driving me nuts.

[M3Bimmer77]

There were two guys going with the traffic flow on the highway. All of a sudden a really nice modded car comes from the back speeding thru traffic. Driver says, oh what a fucking cool guy. Passenger says, " no it's a gal. Driver says, oh I'm sorry what a fucking stupid nonsense gal. She's going to cause an accident!!! Sorry gals, just a joke.

[NEFARIOUS]

Originally Posted by SenorFunkyPants

I was out with some pals last night and I must have had too much to drink as for some reason I agreed to have a small steering wheel attached to my testicles. It seemed like fun at the time but when I sobered up I had to take it off, it was driving me nuts.

Dude... My colleague just told me a similar joke the other day I was going to share! Except it involved a pirate and the obligatory "walks into a bar" intro.

[Bartman619]

What do you get when you mix a Mexican and an Asian ?


A Car Thief that can't drive.

[MChat]

There was a guy who had just purchased a new BMW M3, picked it up at PCD and was driving it back across the United States to his home in California. Along the way he decided to get off of the interstate and hit some old twisty country highways.

Just on the outskirts of this one small town, he stopped for gas and getting back onto the highway he stopped at the towns one red light. Just then a country boy on a moped pulled up beside him and was admiring the car greatly. The beautiful car was unlike any the country boy had seen in his 16 years and he leaned over to get a close look at the full leather interior.

The country boy was still leaning over looking at the car when the light turned green and the M3 owner decided he'd show the ol' country boy just what the car could do. Soon the country boy was nothing but a dot in the rear view mirror as the M3 had quickly sprinted to well over 100 mph. The guy was just about to back off the gas when he noticed that the dot in his mirror was getting bigger. He stayed in the throttle, caught the next gear, but the dot kept getting bigger, just about the time he hit 140mph, the country boy whizzed by him on the moped!

The guy couldn't believe his eyes as the country boy on his moped left him in the dust, what was once a dot in his rearview was now a dot disappearing in front of him. As he started to slow down, the dot started getting bigger again, very rapidly and the country boy on the scooter went flying by him going the opposite direction and was soon just a dot in the mirror again.

Amazed, the guy kept an eye on his rear view and sure enough here comes the dot, the country boy on the moped getting closer and closer. Just about the time he thought the boy should by flying by him, his car lurched forward with a huge crashing sound as the boy flew right into the back of his car.

He came to a stop and jumped out, his car was damaged sure enough, but the moped was completely destroyed and the country boy was arranged in a pile behind his car, messed up but still alive. Concern for the boy overcame the guy and he said to the kid "boy that was soooome moped you got there, is there anything I can do for you?"

The ol' country boy replied: "Yes sir, you can unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!"

[3GFX]

Originally Posted by MChat

There was a guy who had just purchased a new BMW M3, picked it up at PCD and was driving it back across the United States to his home in California. Along the way he decided to get off of the interstate and hit some old twisty country highways.

Just on the outskirts of this one small town, he stopped for gas and getting back onto the highway he stopped at the towns one red light. Just then a country boy on a moped pulled up beside him and was admiring the car greatly. The beautiful car was unlike any the country boy had seen in his 16 years and he leaned over to get a close look at the full leather interior.

The country boy was still leaning over looking at the car when the light turned green and the M3 owner decided he'd show the ol' country boy just what the car could do. Soon the country boy was nothing but a dot in the rear view mirror as the M3 had quickly sprinted to well over 100 mph. The guy was just about to back off the gas when he noticed that the dot in his mirror was getting bigger. He stayed in the throttle, caught the next gear, but the dot kept getting bigger, just about the time he hit 140mph, the country boy whizzed by him on the moped!

The guy couldn't believe his eyes as the country boy on his moped left him in the dust, what was once a dot in his rearview was now a dot disappearing in front of him. As he started to slow down, the dot started getting bigger again, very rapidly and the country boy on the scooter went flying by him going the opposite direction and was soon just a dot in the mirror again.

Amazed, the guy kept an eye on his rear view and sure enough here comes the dot, the country boy on the moped getting closer and closer. Just about the time he thought the boy should by flying by him, his car lurched forward with a huge crashing sound as the boy flew right into the back of his car.

He came to a stop and jumped out, his car was damage sure enough, but the moped was completely destroyed and the country boy was arranged in a pile behind his car, messed up but still alive. Concern for the boy overcame the guy and he said to the kid "boy that was soooome moped you got there, is there anything I can do for you?"

The ol' country boy replied: "Yes sir, you can unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!"

Ha! *shakes head*

[E90M3velocity]

Have you heard the one about the sick chemist?
If you can't Helium and you can't Curium, you'll probably have to Barium.

[3.0L]

Much to his family's delight, Junior returns from war and gets out of the Army.

Friends and family gather and throw a big welcome home party. Junior seems pleased, but says nothing, just smiling.

The days and weeks roll by, yet Junior remains silent.

Finally one day, his mom says, "Junior, why won't you talk to me?!"

Junior replies, "Because I might fuck up!"

[V1.47fan]

One year, i decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....

[08njSTEP]

A recent engineering grad was looking for employment. He loved cars and decided to work for an auto manufacturer. He goes to BMW and during the interview he is asked, " so where did you rank in your class?" Upon grads response BMW says, "thanks for your interest but perhaps you'll have better luck elsewhere."
Undaunted the grad applies at MB. The interview is going great until the interviewer asks, "just one question, where did you rank in your studies?" The grad responds and MB says, "thanks for your interest but we're good in engineering right now."
Still seeing auto engineering in his future he applies to VW. The interview starts and the first question VW asks, "so you DID graduate right?" Hired.

[NEFARIOUS]

Anybody else notice that this thread is called "Joke of the year competition" but nobody has been nominated or awarded? Or is it a calendar year from the original post (June 22, 2016)?

[SenorFunkyPants]

I think the current leader is MrPrena
http://www.m3post.com/forums/showpos...7&postcount=41

[Lucky John]

Why Parents Drink

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent but had not phoned in sick. So he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.



' Hello ? '

'Is your daddy home?'

' Yes, he's out in the garden ,' whispered the small voice.

'May I talk with him?'

The child whispered, ' No .'

So the boss asked, 'Well, is your Mommy there?'
' Yes, she's out in the garden too '

'May I talk with her?'
Again the small voice whispered, ' No .'

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, 'Is anybody else there?'

' Yes ,' whispered the child, ' a policeman. '

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, 'May I speak with the policeman?'

' No, he's busy , ' whispered the child.

'Busy doing what?'

' Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the police dog men. '
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background, the boss asked, 'What is that noise?'

' It's a helicopter ' answered the whispering voice.

'What is going on there?' demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
' The search team just landed a helicopter '

'A search team?' said the boss. 'What are they searching for?'

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...








' ME . '

[SenorFunkyPants]

I've been a little glum lately...I'm in hospital after a bad car crash that left both my feet badly damaged. I've had scans and x rays to see if its possible to operate and save them. It was with some trepidation that I waited for the doctor this morning who was due to visit with the results...So you can imagine how relieved I was when he came in all smiles and said "Good news"...I have found someone who wants to buy your slippers!

[racerblade]

Originally Posted by MrPrena

Three guys walk into a restaurant .....
A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked,"Is that Jesus sitting over there?"
The waitress nodded "yes!" So, the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?"
The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron, to come into the restaurant, was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about getting me a cold mug of Miller Light!" He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?"
The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly so everyone in the restaurant could hear.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up and began to praise the Lord.

Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, he raised his hands and he, too, began to praise the Lord.

Then, Jesus walked, with a huge smile on his face, towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me....... I'm on disability."

[UncleWede]

Second grade teachers asks Cindy
"What does the feathery squawking chicken give us?"
"Eggs!"

"What does the snorting, mud-covered pig give us?"
"BACON!!"

"What does the big fat cow give us?"
"Homework!"

[David0ff]

Here are a few I found on other forums that made me laugh.

What do you call a letter from a feminist?
Hate male

Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips?
Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.

What's the difference between a knife and a woman arguing?
a knife has a point.

How is a woman like an airplane?
Both have cockpits.

Why did God create lesbians?
So feminists couldn't breed

Why did God invent the yeast infection?
So women know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt

How do you know when a woman is going to say something intelligent?
When her first words are, "A man once told me....."

What’s the difference between PMS and Mad Cow Disease?
One attacks the cow's brain and sends it fucking mental, the other is an agricultural problem

[Verbiage]

Originally Posted by David0ff

Here are a few I found on other forums that made me laugh.

What do you call a letter from a feminist?
Hate male

Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips?
Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.

What's the difference between a knife and a woman arguing?
a knife has a point.

How is a woman like an airplane?
Both have cockpits.

Why did God create lesbians?
So feminists couldn't breed

Why did God invent the yeast infection?
So women know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt

How do you know when a woman is going to say something intelligent?
When her first words are, "A man once told me....."

What’s the difference between PMS and Mad Cow Disease?
One attacks the cow's brain and sends it fucking mental, the other is an agricultural problem

Definitely using these at the next dinner party.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by David0ff

Here are a few I found on other forums that made me laugh.

What do you call a letter from a feminist?
Hate male

Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips?
Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.

What's the difference between a knife and a woman arguing?
a knife has a point.

How is a woman like an airplane?
Both have cockpits.

Why did God create lesbians?
So feminists couldn't breed

Why did God invent the yeast infection?
So women know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt

How do you know when a woman is going to say something intelligent?
When her first words are, "A man once told me....."

What’s the difference between PMS and Mad Cow Disease?
One attacks the cow's brain and sends it fucking mental, the other is an agricultural problem

Know how I know you're a misogynist?

[David0ff]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Know how I know you're a misogynist?

Im more of a copypastyst, its a new social movement I just created. Its really about taking the creations, opinions and ideas of others and presenting them as my own without quoting sources. If the audience loves what I copypaste, I claim to be the inventor and take full credit,fame, fortune, blowjobs, money, power and whatever is generated. On the other hand if the audience starts to chase me with pitchforks and torches I just say that actually I just heard them from someone else. 0 responsibility, 0 accountability, because 2016 baby